Hey look, a birdie! (How to function with ADHD.)

[Clues_Of_Blue]

As someone only recently diagnosed with ADHD, I'm still getting my head around what aspects of this crazy critter are thanks to that, and what I can do about it. It was always apparent to me that I was incredibly forgetful compared to others around me, and I've driven many a manager nuts with my tendency to bounce between tasks constantly (mostly they just ran with it because I'm actually pretty competent if left to my own processes and - very importantly - deadlines to work to), so I have a few strategies for working around it after 40-odd years. That said, I'd love to hear from others with ADHD about how you've managed the condition and how you wade through the daily drudgery. Of course I'm equally happy to share any tricks I've worked out for myself.

Blue.

[Clues_Of_Blue]

(*crickets chirping*)

Sure would be good if we had a neuro-diverse section where stuff like this had relevant exposure...

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Revisiting this thread as despite having ADHD in the title, it doesn't come up in a search specifically for ADHD and it seems unlikely anyone would find it even if they wanted to. And hey, maybe more people in my position have joined BB in the aeons since I created this thread full of tumbleweeds. I'm also at wit's end with trying to deal with this on my own. My journey with meds has been a nightmare, they have not worked for me, they have made things worse. Even on ADHD specific forums I can't get a word out of anyone that isn't "meds this", "meds that". There is more to this condition. Some of us don't want to take them, some of us just can't. But the ADHD doesn't go away. We still have to live. Our executive function is down the S-bend. I have some strategies, you can't go 40-odd years without developing a few. But now as a carer my strategies are dust in the wind, they aren't enough. I know there are people who manage things like careers and parenting with ADHD. I want to know what they know. I know there's no magic cure, but a lifeline to hold onto when it all seems too hard... just a strategy for keeping myself fed when my energy is at rock bottom... I wouldn't mind one of those.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Blue's Clues,

Thanks for sharing here. We can hear you’re feeling really tired of the challenges you’ve been dealing with.

It’s incredibly difficult when getting the right kind of treatment for you isn’t a quick or smooth process, and it can be a long journey. Finding what works for us can be extremely difficult when we’re already dealing with so much. It’s important to be kind to yourself while you go through it, and we think sharing here is a really good way to find understanding.

If you want to talk through what you’re feeling at any time, the Beyond Blue Support Line is here for you 24/7 on 1300 22 4636. The counsellors can be good to talk to right in the midst of the anxiety symptoms. You can also reach them via Online Chat here.

We’re sure we’ll hear from the lovely community soon, but in the meantime, here’s some strategies others have shared for self-care you might like to have a look at it. We understand you might have been through some of these in the past and it might feel like cold comfort right now, but they’re here in case they do interest you.

You also mentioned wishing you had a strategy for when your energy is at rock-bottom. Would a Staying Well plan be helpful? If talking it through is a lifeline you need sometimes, our counsellors are here. Maybe you meant something a bit more hypothetical than that, so we're sorry if we're not on the right lines here!

Thank you again for sharing here, Blues. It can be really hard to do that, and so we hope you can feel some pride in having done so.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey Sophie,

You're right, I'm unbelievably tired of everything piling in on me. Being kind to myself is tricky. I'm not one of those people that disregards myself, but what I am is someone who literally forgets how to be good to myself, the things that work, the things I've specifically set up to help myself in times like this. It's all gone. Extremely poor memory is one of the ways in which ADHD really undermines me.

I don't remember if I knew the BB support line was a 24/7 line. I probably did, but again my memory has done me no favours - I appreciate the reminder. I've had it in my head that for anything less than being right on the edge, so to speak, I can forget getting any help outside of business hours, if there is any at all.

I do have the self care thread in My Threads... Have I remembered to look at it lately? Nope. Again, useful reminder.

The Staying Well plan looks practical and certainly appropriate to what I was talking about. Sadly it also looks like the sort of thing I've tried to implement many times before and... you guessed it, forgot all about when it really counted. I don't really know how to combat the executive function side of it, which is even worse than usual with whatever vitamin deficiency is plaguing me at the moment (no doubt caused by my executive dysfunction with nutrition management - oh boy it's quite the can of worms).

I hadn't considered taking pride in having shared. I feel like a desperate fool more than anything, and angry at my own weakness. That's a whole other thing to fight. But thanks.

Blue.

[therising]

Hi Blue

Can relate to the med factor. Was the down side of meds that pushed me to explore the more natural side of who we are. While the first one I ever took for depression worked beautifully, having to come off it before I became pregnant led me on a depressing search for finding one that worked in the years that followed. It really is a desperate and depressing search. Trying to find the right chemistry (packed into a tablet) that matches beautifully with our chemistry can feel pretty much impossible and seriously soul destroying the longer we're on that particular quest. The temptation to abandon that quest in favor of a different more promising one becomes enormous.

