Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[smallwolf]

It's contextual ... if I am helping out and someone says I should be at home with family then ... well, that part annoys me and I won't like myself so much or the person who said it (for a short while). In these instances I am helping because [insert reasons here] and if the family needed me immediately I would know or would have been told in advance so I know what I am doing.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Of note, I was soooooooo tired last night and full of raging anxiety, and really NOT liking myself. Thinking about things I said or did or didn’t do, and feeling like a complete no hoper…

Today, I woke up and didn’t feel like that at all. Just goes to show what an impact tiredness and anxiety can have.

[quirkywords]

Katy thanks for that insight on the affect of tiredness and anxiety on ones mood.

For me I am tired most of the time as I don’t sleep well, so if I factor that in ! I can sometimes see why I am being negative towards my self.

[Emo]

Hi Grandy,

Thank you so much for such a detailed and supportive post. I don't know where to start. I'm not sure if I will ever be as brave as you are and have been during your recovery but I will try. Your words give me hope of one day maybe I will be able to recover from this and stop hating myself.

Today has been a very bad day, I'm emotionally exhausted so I've lost all hope of things get better but I'm hoping that tomorrow will be better. I just feel so numb, maybe it's best that I feel nothing.

I will keep reading your powerful words to make me want to still exist on this earth. I hope that life for you keeps getting better. You deserve the best of everything as you are the kindest person. Your willingness to reach out to others when you have things going on in your life is to be admired. I hope I will be able to make you proud one day when I finally leave my husband. Thank you.

Regards,

Emo.

[Emo]

Hi Smallwolf,

Your words make so much sense to me. I felt like I had to stay out of commitment and fear and my love of my husband and the feeling that I deserved it. The list could go on and on but I know that you're right, I need to focus on my path forward and be proud of myself for finally making the decision to leave. I'm a work in progress, I'm not there yet but I'm trying.

I hope that things are going well in life and I truly appreciate you reaching out to me. You probably don't realise how less lonely I feel and what a difference it makes to know that someone cares when you are going through a very painful time in your life and that you are not completely alone. Thank you.

Regards,

Emo.

[smallwolf]

In moments where negative thoughts run our lives we can easily forget how important we are and what we mean to other people in our lives. And that also means being able to look after ourselves as well. There may be fear and uncertainty in the future and there are people who will walk that journey with you. Everyone is a work in progress. Try to make the right decisions. Then moving on, or trying to, with confidence. Or acceptance.

And then ... perhaps the space that was taken up by your husband can be taken by other things including yourself. Because you deserve it.

[Doolhof]

Hi Everyone,

It has been quite a roller coaster month for me. August is the month when our son was stillborn. Part of my not liking myself is because I have not dealt healthily with the combined grief of loosing pregnancies and not knowing who I am as a person as I had always desired to be a mother.

As smallwolf so wisely mentioned here: In moments where negative thoughts run our lives we can easily forget how important we are and what we mean to other people in our lives. I need to look beyond the grief, let go of the hurt and pain, the cruel words of others regarding my pregnancy losses and look at what I do have.

It does not matter that my parents and my in laws repeatedly said over the years they won't come to our house because we don't have children. That we can't have Christmas at our place because we have no children. That we are not invited to other family for Christmas, there is no point as we don't have children and Christmas is for kids.

I need to let go of my sense of self worth that has been smashed to pieces by other people's cruel and hurtful words and actions for over 20 years now.

I can not share my sense of loss with family. They don't get it. I am a worthy person even if I don't have live children. I can like myself!

[Sophie_M]

Hi Doolhof,  

This sounds like an incredibly difficult time, we’re sorry to hear that this is a tricky month. We’re glad you are able to share here, and we really value yours and smallwolf’s words. We hope they bring you some comfort. 

Please remember to reach out and use all the support you need during this time. The forums are here for you, and so are our counsellors on 1300 22 4636, or via webchat. Other options are Griefline on 1300 845 745, Red Nose Grief and Loss on 1300 308 307, and Sands on 1300 308 307.  

We hope you're able to be kind to yourself through this, as you are deserving of kindness and support. This community is here for you, whenever you want to share. 

Kind regards, 

Sophie M 

[Doolhof]

Hi Sophie_M,

Thank you for your kind words and for the names and phone numbers of organisations I can reach out to, I greatly appreciate that information.

It can be overwhelming trying to Google and find places that may be able to assist.

Today I was very blessed to spend time with a friend and her young grandson. I was so thrilled when she said she was going to bring him along for a chat.

I'm also so very thankful I live in S.A. so this is still possible.

Someone also told me of a funeral home that has a grief counsellor! I didn't know that option was available either. I have phoned and made an appointment .

Thanks again Sophie. Regards from Dools

[Elizabeth CP]

Dools, I can't even imagine the pain & grief you have experienced. I'm really sorry for the thoughtless comments made by others which has made it difficult to move on. I think you are right. You can't change the past and need to accept that some people aren't capable of having the empathy to understand what you needed and to avoid hurtful comments or behaviours. Those people who make these negative comments or behaviours are demonstrating their weaknesses. As you said and need to remind yourself ' You are a worthy person' I have 5 living children. That makes me extremely fortunate but does not make me better or worse than anyone who is unable to have living children.

I hope you can get the support you need to deal with your grief & loss effectively