Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[white knight]

Thankyou Quirky

Some people experience trauma as you have, of a specific nature, and they can't relate to the enormity of your suffering.

What I don't understand is why people cannot support others regardless of not understanding what that experience would be like.

You Quirky has survived a terrible experience yet you continue to support those in need. Such action is using positivity in a meaningful way. Perhaps you are more positive than you realise.

Along with being a kind person.

TonyWK

[quirkywords]

Tony

Thanks for your kind words. My secret is out I may have a positive side.

in my family I was called negative Nancy probably for what I was liked when depressed.

I can be positive but I think I am more a realist. Mind you if I am around complainers and negative people it gets me down an I would prefer positive people.

I think liking our selves for many of us depends on our moods and the way we are thinking.

I like the discussions here as they help me and others try to work out how we can help ourselves on our mental health journey.

[ecomama]

Hey Jack2021

Thankyou for your reply to my welcome post.
Man I remember being 27yo like it was (almost) yesterday lol. I had NO IDEA what life would throw at me in the future and luckily for that!

But life had already been so tough by 27yo... way too tough, you wouldn't want to know lol.

I wanted to ask if you've started your own thread?
If so, what's it called?

My eldest children are around your age. My babies are teens now, Bless their cotton socks.

If my dad were around to talk with you he would say that 28yo is a BIG CHANGING time in one's life. He was an Astrologer amongst many other things lol!

BE EXCITED because amazing things are happening. You're like the butterfly struggling in the chrysalis right now. Soon you'll fly.

And when you do, you'll feel AMAZING, like I do right now.

Life is amazing. YOU are amazing.

You've got this Jack.

Love EM
Oops yep!! I LIKE myself more than before lol. I tackled a grrrring issues at work really professionally and pretty much immediately.

I used to have a strong sense of Justice but now I know the world's not fair, so when Justice is dealt out, hey I'll take it!

Onwards and UPwards friends.
Love EM

[Jack2021]

Hiya ecomama 😊😊

Thank you as well! 😊

Damn...sounds like you went through some tough things...how old are you around about if you don't mind me asking? 😊😊

Also first off I apologize if most of this message comes off as a bit strange looking and/or nonsensical, had an anxiety attack yesterday and another one today and still not in the best frame of mind really....feeling stupid, hopeless, worthless, like a failure, and not being able to do anything right ... basically I have no self esteem or self confidence, even on good days, it's still really hard...

Mmm started a few threads, one was
Looking for others experiences talking to loved ones about your mental health?
And another was something along the lines of
"Dealing with work induced depression and anxiety"

Did you have a thread btw? 😊

Thank you so much for the kind words, it's very sweet of you and means a lot, but for me the tricky part is I've heard a lot of that sort of thing before and I can no longer believe it or try to accept it anymore...or at least not in my current mental state...

The tricky part was that my whole life feels like failure after failure, and letdown after letdown, in pretty much all aspects of life really.....work and career wise has been the main trigger for all my depression and anxiety though, I went through highschool not really knowing what I wanted to do, before choosing a certain career because I thought it may be what I liked...studied an advanced diploma in it, then when it came to getting the job...didn't make the cut....so went off to a totally unrelated field (logistics) and worked in it for about 9 years...a lot of hiccups and different workplaces, but overall, it was liveable...fast forward to my last full time gig and last few jobs.....completely destroyed all my confidence and self esteem, and sent me on this path of severe anxiety and depression...and that just stuffs up every other part of my life it seems...friends, family, relationship, life outside of work...everything feels like it's been painted black.....

It's just that days like this I really don't know how to cope 😞

[Guest_1584]

This is the sort of thing l'm always clutching at around here too J.

My depression doesn't come from chemical imbalances or as far as l know any other physicality in those ways , it comes from life and what was left of it after divorce. No it's not an ex thing ex and l are fine in those ways and we still work together for my daughter and get along fine. But as married , your life and achievements are built around that so divorce at the wrong time can blow the whole lot to kingdom come , and not to mention going through the divorce itself and huge life changes. One minute we were set , we owned properties and at 45 we wouldn't even have to work if we didn't want to, next with the timing of it, all gone now l can't not work probably until retirement age and 8yrs has been exhausting and a complete rebuilding almost from scratch. And l notice she's not in much better shape than me even though she's remarried now ha, could be why, but she's exhausted 24 7 too and working harder than ever , no clue on their situation.

l'll say one thing though , life can change in heartbeats and not only for the worse but turn new corners for the better too and for you you just never know what might be around the next one. Meeee, not so much l'm probably older and l've already been so lucky in life and had so many opportunities but now this , l feel like l've used up all those corners.

rx

[quirkywords]

Jack I try to avoid the word failure as it is such a powerful word that really is black and white.