While I love exploring so much about how we tick mentally and physically (psychology and biology/chemistry), my absolute fascination is more so geared toward naturally. Can recall when I first came out of about 15 or so years in depression, was the strangest thing but I developed an interest in learning the basics of quantum physics. Know of a few people who had this experience. Could not make sense of it at first until eventually it began to make more sense as this interest gradually transformed into more of a 'woo woo' or spiritual interest 🙂 As anyone who has an interest in woo woo will tell you...a great section of it relates to how mental energy, physical energy and natural energy behave or interact under a variety of circumstances. It's not all about 'freaky' stuff 🙂

Take a highly highly energetic person and stick them in situations where they can't channel that energy out and there will be natural consequences.Take someone with a seriously brilliant imagination and lead them to imagine nothing but the worst, nothing but hopelessness, and there'll be natural consequences. Fill them with depressing internal dialogue to reference, such as 'You're absolutely hopeless', 'You're seriously broken' etc and such things will become their mantras for life, until they're replaced.

In the world of modern medicine the experts will define someone with ADHD as 'faulty' in some way. What I love about the woo woo side - someone diagnosed with ADHD is regarded as having a lot of incredible abilities which need strategic management and guidance when it comes to mastery, maintenance and balance. Meds that take the energy out of a naturally energetic person can be seriously depressing because they've lost part of who they are. The grief that comes with a lost sense of self can be enormous at times.

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey Therising,

Sorry to hear you've struggled with meds, too. I too have thought the search for appropriate medication soul destroying. Pretty much everything they've tried just turns me into a zombie in one form or another, either technically functioning but feeling no accomplishment or enjoyment or anything positive at all - or just sending me straight to sleep, barely able to keep my eyes open for a handful of hours a day. Honestly, I'll take being like I am over that any day.

Quantum physics is an interesting (and quite unexpected) place to find a connection to the spiritual. I don't have a great head for physics, unfortunately, but I do find concepts like quantum entanglement pretty interesting (though I doubt I could explain it very well).

I see what you mean about the consequences of an energetic person unable to channel energy out, and everything you said in that paragraph. It makes sense, and I can relate to concepts.

Yes, we definitely do have a stigma of being "faulty". And it's certainly true that there are some very challenging aspects to ADHD. Forgetting what I'm doing constantly makes things way more difficult than they need to be. I do find the expectations of a neurotypical society a goodly part of the problem, we're square pegs that are being shoved into round holes, so of course we don't fit. Those incredible abilities you mentioned don't seem to be wanted in most professions or study environments or social situations. The creativity, the hyperfocus, the mental leaps - they lead me all over the place in ways I love, but tend not to be "useful" by society's standards. I do feel heavily stifled by the demands of having to manage a household, be hygienic, pay my bills, blah blah. There's no room left for creativity and fun, but there's no support for the stuff I don't do so well, and one hears an awful lot of "It's not that hard". Yeah? It is, actually.

I'm interested in anything practical you've come across regarding "strategic management and guidance when it comes to mastery, maintenance and balance". I've done a lot of reading, but I still seem to be flailing in the dark. Maybe a year of knowing I have ADHD isn't as long as it feels in terms of learning what I need to know and making any progress. I don't really have anything to compare it to.

Blue.

[therising]

Hi Blue

I've become conscious of a lot of my triggers for depression. I think that's one of the ways I've managed to stay out of it. Definitely felt myself on the brink a number of times, seriously fearful and incredibly sad over the thought of possibly going back in. I remember the absolute depths of it and wouldn't wish it upon anyone. One of my biggest triggers is a serious lack of energy. Personally, I find a serious lack of energy to be potentially depressing. Without a healthy amount, I just can't feel life, my connection to it, so I can relate to what you're saying about how the meds make you feel or not feel. 'Numb' is definitely no way to live and any mental health professional who insists on someone persisting with what is numbing is highly questionable in my opinion. Gee, some professionals can be depressing 🙂 Not all, of course.

I get the square peg, round hole thing. This is something my 16yo son faces. I know I sound like a bit of a biased mum but he really is a truly amazing human being. We went for a possible ADHD diagnosis about a year ago, in relation to him really struggling with school, based on his nature. He wanted to better understand himself so he could work on turning things around for years 11 and 12. The psychologist suggested he's more so on the autism spectrum. He's super energetic with an astonishing imagination. I could ask him for the solution to a problem and bamm, he suddenly sees the solution in his mind. It just comes to him as images, from out of nowhere. Wondering if you can relate to the polar opposites of extreme imagination and extreme focus. Finding a balance can be incredibly challenging for someone with a sensational imagination. My son finds it difficult to focus on so many things outside of his imagination mainly because his imagination's so captivating. It was explained to me that the more the imagination's exercised, the less the 'focus' part of the brain is exercised which can create an imbalance and many of the problems that come with that.

