Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[Doolhof]

Hi Emo,

You have shared so much in this message. I am sorry to read of your grief and loss as well.

There can be so much mixed up in our lives related to a loss of any kind, many things that other people might not consider or even imagine happens.

Like the will! I had wanted some of my child hood things from my parents home. Mum said we didn't have children so she gave them to other family members who just trashed it all. My in-laws changed their wills too as they didn't think we were deserving as we didn't have children.

What I don't understand is family members that treat you like you don't matter as you don't have children, then they get older or sicker, require help, and expect you to be there for them! What is it with that!

I'm not sure what we have available thread wise in the grief and loss section, I might start up a new thread for anyone with suggestions on how to deal with grief to share there.

Wishing you strength and an ability to see just how special you are, grief and all. Cheers from Dools

[topsy_]

Hi all,

I hope this finds everyone feeling ok - or better than ok!

Special call out to Sleepy & Dools. I hope happier days are coming.

Cheers to all, T.

[CMF]

I don't like myself ATM. My older daughter is in yr12 and stuck in lockdown. All her music performances have been cancelled, it sux. I'm also working from home and have an 8yo doing remote learning.

Last week older daughter was at her dad's for dinner, I was home trying to sort something out to help her. When she got home I was about to ask how else I coukd help but before I could open my mouth she was really rude to me, had a go at me. I was upset & hurt. Later on I barged into her room and gave her a piece of my mind. She has now gone to stay at her Dads, it's her 18th bday this Friday.

I can't stop crying, I was too harsh but the way she spoke to me , out of nowhere, shocked me. My heart has been ripped out 😢

[Jstar49]

Hey CMF,

teenage mood swings suck! It’s really hard to know how to deal hey. And it sounds like the extra stress on your daughter is making things super difficult just now.
Im really sorry hey. I kinda know what it’s like.
Hopefully while she’s at her dads you can both get a bit of peace and calm, and be able to be in a different space when you talk again.
It’s a tough gig. Sometimes the whole mother daughter dynamic can be really hard. And in my experience, it was my kids dad who looked like the white knight.
Hang in there, the best thing you can do is look after you right now. Be kind to yourself, you didn’t do anything wrong. She’s obviously stressed out and taking it out on you. Blame her undeveloped amygdala!

Hope tomorrows a better day,

Cheers,

J*

[blondguy]

Hi Everyone! New posters are always welcome to post too 🙂

Its not easy, yet one of the best ways be can be kind to ourselves is to have regular 'appointments' with our GP

Hi Dools.....I didnt mean physical appointments with your doc...especially during covid!.....I meant ongoing phone contact which can provide us with some peace and reassurance while we are still experiencing long term trauma like yourself. Whether or not a person is based in a country or a metropolitan area isn't relevant

Of course its up to the individual and how determined they are to help themselves heal

my kind thoughts always

Paul

[Ezzi]

Hello. Yesterday (sunday) i didn't like myself due to lack of self control by eating all the wrong foods. Am suffering the consequences for not being strong enough. For those reading that may not be a real issue for you, it is for me. I haven't exercised for almost 5mths and that's not good either. Do have the knowledge of all the Do,s and Don'ts of how to keep relatively fit and eating good foods. I'm so disgusted with myself. When it comes to the No, No foods especially when it tastes so good and right now this very minute I'm really physically ill. Nothing is helping me and can't seem to counteract the food intolerance plus allergic reactions of what I've eaten. Usually i don't have those foods in the place as i know very well I've no self control over them so i dont buy it. Was given to me by a kind friend. I forgot to read the labels. Always hsve emergency food on hand to counteract those dreadful reactions. I don't fancy going out anywhere in the wild raining weather.

[geoff]

Hello Everyone, when we keep bringing up old problems that happened many years ago, then we haven't addressed these concerns as suggested by the medical fraternity to get the treatment we need, to help us overcome any PTSD we may be struggling with.

I sadly remember when a close couple lost a baby many years ago and after a while was told not to mention the subject again as he/wife had sort help and was able to let the sorrow go, although it did still have a special memory in their heart but had learnt to cope with it themselves and lock it away.

They had received counselling whether it was face to face or by phone and if at any stage they were weakened, then they had phone numbers of those who were trained to help in this situation and didn't want sympathy from people close to them only because this would change how they got on with their lives.

It doesn't matter how far away these counsellors and/or doctors are away from you, the phone is always available to set up a new contact and if you are unable or don't want to do this, then you are not helping yourself or the ones you love who live with you.

We all need help in situations like this and being in denial shouldn't be an option.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Ezzi]

Hello Geoff. Just read your post. What and who nm in particular are you referring it too. Regards

[geoff]

Hello Ezzi, it's someone else who I know has been posting comments at least over the past 6 years or more about the same topic but hasn't sort help.

I don't mean any harm by saying what I've said because I respect this person.

Sorry.

Geoff.

[Ezzi]

Thank you Geoff. Sometimes things needs to be said not only a few times but several times before anyone comes to their senses to realize they do have a real issue. It's really sad to read those posts about people who have those issues without ever addressing it. It could be for number of reasons why they haven't gone to Drs, counsellors so on. We really don't know what's behind every post. Perhaps there are other issues that needs to be addressed before they are ready to face facts. With some people it's extremely painful to face it head on. You're doing a great job by writing it. Regards