Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[white knight]

Hi onmyown

Sometimes tokenism works if you convince yourself. Certainly feeling a failure will mean you "dont like yourself"

When your kids enter bad at night, if you commit yourself to reading to them a short book, cuddle them, tell them how wonderful they are and so on, then you are indeed a good parent.

You might not live up to expectations during the day but if you do the above then you have reason to be content with your parenthood.

TonyWK

[white knight]

Hi Quirky

What makes you feel you are wrong to feel controlled?

What I've identified with "controllers" is the following-

• Being sensitive I'm more likely to react badly to being controlled
• That my interpretation of being controlled is often merely firmness of someone expressing opinion that grates on me
• That if someone is controlling me (and therefore everyone would feel controlled) then that is unacceptable
• That being how we are (MI, emotional fragility etc) means in some ways others need to work around that for harmony, eg more tact needed and softly spoken and regular meetings over a cuppa to move forward easier
• That if you have low self esteem, others need to realise that your heart can shatter in an instant.
• That there should be no guilt on our part for others to make effort for the above especially if we give appreciative gestures. As partners we would do the same for them and indeed do so perhaps in different ways.
• Apart from knee jerk "natural" reactions to pressure or control (which is understandable and acceptable) we can look into bettering our responses so we can bridge the gap between us and our relationships. Often, because of MI we have to carry out post conflict actions, apologies, chats etc. Sad but that's the way it is. Same as controllers need to reflect on what works with us as individuals and adjust accordingly. You are a good person Quirky, everyone knows that including your family members regardless if they fall into bossy mode occasionally.
• TonyWK

[missep123]

Hi everyone,

Recently I started incorporating meditation into my daily routine. An interesting mantra that was in one of them was 'I am not my body, I am not even my mind'. This helps to ground me when I'm feeling like I'm finding myself spiraling or having negative self talk.

[missep123]

The other day I found myself ruminating about something and I stopped and told myself 'that is not you!'. That helped!

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

I actually usually come in here when I don’t feel good about me. But, I was thinking about my uni graduation coming up in a few weeks, and I thought about how huge it is that I’m graduating despite the many challenges I’ve faced to get here.

In the beginning I doubted I was smart enough to even go to uni, and yet I’ll be graduating with honours. I lost people along the way - my grandma, my unborn bubba, my partner… but I kept going. My mental health was incredibly poor at times, but I kept going.

So, here I am acknowledging all of that, and my amazingness (pardon the deserved brag), because i think it’s important. Yeah - I like me 🙂

[smallwolf]

Hello everyone.

I was talking with my psychologist this week. One of the things I mentioned was that I rate myself between a 4.5 and 5.5 out of 10. Rather than being in this small channel I would like the 5.5 to be say a 7.

Secondly I was listening to a podcast on mental health and I think they mentioned sanding down the joy receptors or something like that and getting used to criticism.

Back to the psychologist... My psychiatrist said that I was a kind and considerate person etc. I described many of my acts as inventory management, saving myself from being yelled at later on etc. It is me thinking the worst.

By not allowing myself to feel joy, or seeing myself doing kind acts I also myself of liking myself.

Rather than being hard on myself, maybe by learning that I am how my psychiatrist and psychologist described me then I might be able to like myself. And reach that 7.

I am sure many of the people here are kind, supportive, caring etc. If we could see ourselves how some others see us...

This is the bridge I am trying to fix. To be able to be more kind to myself.

[Guest_1584]

Atm , when l look at where l am now, after all this life, l feel like a total lost cause. l've been handed incredible things in life, by life itself l mean, not by the silver spoon, incredible opportunities have come my way, incredible people, yet here l sit , totally alone, l didn't look after any of it, treasure it , l didn't care for the garden. Yet l tried with good heart, but l have faults too that at my age l should've had fixed long long ago but still making the same mistakes and it's left me here.

l'm disgusted with where l'm at, and l don't know how to fix those faults. Bc at the end of the day we have to do the work, someone else can tell us how, but it's still all up to us in the end, they can tell us or we can learn it, but we have to do it.

Hands in air.

rx

[white knight]

Hi Missep

Self declared boundaries help define our character. There's nothing wrong with that.

My name is Tony however I do identify a character called Anthony. Anthony lives beyond my character boundary.

I tend to create these metaphors to make these situations sound more logical to myself. You said "that's not me". Well I do the same and have named the buggar.

This mental step defines our character and therefore helps us like the real self because the waters aren't muddied by the parts of us that is there but is unwanted.

TonyWK

[quirkywords]

Tony

I need to think about what you wrote.
Maybe one quirky is enough but I have different sides to my personality.

[Ggrand]

Hello Everyone...🤗..

This past week I haven’t really liked myself..not all of me, just that part that keeps running away from confrontation, that part of me that just sits/stands very quietly and listens to another person letting all her pent up frustration and anger out on me...for no other reason, then I am there..

I have learnt a long time again, to just shut up, listen and bite my tongue....I fear so much other people’s retaliation...

Then after a few moments, hours or the next day...I start to really to dislike myself because of my lack of courage to defend myself.....Trying to accept this part of me has been a hard and constant struggle....This flaw* is so much stronger then the parts of me I like...It starts to control my thoughts, throws the other parts away, until all I can see is this timid, scared person..that I so much dislike...

I wish I didn’t have that part of me in me...