Finding Hope

[grungerock]

I am an Australian male living and working in Hong Kong. 3 years ago I suffered anxiety disorder with mild depression, treated with medication with some minor therapy for 6 months.

I was well for the last 3 years, until recently I had a relapsed because of job change - but this time it's more depression but minor anxiety. 

I was feeling hopeless with this relapse, I went with the same above medication but it didn't work and psychiatrist changes it. The issue is I am dwelling / worry about this sickness, I still haven't accepted and depressive symptoms are more challenging.  It's like when things are so great for the last time..then "bam"....it returns.

I like to hear from people around how do they cope this when it relapse and staying well.

Thanks.

[Doolhof]

Hi Grungerock,

I am so pleased you went to see the psychiatrist, sounds like he was quite attentive in writing down all that you are feeling and experiencing.

Hopefully the increase in the medication will help with the anxious feelings. Are you doing CBT with the psychiatrist? Has he given you work to do at home? If so, then I hope you are able to find the time you need to do it, as it will be beneficial.

Did you ask the psych what he meant by Selective Attention? Does he mean that you only put into practise what you want to, and you only consider a situation if it is of benefit to you? 

So you have fear of fear. Can you write down something you are fearful of and explain the fear around it. I feel the cognitive work will help you see facts more clearly.

It may be hard to stop and prevent the fear from happening in your life if it has been there for so long. I read in a different post a while ago that we need to retrain our brain and our thoughts to take a different route.

When the fear track runs through your head, try to realign it into a different path, like the I am not so sure about this path, but I am going to take it anyway and leave the fear behind.

Being hyper vigilant is beneficial in a war zone, but even there if a person is like that all of the time they will be totally worn out and exhausted. I hope you can find a way to tone this down.

Keep me posted how you are getting on, and if the increased meds help you. The more you are aware of your situation, the more you can help yourself.

Wishing you well on your journey, be strong, face the fears and tackle one battle at a time if it all gets a bit too much.

Cheers for now, from Dools

[grungerock]

Hello Dools 🙂

Thanks for being so caring...really appreciate that

Hopefully the increase in the medication will help with the anxious feelings. Are you doing CBT with the psychiatrist? Has he given you work to do at home? If so, then I hope you are able to find the time you need to do it, as it will be beneficial

The psychiatrist that I am seeing is purely dispensing medicine while I also go to a different psychologist who's doing the CBT. 

Did you ask the psych what he meant by Selective Attention? Does he mean that you only put into practise what you want to, and you only consider a situation if it is of benefit to you? 

My psychologist said it has nothing related to OCD. It just that my selective attention is towards the "fear/fear, worry and hypervigilence".  Imagine that how sensitive my mind is and bad habits I guess?

When the fear track runs through your head, try to realign it into a different path, like the I am not so sure about this path, but I am going to take it anyway and leave the fear behind

Please give me an example.

Thanks a lot

[Doolhof]

Dear Grungerock,

Hi. I have learnt a new skill thanks to you! I have discovered I can cut and paste in this format! Amazing! My computer skills are somewhat limited, so I am stoked to learn this new skill! Wohoo! Doesn't take much to make me happy some days!

Okay, so what do I mean by the following:

When the fear track runs through your head, try to realign it into a different path, like the I am not so sure about this path, but I am going to take it anyway and leave the fear behind

Just say you need to catch a ferry to Hong Kong Island and the sea is really rough. You could be at home thinking, oh no, the sea is really rough and I have to go to Hong Kong Island this morning.

Your mind could be telling you it is going to be a really rough crossing. I am scared if I get on the ferry I might be sick. What if I vomit all over myself or someone else. What if I slip on the dock before I even get on the boat. What if it is so rough I slip over in someone else's vomit on the ferry.How can I go to an appointment if I am covered in vomit. If I slip over I might break my arm. How can I go to work later if I break my arm. What if the ferry does not travel because it is so rough.

Do you see what I am trying to write here, sometimes our minds work overtime and we start to imagine all kinds of scenarios and you haven't even gotten out of bed yet! To me it seems like your mind goes a step further and you are fearful of being fearful. I am not sure, but for you that might look like:

It is really rough today, I am scared to go on the ferry. I am really confused as to why I am so afraid to go on the ferry but I am. Due to that fear  I am afraid of all the things that might go wrong, then how will I cope with all of those issues!

So from what I can make out regarding the information someone else wrote is to think about it differently. You wake up, the sea is rough and you do have to catch the ferry to Hong Kong Island. Your mind starts racing away with its thoughts. You stop for a second, take a few deep breaths and then say to yourself, okay, the sea is rough, it has been rough before and the ferrys have still made the journey okay.

Tell yourself confidently the ferry journey may be rough, but it will be okay. With all the other scenarios think of something more positive as well. Don't look for the fear factor, look for a logical response, it will take time, but it will come.

Short on time now! All the best, greetings from Dools

[Doolhof]

Good Morning Grungerock,

I hope last night's long explanation helped. I hope maybe you psychologists are able to help you overcome your fears, they must limit you in so many ways. Hopefully you will find a way to break through them.

