I have poor work ethic

[Jacky482]

Recently I spent a month staying on my dads property while he had surgery that went very well.

I am casual at work in an aged care facility and let them know when i would be leaving. My first shift back is tomorrow.

They called and messaged nearly everyday i was away even though i had poor reception and new i was unavailable. It makes me feel so stressed and angry and flustered when they call or message.

I like to work my set shifts and nothing else. This feeling of absolute panic and rage hits me when they ring.

I shouldn't be like this I should be a better worker. I cant tell if its the job I don't like or if its just me with a crap work ethic.

I can see in my past i always took the most time off at school especially mum and dad wouldnt batter an eye to give me a week of for not good enough reason or i'd miss out on a play i was meant to be in so they could start a day earlier drinking. Now i am like this at work.

I have no desire to work, i feel drained and a bit upset in the morning. I ignore all of my workplaces calls. I feel like I'll be fired soon.

I dont feel suicidal but i feel so tired of everything sometimes i dont think it would be bad if i didnt wake up in the morning. I am so anxious about tomorrow, i bet theres residents who have passed away since I have been gone. I will probably be treated not so nice by the staff who think i have been away to long.

Maybe I'm being stupid and i need to snap out of it but my feelings remain the same.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Jacky 482, 

Welcome to the forums and thank you for being brave enough to reach out for support. Sharing our experiences can be incredibly difficult and so we think this is a great act of courage on your part. It sounds like it has been a really tough time recently with your dad having surgery and work contacting you all the time. That sounds really stressful. We are really sorry that you have been feeling so down as well. 

We think it could be useful to talk to one of our wonderful counselling team by calling 1300 22 4636. You can also call lifeline you prefer on 13 11 14. Talking to someone about how you feel can be a powerful tool.

Please feel free to drop back in and let us know how you are going if you feel comfortable. 

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

[Croix]

Dear Jacky482~

Welcome here, I'm glad you have met Sophie_M already as she gives good advice.

There are a few things I'd like to say to you, the first being I'm glad your dad is OK, it would have been a real strain worrying and waiting. Hopefully that is all now over and recovery well on the way.

The second is I think you are being very hard on yourself, if - in a job you are not keen on - you do your rostered duties then your work ethic is just fine. In fact by pestering you when they knew your circumstances they are showing they themselves are the ones wihtout ethics.

Plus they sound frantically short staffed, something they need to address properly with more workers, not hounding you.

As for "snapping out of it", that is a phrase I hate, it is completely unrealistic and in no way possible. If you feel down and hopeless you realy do need to go see your GP and explain in detail, then see what happens. I never improved until I did this no matter how hard I tried.

It may well be that some of the people you knew in the facility will have passe on, that sadly is the way of things, and any staff who try to take this fact of life out on you are small-minded and cruel.

You are by no means stupid, and in your situation I too would feel apprehensive with my first day back tomorrow. I guess the best is to take things as they come - do you have a freind or someone sympathetic you can rely on there?

To finish off please do not blame yourself for your workplaces shortcomings, and do have a talk to the places Sophie-M suggests, it can do no harm and possibly a lot of good. I've found such places a comfort and source of common sense.

Good luck tomorrow, please let us know how you go,

Croix