Feeling ok and the tide has turned

[Airies]

A year ago I was a mess and for 8 months I was in a dark dark place. Numerous hospital visits, medications, supportive family and lifestyle choices and I'm feeling ok.Being bipolar type 1 I tend to do things to extremes. I'm starting to string a number of good days together... I'm starting DBT in a few weeks which will test me somewhat. I'm putting one foot in front of another, not making any huge decisions and part of me is thinking I could be lulling myself into a false sense of security...I'm expecting a fall... I don't want to go where I was.. I don't know whether I could survive another bad episode.. It was scary and I was over it. I continue to have nightmares at night.. I sleep in some sort f medicated bliss but I have my moments.

cheers Len

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Found you! I've had a bit of a read of your thread, and I have to say, though you've had a bit of a rough time I admire your great attitude to it all. I suspect there's a bit of resignation behind your humour sometimes but it's not without some wisdom too, if that makes sense, i.e. you know there will be bad days, but there's a funny side and something to learn, and you've got your own flair for taking those things on board. I like it. 🙂

How are you finding the mindfulness? I've only just touched on that with my psych. My mind is all over the place. I was trying to meditate, and was bouncing from "ow, my back" to "ooh, I hear birds!" Got some work to do, methinks...

Hopefully a nightmare free sleep again tonight. Dream of bromeliads and rosellas instead. 🙂

Blue.

[Airies]

Hi Blue,

thanks for finding me. Went to bed @ 6:10 last night with the end result waking at 3 in the morning bright as a button. Popped a couple of my go to Prns and in the land of the nods yet again. I've always used humour as a mask, and my boys must have inherited as they have a wicked wit as well. Just back from my one on one with my clinician at the private clinic. It went well as I explained what I wanted to achieve and the inroads and downfalls which had taken place since my admission there last year.

ive a great rapore with her and hopefully can continue to move forward in my journey.

My minds all over the shop as well. I explained to her that I was having a full on debate with myself as to whether it was mindlessness and mindfulness and it was only a while but it bugged me until I clarified it to myself. Also looking for the ATM I went around the shopping centre to no avail,got my money from the checkout at Safeway and upon exiting located the ATM there and then. Small things but it shits me sometimes. God help me lol.

Your birds sound delightful Blue and it's great how you brought them up from wee little things. I'd love a feathered friend but hard pressed looking after myself, let alone my dog and helping my better half, who is my rock.

I don't envy your early starts Blue.. I struggle to get up at 9 most mornings but in all areas am making positive progress.Sincerelly hope things improve for you Blue,enjoy your posts and if I had an ounce of your wisdom I'd be miles

ahead. Cheers Len 🙂

[Airies]

Hi Blue,

love your descriptive speel re: your crack at meditating. Gaawd I'd be bloody hopeless to be quite frank. I get confused over basic stuff these days. But I'm lightening up and not afraid to take the piss out of myself either these days , whereas once I would have been so so down on myself. You are one clever chick.... Hang on there's 3 clever chicks in your neck of the woods. I mean that in the nicest way. Showing my age and not politically correct or appropriate at times, so I appologise in advance. The wattle birds seem to have deserted their nest:(, the inclement weather of late has scared them off, I'd hate to think that I'm to blame given I stuck my ugly beak in their a few times last week. Thankfully the Eastern Rosellas continue to get very house proud and hopefully before long the hen will lay eggs.

As I type here it's about 11:15 pm almost my shuteye time. The dogs just about to fall out of my lap and the resident frog in my fishpond is croaking very loudly. The blasted things keeps

Me awake at night... Keep on keeping on with the Mindfullness. From what I can gather it's takes practice and perseverance but well worth the effort,

cheers from one bird lover to another

cheers Len 🙂

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey Len,

I'm glad you had a positive session with your clinician. Having someone on your side with some training and who you have a decent relationship with is valuable. I hope all continues on in the positive direction it's started in.

I completely relate to the debates with yourself, and the thing with the ATM, too. Such experiences are very much a part of my day-to-day existence. Definitely helps to laugh at ourselves, if only to dispel the frustration. I think humour is a huge part of maintaining good mental health in times of stress. I have been known to take the road of Hawkeye (from M*A*S*H) with it, being deemed a tad inappropriate or morbid at times, but it gets me through.

