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How to disagree respectfully? All ideas are welcome.

Community Champion
Community Champion

I have noticed especially in social media but also in real life, that people find it hard to disagree with respect.

We have seen politicians being personal and rude to each other just because they have different opinions.

I don't think it is possible for us all to agree with each other but it is necessary for us to discuss our differences without attacking the personality of the other person.

How do you disagree with people showing politeness and respect.?

I encourage you to share your ideas, even if you find it hard to disagree respectfully.

I feel for our mental health it is important for us to be aware of how our comments may affect others.


81 Replies 81

Hello everyone reading,

I am still working out how to disagree with loved ones without seeming bossy or patronising. Mind you my loved ones feel very free to disagree with me with little respect!

I avoid conflict so I do not argue butbwhen womeone has disagreed disrespectfully with me I start ruminating andvthe feeling of being upset grows out of proportion.

How can we respond calmly when someone has disgareed with us in a disrespectful manner.?


Community Member


I also find it hard to disagree. When someone disagrees with me I automatically get very defensive and selfish. This is something I have been working on for a while, and a few strategies I use are:

  • Stay calm - The worst thing to do in a disagreement is to yell. Even if you're not calm, try to control your voice and body language. Appearing angry or defensive is a definite no-no.
  • Think before you speak - When we get mad at someone, we tend to lose all capability of thought. I know you most likely hear "think before you speak" a lot, but it really is true. Even though it's hard, it is one of the most valuable skills a person can have.
  • Accept that not everyone will agree with you - Knowing that not everyone, even your closest friends and family, won't always agree with you will help you always. Try not to 'fight back' eg. Person 1: "I think that America is better than Europe." Person 2: "NO Europe is better than America! There are so many landmarks, different cultures and views! America's just boring." Instead, try saying "Ok, but I rather Europe because of the landmarks, different cultures and views."

Well, that's all I've got. Hope you found it helpful.



Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello everyone,

Kiki thank you so much for your very helpful step by step advice.

I think that preparation helps but sometimes when someone presses out buttons we forget about being calm especially if that person has just been rude .

I try to count to the or twenty and if that does not walk I excuse myself and go for a walk if that is possible.

Thanks again for your contribution.


Hi Quirky

This happened to me just the other day. My 23 year old neice rang to disagree with me about an issue and was rude, patronising, demeaning and generally way out of line.

Unfortunately this woman pushes my buttons at the best of times. I wanted to be frank, honest and put her back in her place. But I didn't.

Out of respect for my sister-in-law I listened but didn't trust myself to have the discussion. I knew I would say things I would regret.

I opted to simply say that her tone was inappropriate and that I found her words to be highly offensive. I promptly ended the call. Left me frustrated but on the high ground.

It's awkward between us now but it will blow over. When I'm calm I will reach out and have the discussion we need to have.

Not a perfect approach. But, on balance, I think this was better than saying in anger what I was actually thinking at the time.

Thanks for sharing that Summer Rose and I appreciate and admire the way you were aware of your emotions and controlled them in a dignified way.

on the phone people can’t see your face unless you are on face time, etc, but in real life I find it hard as I often want to cry .

I think you have shown that once one has acknowledged ones feelings and has decided what to say or not say, it diffuses the anger and gives one a chance to respond at another time.

Thanks again


Community Member


well hello, I get this alot and I have come to the point where I ignore their behaviour and I focus on how I can get thru the incident with out causing any added pain. I will never correct their Ego and to behave the way they do these poor buggers must have mental pain. So I monitor myself to prevent my Ego getting baited.

basically its their life and if they want to be Egocentric then I accept it and Im almost at the point where I see them a comedy act. Brutus in Popeye

sorry if my answer is way out left field it is cause I am too. Bye

Community Champion
Community Champion

Welcome Coal to this thread,

Your answer is fine and thoughtful.

I agree that we need to look out for ourselves and feel sorry and understand those people who are egotistical and disagree with us.


Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello all,

I see and hear people every day being disrespectful to others just because they disagree.

i do not like seeing people put down others and call the names because they have a different opinion.

When people get personal and attack the person but not the topic, it really achieves nothing.

I try to avoid confrontation when I can.


Community Champion
Community Champion

greetings all,

I was wondering if there is anyone who like me avoids confrontation most of the time, I even apologise when I am not in the wrong just to avoid a disagreement.

ometimes it can get me down because if you are always saying sorry, the other person the sees they are always right and you are the flawed one.

So is there another way to disagree without starting conflict and with out saying sorry all the time?

Your thoughts are most welcome.


Community Member

Hi coal.

Fantastic post👍

Cheers lynne