Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[white knight]

Hi rx

As with any guidance some members here might not be capable of any such peace that I've found. Also, this is how I'm feeling now, a manic episode will debunk the theory.

The purpose of my post was to illustrate that practical logical steps with determination can work in some cases.

"Actions speak louder than words" words meaning- dwelling. Dwelling like worry serves little purpose and if aired often can turn away friends and irritate the most patient partner.

TonyWK

[Guest_1584]

Yeah l hear ya Tony and even when l say ex w and l didn't talk about thing like this much my moods - which were just talking but in another form did take their toll for sure. l later on felt much guilt for putting her through them tbh.

l was wondering about what you were saying as apposed to living with bp also and how that balanced out. But you've got your family and w and love your place and your life so l think a self pat on the back is due and you've done pretty damn good myself.

rx

[white knight]

Like anything else rx it's the extreme actions or thoughts that get us in trouble. Most people with a concionce have guilt. For some however we find it difficult to not dwell on our actions especially when the person we treat poorly is hurt and / or reminds us of our wrongful actions.

However it isn't logical to dwell because we cannot change the past

TonyWK

[Guest_1584]

Your right now that you put it that way Tony, my extremes have always been my worst enemy tbh. Matter of fact l've spent yrs trying to tone myself back a few notches .

l really admire people whom can leave the past at the past. My gf is also very good at that and the beautiful thing is that with her, it also comes from all the right and compassionate places.

[white knight]

Rx

Our extremes are not normal, normal for us but not commonly normal. So, if we have insight to this, how can we like ourselves...because we know we are abnormal right?

The saying goes "with mental illness if you have insight you are one of the lucky ones" well that means your illness is not so bad that you are unaware of your actions. Then you are indeed a lucky one but...being aware of your abnormal behaviour means you are likely self tormented about it.

The remedies of overcoming extreme behaviour is-

• Growing enough self esteem that eventually you think "I don't care what people think"
• Obtaining treatment that leads to reduced extreme behaviour to the point whereby 1/ it isn't noticed by others 2/ that you feel like you fit in
• The your extreme behaviour is in areas that doesn't effect others eg behaviour in private

In my experience there is a balance to achieve a goal.

• Enough therapy to allow me to continue to learn how to be less extreme.
• Best medication for me
• A great supportive partner
• Some self praise that I'm unique and my illness provides good qualities..eg my poetry, empathy etc
• And to reassure myself that humans aren't perfect. Eg gamblers, criminals, narcissists and so on are all imperfect.

TonyWK

[Guest_1584]

Yeah l've always been aware of mine , and other peoples. That's what's made it grate , if we weren't it wouldn't bother us l suppose right.

lt still does and always has amazed me though in that how some can just walk away from maybe doing the same or even much worse, and never look back or give it a second thought. They're lucky really , blissful ignorance, it'd be a nice way to be sometimes.

But yeah, my partner and l have the saying of nobodies perfect.

[smallwolf]

Hi Rx...

how about....

I am perfect just as I am.

[mmMekitty]

'Perfect' is such a high standard. What's wrong with being 'okay' or 'good enough'? That doesn't mean we stop finding ways to be better, & learning new things, & continuing to grow.... ?? What's wrong with that?

Warmly, ❤️❤️❤️

mmMekitty

[Moonstruck]

dear smallwolf........ Yes you are right .....you are perfect just the way you are. So am I......

[Elizabeth CP]

I totally agree with MeKitty What's wrong with being 'okay' or 'good enough'? That doesn't mean we stop finding ways to be better, & learning new things, & continuing to grow.... ?? Noone is perfect we can all improve and learn things.

We need to learn to accept how we are now while still acknowledging there are opportunities to change, learn grow and develop. That is an important part of being human. When we see a child learning a new skill whether walking reading or anything else when they fall over or stumble over a word or make a mistake no dcent person berates them. Instead they are encourage for trying as we accept they are doing their best based on their ability. We need to do the same with ourselves as adults accepting our imperfect efforts as doing our best under the circumstances but still being prepared to learn from our mistakes or look for ways to slowly improve. The essential thing in doing this is to be truelly honest with ourselves. If we are procrastinating or doing things which are unhelpful pushing ourselves to try harder is OK. Conversely if we are struggling because of illness or competing demands or stresses then giving ourselves the space to take time to focus on what is important even if that means taking a break to recover. Being perfect is unrealistic. doing our best under our individual circumstances is good