Personally, I've found knowing how feelings work or how to get a feel for things makes a significant difference in self mastery. Can you feel someone bringing you down or raising you? Can you sense when you're in the presence of a triggering person? What about your own sensational energy levels? What sensations do you feel from joyful hyperactivity? Do you kinda buzz? There's a lot to feel. I think this is why it can be so depressing when all we feel is 'numb'.

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey Therising,

Knowing our triggers is hugely important. You said "One of my biggest triggers is a serious lack of energy". I haven't seen this expressed by anyone else I don't think, but I'm with you 100%. That's a huge one for me. The first meds threw me into a depressive episode. I didn't actually see it coming with those, I wasn't lacking energy exactly - in fact for the first few days they were great, slowed me down just a little, took the edge off the racing thoughts, I could do just one thing and not run off and get distracted constantly and it was amazing - then I kept slowing down. Felt like I was moving through treacle, though no-one observing me saw much difference apparently. I was getting stuff done, even doing hobby things I hadn't touched in ages. But I felt no meaning or reward in any of it. It was like my soul had just fallen out my ear or something. I stopped taking them, but the depression took a while to rein in, after. The other meds just sent me to sleep and I was quick to stop those. To be fair to my psychiatrist, he didn't push me to keep trying with any of them, and in each case he checked that I was actually willing to try something else. I know not all professionals will accept their patients' judgements on such things.

Interesting about your son. Autism is a whole different thing again, my sister has ASD as well as ADHD. I'm in a different camp as far as extreme imagination and extreme focus go (at least now - I used to write a lot, which took me out of reality a bit). Nor am I a visual thinker, I can't actually visualise things much at all. When I say "I see X, Y or Z", what I mean is the concept is crystal clear to me. I am quite abstract in my thinking, and I follow a mad daisy-chain of ideas rather than just seeing solutions. I see what you mean about the imbalance between focus and imagination. That said, my imagination has gotten a tad rusty with being a carer and breadwinner, but my focus remains a pile of junk into the bargain. Sigh.

Perhaps we can delve into the feeling thing a bit. It's only in the last decade since depression forced me to look at my feelings at all that I'm kind of getting to know them. I'm not sure if I buzz. I kind of laser focus when something catches my interest. Or if I'm goal driven, I have moments of being able to tackle boring stuff in a hyper, haphazard way - the imagination part is my concept of the end goal. With that I'm first enthused, then I'm bored, then I'm burnt out. Oops.

Blue.

[Jstar49]

Hey Blue, hi to theorising,

omg that last bit of yours got me Blue! Enthused, bored, then burnt out- oops! I so get that! I get so many ideas and projects! Follow thru is my issue....I’d love to have a p.a- or a wife! 😆
One of the things I like about my job is the variety. Seeing different clients each day, each week. With different things to do for each of them. One mite need physio support at the pool, another we’ll be chatting while we take the dogs down to the beach after some shopping. I even like the clients who I just go in and clean house for them. It’s more straightforward than the others too lol.
anyway, I don’t think I’m ad-anything, ( as a kid I spent weeks at a time ploughing thru a pile of books- pretty sure that rules me out;) but I sorta have a low boredom threshold, and I totally feel that holding things together on the home front, while working, is HARD! If I goof off, it feels like things fall apart a bit. I have found that routine is my friend, but at the same time I rebel ag the routine! On the plus side, if my day isn’t too crowded, my routine includes things like walks, so it helps balance me out.
But on busy days/ weeks, I tend to not prioritise those things which keep me sane.

Things sound very busy for you atm Blue I’m really sorry to read that LMis in hospital again. That must be devastating for you.
Being a cater is a full time job. Maybe the fact that our society doesn’t really acknowledge that is another aspect of the whole “women’s work isn’t really work” thing.

it sure doesn’t pay the bills tho. And that pressure keeps rising these days, with floods and fire and global war mongering adding to the virus stress. I hate to say it, but I do think we are, as a nation and a world, headed for disaster and we need to buckle in. Concentrate on what’s important and necessary.

What helps Blues?
It may be lonely to admit, but you’re probably the best expert on this that you’ll ever find.
here for you
Alsostruggle with meds and won’t take them anymore

Love

J*