My birds are indeed a delight, and it has been such a privilege raising them. Scary at times because they're such tiny things and so fragile, but watching them grow up and being part of it... just amazing. They continue to delight me with their antics, as I bet your pup does (you can say he's grown up, but they're always puppies, really).

I don't envy my early starts either! Today was a delightful 5am, first alarm (I set 4 or I wouldn't succeed in getting up) goes off for that shift at 3:30. And I had the added joy of finishing last night at 7pm, so you can imagine how much sleep I didn't have (and why I haven't been on the forums a lot, or at least, nodding off on the keyboard when I try).

I'm quite touched by your comment on my wisdom. I wonder if I'd be doing better if I'd had a tad more of it a bit sooner, but I suppose the saying's right; you don't get to be old and wise (or a clever chick... tweet!) without first being young and stupid.

Pity the wattle birds have wandered off (I'd have to read up on their nesting habits to hazard a guess why), but glad the rosellas look set to stay. Have I told you about the willy wagtails that nested at my place? They were great.

I like the sound of frogs, though it makes me kind of sad now. I had one in my little family for a while, a surprise visitor in a crate of beans at work. He was with me for six months or so before he died. I fear my knowledge was too scarce on his care, though I found out as much about his species as I could.

I'll try and persevere with the mindfulness. With a brain as full as mine, it's going to take a spot of work (especially with birds tweeting adorably at me, like Sir Pecks is now). Hopefully we both get the hang of it. 🙂

Blue.

[Lost_Girl]

Hello Len,

Just saying a hi and bye. I am off on a short holiday. About time my hubby got a break, I hear his wife is a bit of work 😉

Take care my friend and I will catch you around. Keep up that awesome spirit.

Cheers, Carol xx

[Airies]

Hi Carol,

all good down this end. Survived another week of DBT. Got to keep on soldiering on. You know you are inspirational. I'm sure your hubby loves you to bits as my wife does me, though I do get pangs of guilt when I think everything is rosy and I should be doing more.Hope you have a magic holiday and a well earned break. We have something much the same pencilled in towards the end of next month. A treat and a rarity to get away these days. I had a ball today, taken up the harmonica or mouth organ and attempted to play away.Something I've always wanted to do, a bit of an escape and hhopefully with some online lessons will be jamming away. Massive had ache , missing my PRN meds ran out and can't get any until tomorow.

Btw I get that awesome spirit from you and a few others here. It's contagious.:)

cheers Len xx

[Kazzl]

Woo hoo! Len's got himself a harmonica! Go for it man! It would work best with that cool hat I reckon 😃

I have to go get ready for work but just wanted to pop in and say hi and wish you well mate. Hope to catch up soon.

Kaz

[Airies]

Hi Kazz,

yeah getting a bit bluesy as I'm getting old. Will don the hat on a sunny day and break out the harmonica on my front bench and simply enjoy.It's so much fun . Hopefully my neighbours won't complain as I immerse myself into my music. You must be winding down Kazz, I'm sure you will walk out with your head held high. Have a good one and a better weekend

cheers Len

[Kazzl]

Hiya Len, just popping in to say hi. Hope you're feeling good today mate.

Cheers

Kaz

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Len,

Just when I thought you were already too cool for school, you get a harmonica! Nice one Len. I can picture you with the hat, sunnies and the harmonica, sitting on your bench playing the blues and being super chilled out.

I could quite happily sit in the sun enjoying that.

I am glad you and your wife have booked some time out. It was exactly what we needed, although I wish we had stayed longer. There's something very soothing about being in the country amongst the trees and animals. Not to mention the beautiful clear night sky and the warmth of a log fire.

I am hoping you got your meds sorted and are feeling a bit better. I am still trying to work with my meds with the sleepiness but it is slowly getting right. Small steps hey.

I bought a lovely notebook yesterday. I plan to use it as a "bullet notebook", apparently that is a trend with young people especially in the U.S. from what I can see. I am going to include in it all of the tasks, plans and goals for getting better. Writing it down will help keep me honest I hope (well as long as hubby stops buying chocolate of course).

The sunshine certainly helps me feel more positive. It is amazing how the light and warmth can make such a difference. On holidays we had an 18m indoor heated pool and spa. I had a bit of a swim but soaked in the spa and it was devine. I plan to spend some time in a nearby hydrotherapy pool. It helped a lot.

Thinking of you Len,

I hope your day is as special as you.

Carol xx