Minimalism and creating a peaceful space

[Clues_Of_Blue]

My parents are both hopeless hoarders. When I first moved out of Mum's house many moons ago, I marvelled at how much space I had in my tiny little unit. It was a new experience and I loved it. Even so, with me not being inclined to take up the torch of the hoarder, I managed to accumulate a lot. Sentimental bits from my younger days, gifts, free stuff I thought I was just too poor to say no to - could need it later, and not be able to afford it, right? There were also bills and sensitive documents I just didn't know what to do with, and boy do they pile up over the years! And worst of all, relationships - when you live with someone, they bring in their own lifetime of clutter, oftentimes leaving a whole bunch of it behind when they leave. And again related to being poor, if any money came my way I wanted to treat myself. A book, or an article of clothing was often the go to. Guess who had a bunch of books she never read and clothes that didn't get worn.

When I parted ways with my most recent ex, he left an extraordinary tonne of junk behind. I made it my mission to get rid of it, and along with it anything of my own I didn't want any more. I had gifts I neither used or particularly liked, boxes of books I bought with the thought I should get them while I had money to read when I didn't (they moved - along with the sensitive documents - from house to house in boxes that never got opened), even clothes from when I was a teenager (those suckers never gonna fit again, and they sure aren't in style any more). In the course of trying to find more and better ways to pare down all this stuff sucking the life out of me, I discovered there were a whole heap of other people who thought like me and wanted what I wanted. Minimalists. There are articles and blogs and tonnes of inspiration out there, and they helped me immensely.

I've been on the journey for a bit over four years, and it took most of that time to get my home how I want it. But now I can easily find things I want to use and don't have to clean, organise or maintain half as much stuff. I don't feel compelled to buy things on a whim or to feel good, because I just don't need them - I'm actually repelled by the idea of having more objects around me. I now have much more time and space and peace. I thought that worth sharing. What a fantastic tool it's been for looking after my mental health!

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey EM,

Yep, good best man material, he's great.

You must feel lighter with your shoes sorted out, and only owning the ones you really like. I hope so. I'm losing track a bit, but I think you have your bedside table cleaned out and lamp shade on the lamp, now. Your room is getting quite the makeover. Re photos, if they are in a tub, maybe they're not photos you want to display? Maybe you could repurpose or get rid of the frames and put the photos in an album that will take up less space.

I hear you about the sneezing, I can't do jobs like that without loading up on hayfever meds, I'd be wrecked for days. If it's a really dirty job I'll wear a dust mask, I regret it when I don't.

Hm, Commander Blue-LM, that's got a ring to it! 😉 Nice work sorting out everything under the bed, and the laundry basket. Great that you found a smaller one that does the job.

Not much minimising at my end, beyond maybe chucking out some food things that weren't good any more. Been a bad couple of days. Kind thoughts,

Blue.

[ecomama]

Dear Commander Blue - LM, (why not! It kinda suits you guys lol) 

Yes indeed I'm sorry for the hard times you're all experiencing. Hugs. 

Yes, my new light shade is on my the bare light bulb on my bedroom ceiling. It's sweet & simple. I like it so I'll burn the box it came in now lol. 
It's BIN NIGHT, always cause for celebration for me lol. The kids took 5 more bags of rubbish for Alexa to dispose of for us. They meet at FUTSAL once a week, so that's HANDY. 

I donated 8 bags to the Blue Bins today too. Shoes an' all.
Possibly more shoes to get rid of as I realise I'll be working for many more years. I need comfortable shoes! 

I need to line the antique bedside table I cleaned out. It's still empty, surprised it is! But it needs lining, maybe more cleaning ugh. I'll store all my PJs in there. It could do with baskets to pull out, hmmm. 

Honestly this process will take years, I know this. Just can't fit it with working FT & all else. I'll persist tho. 

It's much easier to put my own clothes away now. Still have a bunch I'm not sure WHERE to put, minus one wardrobe now lol. Work in progress. 

Found more stuff to sell... sigh. The pile's getting bigger all the time. SOME stuff is worth SOME money, I think the rest could be more hassle than it's worth. 

Photos yes! We don't display any photos any more at all. Yvette and I are planning to get creative when we get our Craft Room. This will be after renos are down for all the boys downstairs and we get a spare room upstairs. 

