Feeling ok and the tide has turned

[Airies]

A year ago I was a mess and for 8 months I was in a dark dark place. Numerous hospital visits, medications, supportive family and lifestyle choices and I'm feeling ok.Being bipolar type 1 I tend to do things to extremes. I'm starting to string a number of good days together... I'm starting DBT in a few weeks which will test me somewhat. I'm putting one foot in front of another, not making any huge decisions and part of me is thinking I could be lulling myself into a false sense of security...I'm expecting a fall... I don't want to go where I was.. I don't know whether I could survive another bad episode.. It was scary and I was over it. I continue to have nightmares at night.. I sleep in some sort f medicated bliss but I have my moments.

cheers Len

[white knight]

Hi Len

Its great to see you on the flip side but as a co- bipolarite I have a lot if empathy for you.

Its likely thus feeling if walking on thin ice will linger. I have never really been wjtjiut it. It can be a feeling of insecurity.

It us all.ist, in my view, a waste of time trying to explain to many what it's like and how low you can go. I don't know about you but I can over react and be very sensitive which clouds my true self. I tend to detest some aspects of peoples actions.

So our oddities can lead to difficulties in blending into groups. I no longer want others to understand. Best to just mingle with those that at least try.

I don't know about you but I find there is a "sweet spot" in how much I emerse myself into society. But I get it wrong often as kindness causes me to extend myself beyond my capacity.. If you find that spot you'll maximise your contentment and stability.

Then if all else fail you're best to somehow remember how healthy you are now in comparison. Write how well you feel now and stick it on a wall. Because we tend yo be so absorbed with the struggle we don't think well survive.

But you will. Judging on your positive and inclusive approach on this forum ...you'll be OK. Beyondblue is here.

Tony WK

[Fairywings]

Hi len venessa here xx yes bipolar disorder will do that to u. I'm proud that u r able to feel an episode coming about now it's the way we manage this fall xx I know exactly what you are experiencing bc i am bipolar as well have been for more than 20 yrs xx i used to have episodes multiple times a day now with the help of my medication i have one a month xx i need u to stay positive and talk away the negative thoughts u may be having during the onset of ur episode xx if i remember correctly you have been thru so much and please don't be too hard on urself u have all of us here to help u and if you need reach out to us don't try and deal with it on ur own u don't deserve to feel the need to think ur needing to deal with this alone bc i do agree with you the episodes can be very scary but the trick is to control this little monster before it tries to control us xx nice to have spoken with you len please take care of your self and just know that we are all here for you xx Venessa

[blondguy]

Hi Len

Just the way you have phrased something that I have have learned from and if I can quote you...

"I'm putting one foot in front of another, not making any huge decisions"

Thankyou for the great and therapeutic reminder...My Best...Paul

[Airies]

Thanks Vanessa,Tony and Paul,

i feel almost guilty in a way feeling like I do, but I'm taking a reality check as well.Ive removed a lot of stresses in my life..So in a way it's a false hope...I like the rest of us want to find that sweet spot and stay there. If I have a massive fall it will be like going into an abyss.

ive been through a bit, we all have. Great network of supportive, genuine people here. I tend to wear my heart on a sleeve and blurt it all out.. That's me. Hoping I can support others here and it's gratifying.Just listening to my sons voice on the phone took me back to my darkest place briefly. If it wasn't for his timely intervention and a series of events taking place I wouldn't be here. A reminder of how much hurt,pain and misery I almost caused.

i limit everything I do. Moderation is one of the keys.Paul I couldn't make a decision to save myself -my wife does all the financial stuff. I just float around in my own little world.

thanks for being here

big long hugs to all of you

cheers Len

[Fairywings]

Thanks len and likewise to you. Ur input is very important and value to the beautiful souls we help here so keep up the great job venessa

[blondguy]

Len...having the guts/courage to write what you have makes you a strong person....When I joined BB I was terrified and didnt have the strength you have now

If I can thankyou for the super kind compliments you wrote about the forums....and the people on them...Its not often we get compliments, so thanks BIG time...always a huge bonus to get a pat on the back Len

My kind thoughts to you (and your family of course) Len...

I really hope you can stick around

My Best

Paul

[white knight]

Hi Len,

I'm pleased you have comfort here.

Great to see some committed members in blondeguy and fairywings reply...these guys have been there, they like I know there is that "sweet spot" and the effort needed to get there whether it's bipolar or anxiety...there is peace to find.

Many of us also share our separation of our children. My youngest now 24yo walked up my driveway early this year and said those magic words "hi dad" and later "I want to be in your life". That followed eleven years absence due to a brain washing mother.

Now my life after countless tears has become full again and that sweet spot is there with the occasional waver. My sensitivity, over reactions, anger and ease of hurt are all still there but I can through the best dosage of medicine, lead a better life.

I join with Paul to acknowledge your guts in pointing yourself in the right direction. Like a warrior there comes a time when you face your demons. BB are there beside you.

Tony WK

[Kazzl]

Hi Len - just adding my love and support too. You are a wonderful contributor here and you've helped me a lot. I'm so glad things are improving for you mate. And happy Spring! We'll be out digging in our gardens in no time. 😄

Hi Venessa - I didn't realise you're bipolar - wow, what a damn fine bunch we are! Hugs to you sweetie.

Cheers

Kaz

[Fairywings]

hi gorgeous lady yes i am bipolar, BPD and body dysmorphic disorder as well as depression nice combination 🙂 hugs to you too sweet one Venessa xx