I see someone who is trying, maybe has made a few mistakes, but not a failure

When depression takes hold it can be so deceptive making us feel we have no confidence or

self esteem that very things feels like can’t do any thing right. On those days depression is a liar.
it can be hard to like oneself when everything is grey.
Even if you chose one thing like the fact you are willing to change .

[white knight]

RX, yes life has twists and turns. So many people mid life say 40-55yo face extraordinary challenges. In that age group they usually have dependent children and although there is many more cases now of 50/50 care of them there is still the majority where one parent has them every second weekend. Those parents lose their full time parenthood, their spouse, their home, neighbours, often their township. How can you like yourself when you've experienced such loss in a short time?

The trouble is, as our champ Quirky pointed out recently, is that when this trauma hits you, some family and friends seem to go missing. We can excuse some people as they dont know how to support. But maybe its a case of "ignore it and it will go away".

For the above reason my circle of friends has become smaller as I've introduced my "fortress of survival". The thread of the same name on tis forum suggests a filtering of people in and out of our lives.We dont need people in our lives just because they are relatives or just because they have been around us for a long time...the question we should ask ourselves is " is this person compassionate, understanding, caring and compatible? Or is this person friends with me for other reasons like a source of information about other family members, is narcissistic and preys on you. Such people can drag you down and if you are the fragile type with low self esteem then you will struggle to like yourself.

The mentally unwell need every facet of their lives to be beneficial to them To draw the best out of themselves. Toxic people is the last type of person you need around you.

TonyWK

[Guest_1584]

Thanks very much tony and yeah l know. Thankfully ex and l made up our mind day one though to work together but know what it would all still mean for my d was heart wrenching. l moved nearby so d and l could come and go whenever we liked but filling in all the gaps so that growing up could still be as normal as possible for her just tore me up.

We were also doing 3 properties though , and ex just didn't have it in her to finish them off in this situation , and l didn't either on my own so we sold everything as was. But friends ha, well actually the 2 guys l could sort of call real friends were great only so much they could do though and neither had even been married . Family though ha, forget it. Huge family but yeah no where to be seen and the two l did lean on just threw it in my face yrs later anyway God lovem.

l'd love to have some real friends around but where l live now that just doesn't seem to want to happen, oh well. Thanks very much for the thread l'll go for a read.

rx

[Jack2021]

Hi Rx,

Thanks so much for the post, yes even though the reasons are different for the both of us, just like you, I'm certain my depression and anxiety doesn't really come from any "chemical imbalances in the brain" or any of that sort of stuff.
The reasons and triggers, I believe and I am certain of, long story short are just the fact that I've been working in bad jobs around nasty people for a long time, and that the last few were exceptionally bad and just "broke me" emotionally and mentally.
so I'm depressed because my career feels like crap...which in all honesty, It is...no glamour or glory in working in warehousing or factories, very very few good workplaces around sadly...but that's the way it is I guess...why I've decided to try go a career change as much as i can.....

I'm sorry to hear about your divorce, while I've never been in the situation, I can understand exactly the toll it takes on you when long term relationships come to an end...it's never easy, but I reckon you can turn a corner in life and in love also if you choose to of course, I'm trying to turn the corner but just never seeming to get there....

Quirky,

Thanks so much for the kind words of support...it really means a lot....I try the same usually, but for me I was pretty much in the middle of an anxiety attack/ depressive episode, so yeah....you're right though, depression is a liar at times, and it indeed is soooo hard to feel like myself when I'm stuck in the middle of it.

[Guest_1584]

Hi J and thanks for that . Yeah l could see in your post exactly where yours was coming from , it's actually 1 1/2 of mine too. l've been in my business 12 or so yrs l think but it's hard areas are getting pretty hard now and with depression and the losses through divorce, well. to get on my feet again, nother story.

Good news for you is courses and career changes are everywhere on offer now and for all ages, so hopefully you can find something else you'd enjoy and turn things around for yourself anyway eh.

Good luck with everything , rx.