Thanks Commanders over and out lol
Love EM

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey EM,

It sure is a lot. Hugs welcome, and reciprocated. I know you're going through plenty, too.

Burning the box, yep that light shade is a keeper, haha. Glad you are enjoying it. That's the essence of minimising, anything you keep or bring in has to add value. It makes you feel good, that's what we want.

Celebrating bin day, haha, I can appreciate that. Feels good to get that stuff gone. So many things you have removed already. Have you considered taking before and after photos of some of the areas you're working on? You mentioned once that you're getting rid of a lot but still feel like not much has changed. Photos could help you see the progress and really feel the difference when it doesn't seem that obvious. I don't look at old pics much, but of course have been perusing those we have of Sir Pecks - aside from the obvious value of seeing him, I've also noticed the stuff in the background of those pictures. How what feels like a mess on my desk now is nothing like how it used to be. The standard has shifted greatly in the past decade.

I know how long the process can take, been there and the work never quite ends - much easier when it's just maintenance though. Take it as you can and you will still see constant improvement, I know you will.

Have you considered giving the "to sell" pile a time limit? If it's not gone in, say, 3 months (or whatever looks reasonable to you), just give it away for your sanity. I got that way with my stuff, with or without some money I felt better for getting it gone.

Cdr Blue-LM signing out, haha. 🙂

[Clues_Of_Blue]

I came across an interesting article some time ago that really made an impression upon me, called Subtract: Why Getting to Less Can Mean Thinking More by Leidy Klotz. It was all about how (presumably in Western society, I don't think the study included any other cultures) people default to adding something rather than subtracting something when solving problems.

The article commented on how new rules or laws are commonly implemented, but rarely are any removed from the list. How in things like architecture or city planning, design updates continually add more elements and don't remove those which no longer serve a useful purpose. How people add more activities or projects or commitments to their schedules but seldom remove anything already in place.

The study tested how people responded to a problem solving challenge involving Lego which would be more effectively resolved by removing a block than adding one. Even when offered a monetary reward upon completion, and with adding a block "costing" them some of that money, most subjects opted to add blocks rather than subtract any. Only in the group that were given a prompt including the words "removing a block costs nothing" did more people subtract a block. The conclusion was that even with adding blocks disincentivised, it just didn't occur to the subjects to remove any. Adding my own conjecture to this, I would posit that in Western society we have been heavily conditioned toward acquisition, messages always bombarding us to say we need more of everything.

As much as I have always had a good handle on minimalism, in fact was doing it in my own haphazard fashion well before I knew it had a name or a movement, this article was a real eye-opener. I love the clarity it gives me on the concept.

[ecomama]

Hey Cmr Blue, 
That article sounds interesting. It's really all about "conditioning" I think. Media is conditioning ppl whether they want it or not. 

Yes, there's a lot going on here. 
Remember how we discussed photos? I've spoken with the ACs as we all have deep triggers over photos, mainly from d destroying as many as possible. 

After d was gone for good we all went thru a purging time, taking all photos and boxing them up. 
We needed this time and space. 

Tonight lol my gifts included 2 beautiful multi pic frames. One with me and each of the grandkids, usually in my garden and some with the BOUNTY in my garden. Alexa said this symbolises "abundance", how sweet. 
Then another with a recent photo of each of my children. 

Yes I agree, that's a good plan. 3 months and it's out! 
Also I feel my major focus will feel great if I concentrate of all that annoys me about the fragments of d left behind. 

I have taken "before" pics, which are more like "during" pics lol. There have been SO many stages and it all just keeps developing, being uncovered, being refined. 

Talk soon!

Love EMxxxx

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey EM,

Yeah, we in the Western world sure have been conditioned to some serious consumerism. The whole panic buying thing around covid really typifies it. People are scared, they're trying to fix it with money! What an absurd concept. How is an overstocked house and more credit debt going to help?!

That's understandable, about the photos, of course there are triggers around that. Of course you needed time and space to cope with it. Making gifts of some photos now sounds great, you know they will be appreciated.

Might want to mark that on the calendar, it's amazing how easy it is to lose track of 3 months. I hope you find that plan helpful - gives you time to get some money out of the stuff if you can, but a point at which you've given yourself permission to just let it go if that isn't working.