Can you write down an example of how your fear of fear presents itself to you? I am no expert at all, but from what I have learnt over the years, I might be able to give you suggestions on how you can change your thinking.

Emotions can be tough things to control at times, but the great news is that we can do it!. People can push our buttons so to speak, but it is us ourselves who control how we think and how we feel.

For example: My best friend S has not emailed me for 5 weeks even though he knew I was going through a rough spot. I can think that he doesn't care about me any more, he has better things to do, I will never hear from him again, I won't cope now I no longer have him in my life, I must be an awful person if he does not want to keep in touch.It is so easy for the mind to run through all of these negatives! Instead I can think: I haven't heard from S for a while, I hope he is okay. He did say he was going on a holiday, maybe he had no way to stay in touch. I do not have to think of my self worth  in relation to if a friend keeps in touch or not, I am still me and I can think happy thoughts.

Emotions, don't you just love them! Try to catch your thoughts before they escalate.

Let me know how you get on, and I will be cheering you along from the sidelines, encouraging you to try new ways of thinking and also of doing things. You will soon be climbing mountains and singing out in triumph from the top of The Peak. (think that is what is called there in Hong Kong!)

Cheers for now, from Dools 

[grungerock]

Good Morning Dools

Thanks for the long email, I will try to reflect on them.

Emotions, don't you just love them! Try to catch your thoughts before they escalate.

==> this is absolutely correct.  It's so hard to catch the thoughts before it becomes the emotion.  I need to learn the hard way, and over time then I will learn and be a happier person.  I also tend to awfulize the feeling of anxiety, so that is the problem. I need to find a solution on stopping to awfulizing.

I can see that you are a very positive and must have learn a lot over time to achieve such a positive life.  Can you please let me know the secret of your success.  We can have a PM chat via email.

Best Regards

Grungerock

[Doolhof]

Good morning to you too Grungerock,

Hi . We could email if you like. Let me know what your email address is and I will get back to you.

I have never really thought of myself as being Successful before, so thanks for that. A survivor yes, and one who has wanted something better out of life.

I grew up with a mother who was very depressed and bitter about a lot of things in life .Yes, Mum did go through some tough times herself when she was young, but she never learnt to let go, to be herself in the pain, or to experience all the joys that are out there in life. I feel Mum certainly has depression issues that were never treated right for her and possible has Borderline Personality Disorder as well.

I was a very angry dysfunctional teenager, not much better in my early 20s and then more stuff started to happen in my life! It came to a point of sink or swim and I decided to swim!

I also have God in my life, that too can be a battle for me at times. I have had days, months and years where all my thoughts were so depressive and suicide seemed like the only option. I am so very thankful I don't have so many of those days anymore!

You know that saying: "Is the glass half full or is it half empty" which is supposed to represent if you are thinking positively or negatively? Well I think, drink what is in the glass if you like the contents and then fill the glass up again. If you don't like the contents, chuck it out and start again!

Life isn't always that easy, but it doesn't have to be that hard either! So anxiety comes along, stop and think to yourself you really don't need that feeling at all, change your thoughts to something more user friendly. If it turns to AWFUl ask yourself if that AWFUL is really going to happen? Your brain is telling you AWFUL is going to visit you again, so you can tell your brain those feelings aren't welcome any more. It will take time.

Here I am, running away with a page full of words again! Just take one small step at a time. Try and stop one anxious thought. See what happens.

Here from you soon, From Dools

[Doolhof]

Dear Grungerock

Hi and thanks for your message. I'm really interested in knowing how you are getting on? How have you coped over the weekend with your anxiety and fears? Have you managed to overcome some of your worries and concerns? Even just a small step forward is worth the battle.

In some ways part of my life has really sucked, but in some ways, those undesirable aspects of my life have shaped me into the person I am today. As I have experienced different moods and thoughts with all of the experiences in my life, I feel they have all helped to make me a compassionate and caring person.

Not everyone out there in this world of ours has the ability to be concerned for the welfare of others. It is through my life's "happenings" that I am able to have sympathy and empathy for others. I have found peace and acceptance for all the events of the past. Sometimes disappointments and hurts resurface, and I need to deal with those so I can move on again.

I really do hope you are able to move forward, to change your life around so you can appreciate all the joy and pleasure there is in this life. There will be rotten days for sure, but we can learn to overcome those and move on.

Wishing you courage, determination and the will power you need to make a bold step and conquer your fears one by one. Thinking of you, from Dools 

[grungerock]

Just to update since my last message.

My anxiety and fear came in wax and wane for the last few weeks, which makes me not interested in anything, during that time I was on the medication type NaASA.  

I went to my psychiatry yesterday, and he decided to introduce SNRi for me. Cross my finger and hope things will be fine... felt very exhausted.

[grungerock]

Feeling hopelessness as waiting for meds to kick in. The trauma of going through this....

[HA1]

Hang in there Grungerock.  

I can only suggest that you try and sleep as much as you can, alternatively do the direct opposite (keep  busy doing something). For me, stating around is the worst.

take care & let us know how you are travelling.  It's been three days since your meds changed?

K