Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[white knight]

Hi All,

Great responses. Quirky you used the word "gratitude". In fact it's one of many excellent words that we can embrace and allow them to echo in our minds as a way of being positive which leads to confidence and liking ourselves more.

Other words are
Appreciate
Accomplish
Achieved
Rebound
Try
Assist
Etc

Was on a forum recently. A Couple recently retired from work. With no superannuation they wondered how they could live happily financially. The responses were that they should get part time jobs to raise their income. My answer was to spend less.

Positivity is also used to find remedies to problems by thinking laterally.

It can be deeply satisfying. After a few years you'll only think positively. I must say that this frame of mind is the biggest reason I like myself.

TonyWK

[Jack2021]

Hiya ecomama 😊

Thanks for the welcome, and yes, seen so so many helpful suggestions and trains of thought and strategies and coping methods and pretty much everything really, as much as I have lived and am experiencing this life...not just life with mental health issues, but even life in general, being only 27 I still somehow feel new to this sometimes...even though so much of the time I feel negative and pessimistic ( the old saying "im too old for this stuff 😂😂) but yeah, many many people out there who know how to talk about it and cope with it and deal with it, and explain it, much much better than I can.

Mmm yeah life has been pretty tough for me recently, but just has been an ongoing metaphorical buildup of baggage, until I couldn't move or breathe amymore, just Soo sooo soooo many issues added up, sometimes I actually forget what it is that I'm stressing about for a few minutes, then it comes back and hits me like a ton of bricks...it's just rubbish..

Soooo sorry to hear about the accidents and the surgery and recovery...sounds like so so much to be dealing with, but so glad to hear you like yourself which is soooo good 😊

And also I agree that it sounds like you've handled it sooo well, no triggers, putting in the hard work, and having a great positive attitude, it's so great to hear 😊

I can relate sooo much to what you've said at the end too...knowing that more effort is needed to maintain your mental health, but at the same time, it's a freeing feeling putting in all the hard work, and self reflection and self discovery, and feeling like it is paying off, slowly but surely, it is a very good feeling indeed😊

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

Tony thanks for your thoughts. Yes there are other words and while I agree using those words helps I also feel that sometimes we may need to acknowledge our loss , our pain , our misfortune with out wallowing in it. I think, well I know I cant be positive and grateful all the time and I dont want to be full of self pity.

I think sometimes when people tell us we are lucky and we should be grateful and compare us to suffering of others, we know this already and it can make us feel more guilty/.

All I want is someone to acknowledge what I am going through and offer hope.

I like the part of me that is often hopeful.

Jack I agree there is much work I need to do on my mental health and have been doing it for many decades. As they say mental health is a journey not a destination.

Thanks Paul for this thread and everyone for reading and your contributions. This has been my go to post for quite a while.

[Moonstruck]

Quirky...something you said "all I want is for someone to acknowledge what I am going through" reminded me of a line from a movie In Her Shoes..with Toni Collette, Shirley macLaine, Cameron Diaz where Toni is in tears about finding her boyfriend with another girl etc) her friend agrees what an idiot he is, she's well rid of him, etc etc.

and Toni says through her tears "You don't have to tell me all that..I don't need to hear all that....I just wish you'd say "That really sucks and I'm real sorry that happened to you"......

z

[white knight]

Hi Quirky

We're on the same page really. However just a response to your comment-

"I think sometimes when people tell us we are lucky and we should be grateful and compare us to suffering of others, we know this already and it can make us feel more guilty/"

Some people don't realise it, in fact those that don't think about how others are doing it worse are some of the chronic negative thinkers. When we point it out to them they sometimes realise it and react accordingly to enrich their lives with a better frame of mind.

Those that feel guilty because they have effectively been pointed out "how lucky they are" have guilt as their own personal challenge. Such guilt is a serious problem to have and I'm lucky to have overcome such guilt years ago. I was actually told by a friend that my mind is full of guilt and to start looking at overcoming it. I did (Not saying everyone can).

The wonder of positive thinking is that you are t alight that you can overcome anything to "move mountains". At motivation speeches if you said "but it makes me feel guilty" then that would be looked upon as yet another version of thinking negatively.