Getting rid of the stuff connected with d makes sense. That was my focus after I left the ex, those were the objects that brought hurt, so out they went. We came close to getting married... that wedding dress ended up at the dump. Couldn't make myself try and sell it and I was so angry I couldn't even op shop it.

"During" pics still count. As you say, many stages and ongoing development. If you can see it, you can see progress. Don't forget to celebrate progress, too. Little milestones like getting rid of your excess shoes deserve recognition, even if it's just getting take-away one night, or giving yourself permission to go to the beach for an hour or something. Mark that progress, make it count.

Blue.

[ecomama]

Thankyou Blue, those are really good ideas! I literally stopped my Netflix show and book marked that date 3 months from now on my phone calendar lol. 

Talking about Netflix. I'm watching the "Motel Makeover" series. It's a bit over the top lol. BUT I wanted to tell you that THEY used the same light shade as I bought for my bedroom! Theirs were $200 EACH and mine was $20 lol. Finished watching now, on to VAN LIFE! lol. 

I found some scented drawer liners hidden in my closet I decided to go thru today (YES more Charity bin things). These are perfect for lining my antique bedside table and finally be able to put my PJs away lol. 

That's probably it for purposefully minimising my spaces for this weekend. Regular cleaning and prep for another 5 days of work / kids / pets will fill the rest of my time. I never say never though lol. 

Thanks Blue! 
Love EM

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Woo, good work, EM. Hopefully you can be done with the stuff before then, but it's good to have a fallback plan.

Ha, love it. I bet yours is the same quality, too. You don't have to spend top dollar for something nice. It's a light shade, it doesn't do stuff that's likely to break it, so why go premium?

Great that you found those drawer liners, PJs have their own bed now, haha. Loving this progress for you. I think you can give yourself a time out from minimising for the rest of the week-end (minimising extra work, so that's a thing) if you can't or don't want to manage it.

I brought new things into the house today. Mostly replacements, and a few extra wine glasses. Nothing fancy. Made sure to get a 4 pack even though they mostly come in 6 packs, just don't need that many. Should round up a few things to get rid of to account for that, methinks. Can't imagine it will be too difficult, but that's a tomorrow problem.

Blue.

[ecomama]

I really appreciate your support with my journey on all levels Blue. Thank you. 

Things I never share IRL, I can share here. 
Then some times what I write here, really brings things home to me. 

When I wrote this minimalism journey will literally take me YEARS... it hit me. It will. Shocked me really. 
But it's already taken me years to clear the lantana, years to get through Courts and be free.. kind of lol. 
It's ok. 
It's ok to breathe and enjoy my moments DURING these processes. 

Basically I'm not bashing myself over the head with it all from now on. 
I can schedule things in to my Diary and do what I can. 

Definitely don't need to spend top dollar lol. I couldn't stand it tbh. 
Glad you bought some nice things for your home! That's really sweet. 

Talk soon, 
Love EM

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Thank you, I appreciate yours, too. It never feels hard to be supportive of you, your enthusiasm to embrace things that will help you inspires me to engage better with those things myself. It's really good and healthy.

I understand, it's a safe space to talk about some hard stuff, and sometimes telling the tale makes things click for us in ways they can't when it's all locked inside. I find some of the replies I get or even some things I read that aren't directly related to me also set me on some useful trails of exploration and understanding.

Yes, it will take years. It's a scary concept, I know. But with the right framing, it seems a lot more reasonable. You have cleared the lantana, you have gotten through the courts. You have raised your children from infants and now the youngest are reaching adulthood. Time marches on, and day by day things move and grow and change. Those years will pass, and you will see change. You don't have to push it all to happen today. You absolutely can breathe and enjoy life along the way.

Agree on the spending, it doesn't have to be premium price to be good. It's nice to have new wine glasses, I got them pretty cheap and they are nice. I replaced our little frying pan too, the non-stick wasn't non-stick any more, and our egg flipper was kinda melted, haha. Due for replacement. I threw out the old ones immediately.

I'm thinking about bringing in a couple more things to ultimately minimise time spent on some jobs, and the space some things are taking up. Bigger soap dispensers for liquid soap, and a coat rack, so our coats aren't in a pile on the floor and I don't have to fill up soap so often. Seems counter-intuitive to minimalism, but it's not. The buckets I got to replace our weeny wastepaper baskets filled this role - larger object, but better than halved the time I spend emptying bins. It's a win.

Blue.