Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[geoff]

Hello Ezzi, thanks and it's also great to have you on the forums and I certainly understand the problem about eating foods we shouldn't be having, as I'm doing the same, too much chocolate, but I love it.

Sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind, not that we want to, but when the same situation keeps on being mentioned every year for a long time, then the person is not doing what is suggested, you can't overcome these problems by yourself, you need help in one way or another.

Thank you.

My Best.

Geoff.

[Doolhof]

Hi Paul,

Thanks for your comments. I don't mean to go on like a broken record, but trying to receive any Drs appointment, in person, via the phone, or over the internet via zoom can take 3 to 4 weeks.

If it is an emergency, the Drs may have a spare consultation available.

Yes, I can try to make an appointment with a Dr in 3 to 4 weeks then ask if they are available in another 3 to 4 weeks and book in advance. I also have the issue of not being able to book in with the same Dr anymore. I don't know why that is, it is just happening.

It frustrates me not having regular care. I could go to a different medical centre 50 kilometres away and try to establish a permanent Dr there. Country Drs are over booked.

[ecomama]

Dear Ezzi and all

We just DON'T KNOW what's really going on for a person, do we?
I wouldn't take anything mentioned on the forums "personally".
It's full of ppl experiencing mental unwellness, so some times things come outta the blue.
Water off a duck's back dear (and back to the self-care thread lol).

Tbh Geoff I was shocked to read a couple were told to never again to mention their child that had passed!
That's disgraceful.

If I want to talk about my brother who passed as a baby and how I still miss him and WISH he was here, I will and I can. If my FAMILY want to talk about him then we will over 50y later.

Grief lasts X long. For some, and I would say probably for ALL, when they lose a child, grief will last a lifetime.

For the others who've so sadly lost their child or children, I FEEL FOR YOU. Massive HUGS!
When ppl around you IRL have not allowed you to share your grief, grieved WITH you and allowed you the "holding space" moments?
Then of course you will come into a MH Forum and discuss it with us and you can and you should.
For x long.

Allergies can last a lifetime, why can't the grief of losing a child last a lifetime too. That's a rhetorical question, I'm trying to make a POINT.
There's far too much misunderstanding out there and we DON'T want to mirror the cruelty of our society and even our families at times; the dismissiveness, the abuse, the shunning.

The "you should be over it by now" slant.
By who's measure is that by?
Rhetorical.

If someone has the "magic formula" for dissolving the grief over the loss of a child then they'd be millionaires and we'd all be robots. Some say "medication helps", that's up to them. It's not my thing, I'm open to feeling all human emotions.

Do I LIKE myself?
YES I DO.

I'm an awesome friend because I allow my friends to still grieve WITH me over the loss of their baby decades later.
If a support group was available then maybe that would help.
But having a support group + awesome friends = empathy, supporting recovery, friendship,healing.

Who am I to judge such a tremendous loss.

LOVE to all
EMxxxx

[Birdy77]

Dear Mrs Dools and Emo,

My heart goes out to you, i am deeply sorry for the pain in your hearts and for the cruel ways in which you have been treated and spoken to by those who are supposed to care for you, and strangers alike. You matter and we care about you.

I am finding it really upsetting to read comments here that say it's not ok for a person to come here and discuss their pain whenever they need to, even year after year, and that we need to be cruel to be kind. It is not in the spirit of BB to tell our friends here to stop talking about it, deal with it already, or just keep insisting they go check in with their gp. To me it feels dismissive and invalidating, and to say it depends on how determined the individual is to heal? This hurts.

[Doolhof]

Hi Birdy,

Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughts. Grief can be life long, it can sneak up on us or bombard us with sad memories at any time.

When our son was still born, I was talking to a lady in her late 90's who had also lost a baby in her early marriage. She openly cried and stated her heart was still broken even though she was later able to have other children.

Understanding any infliction can be difficult. I know I do not always have words that are comforting and caring for people.

I also understand comments about regularly seeing a Dr. It is beneficial if you can see the same Dr. I'm just frustrated with the medical system here.

Finding other sources of help and assistance is beneficial also.

Thank you once again Birdy for your caring comments. We do have wonderful people here in this community.

Hope you are having an okay kind of day Birdy.

I went grocery shopping earlier, I started to freak out a little and came home with very few groceries. Looks like we are eating potatoes this week! Ha. Ha. I managed to hold it together and drive home, so yer, I like myself despite the fact I didn't achieve what I set out to do.

Cheers to you and all from Dools

[CMF]

Hi JStar,

Thank you. She came home last night, we had a bit of a chat about it and all is good. i will def be trying to calm my temper as i know it is a stressful time for her. Oh yes, here dad comes in as the White Knight when it is convenient, having said that, she sadi he was not home most of tghe weekend, he was at his new gf's house. So our daughter went there, hasn't stayed there for a while and he preferred to be with his new gf. I had said to my partner yesterday that he will be the White Knight till he meets someone new...and there it is.

I was really scared she would chose to spend her bday with him, plus in the next few months we will have her graduation and awards night (probably on line) and i would be devastated if she chose to spend these with him when i am the one who has always been here for my kids. Last year during our long lockdown he chose to spend it in WA with his then gf. he went there indefinitely, planning to come back after xmas, until they broke up. He left his own kids behind to spend months with someone else's kids. Pretty sad. Anyway, my daughter is pretty switched on, my son doesnt care lol.

I'm so relieved she is back. it is a tr4icky tine for all.

cmf x

[Birdy77]

Mrs Dools, you are an inspiration.

You respond with grace and humility, no matter what you face.

Your resilience is amazing.

I know a lot of your friends here at BB look up to you. I know i do.

Thank you for being you.

[quirkywords]

Birdy

I agree with your post and your insights about Dools.

Does any one find that they are more likely and more quickly to become impatient, angry or annoyed during stressful times like lockdown.

quirky

[Jstar49]

Hi all,

Yep! It’s as if I have something extra demanding my attn all the time. I can’t just go on ‘cruise control’ mode, or else I’ll forget to do something- like bring my mask!

CMF that’s great that your d’s home with you again. And good that she can see the situation with her dad with clear eyes. Good luck with staying calm! It’s a challenging time.
all the best,

J*

[Guest_1643]

Hi all, exciting to read the empathy and connections and SYNCHRONICITY on here. People making others feel validated and supported. I'm reading along and feeling touched.

I'm out of hospital , it was a bad experience but it helped me through being bad.... I learnt I was strong. I was not treated well but I am okay now.

I really like how I'm developing or reconnecting to myself and making my own choices from pure gut instinct. No one can argue with that! Listening to urself etc