Whilst positive thinking cannot overcome some things, experts ignore that so PT has the maximum impact for best results.

Beyondblue topic guilt the tormentor

A psychiatrist once gave me a computer program "mood gym". Next visit I told him I was too depressed to use it, to which he said "then you won't improve, your choice" then he stopped talking. I felt tremendous guilt. That was his intention. Guilt used as a tool.

TonyWK

[quirkywords]

Moon,

I remember that movie was Shirley Maclaine in it.

I think sometimes when giving support we give advice, they are only things, they were old and sick, You deserve better and are better off with out him, when all is sometimes need is a huig or simple I acknowledge your pain and loss.

Thanks Moon for your post and reminding me of that movie.

Tony, I suppose I am tlaking personally and I wnated people to acknowledge my oss, which I know could have been much worse, but just acknowledge it, dont tell me to be psoitive, dont tell me for grateful. I am not talking a year later I am talking 6 days up to a a few weeks after.

I wont go more off topic. For me when i feel am not listened to, it does affect how i see myself.

I know you have been through much in your life and now find the positive thinking really helps and I am so pleased it helps you.

[Jack2021]

Hiya quirky, 😊
my phone's web browser playing up a bit and not letting me see last pages, so I apologize if what I'm saying seems a bit out of context haha, but regardless, working on our mental health is something we all need to do and continue to do I guess, and I loved your saying

"As they say mental health is a journey not a destination"

I whole heartedly agree and could not agree more with this.... naively, towards the start of my serious mental health issues and when I first started counselling, I did so with the thinking and belief that I was going to reach some sort of imaginary destination of being "better" and "happy" and "healthy".....but then I slowly came to realise, while this isn't impossible, it isn't a destination...it's a never-ending journey we take on in our lives..we don't suddenly end up perfectly healthy, physically, mentally, and emotionally, and just stay there, it simply doesn't work that way.

One of the biggest gradual realisations for me was that mental health is and always will be an ongoing thing...that's not to say I will always be suffering, or that I will always be in a state of bad mental health, its simply put, that mental health is just as our physical health is...it needs work and commitment and healthy habits in order to get healthy and stay healthy.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is as well, that thinking of it as a journey (which I strongly believe it is) means there is no right and wrong...there are no mistakes, and there is no time limit, nor can there ever be...yes we can be mentally healthy in the moment or for a while, but then it's something we just keep working on to get better and better at...setbacks happen, triggers happen, bad days happen, but at the end of the day it's not necessarily a bad thing because it's just a part of our life long journey of our mental health...good,bad, and everything in between

[Guest_1584]

lt's weird , life's weird, for some and then so different for others.

Met someone last wk she's 54 and she says she just wants to be grateful and give back for the many gifts in her life . l'm thinking gees , gifts, really , how lucky are you l don't get too many gifts for sure l wonder what she has. But l then notice to that she's a very precise , fussy , smart, perfectionistic type person, every thing's all neat and perfectly in it's place. She'd decided yrs ago exactly what she wanted to do , trained for that and has had a well paid secure job she loves her whole working life. And she's bought her dream home, has gorgeous clothes , cars and money in the bank and built in pension, everything's steady and secure and a well oiled machine and has been a long long time. She eats something and the plate goes straight to the sink and cleaned, takes of her coat it's hung perfectly on the rack, nothing's a miss, anywhere, not a blade of grass, hair on her head or is one dollar out of place.

Guess that must be the recipe for a hassle free life and person eh.

rx

[white knight]

Hi Quirky

I never tell anyone to do anything. I produce options. The choice is theirs whether they act upon it. I'm also talking generally so you're best to take or leave my post comments depending on your personal circumstances.

I like myself much more than a decade or two ago. The process of putting positive motivation into my life was the reason. So to those that want to meet the challenge of more confidence then one of many ways to do that is a positive attitude.

Good luck to those who choose it.

TonyWK

[quirkywords]

Thanks Tony

i find your post very helpful.
I like the way you give a range of options and use personal experience.

cheers

Quirky