Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[Kris_G]

Hello everyone,

I don't like myself sometimes or part of myself. Sometimes I strongly dislike my life or part of my life. And everytime I have these feelings I get angry at myself. I say and think to myself 'you should not feel this way', 'you are better than this', 'don't be a loser', etc.

The trigger for these feelings can be from such small, irrelevant events in my life. A few weeks ago I reverse park my car and I didn't get it in the middle of the parking spot. The thoughts and feelings came 'what kind of a grown man can't reverse park perfectly', 'reverse parking perfectly is easy I should be able to do it', etc. My disgust with myself lasted for days. I practiced reverse parking and watched You Tube videos to show myself I can reverse park a car.

It feels good (a little embarassing) to be able to share that experience with people.

[white knight]

Hi Kris G

Guilt is a bad thing to have and will seriously dent your ability to like yourself.

I'm no psychologist but I should imagine excess criticism as a child (as in my case) can be the catalyst.

Google
Beyondblue topic guilt the tormentor

Stressing over issues that you have no control over is also a common problem. Allowing yourself to perform as a human being e.g. making mistakes like poor parking, is being kind to yourself, a regular comment made by our thread host Blondeguy.

Beyondblue topic worry worry worry

So, a bit if work in front of you Kris to get yourself back on track to a calmer life. It's worth the effort.

TonyWK

[Guest_1584]

l can understand though where your coming from Kris.

This last few yrs things , life things . just bigger things , relate to how l feel and my spirits. l hate being this way and l know l've clutched at it a lot through this thread and in life this last few yrs. Because l shouldn't need life all hunky dorey to feel good , and how often is life really like that anyway , not often in my world. And shouldn't need things , or stuff l'm doing to feel good , you can't always be just getting things , or doing things , most of life seems more about just getting through and doing your stuff to get through , anything else is only a tiny portion of it. l should be able to feel good anytime, not just at those kind of times . lt really shits me that l don't just enjoy what l have or just enjoy living , all of it - well most of it - any old time , not just at times like those .

rx

[ecomama]

Hey blondguy Paul, I just wanna give that gorgeous little 3yo YOU a HUGE hug and tell him he's going to grow up to be AMAZINGLY AWESOME!

Because you are! Look at YOU!
You make such a huge difference to countless people here Paul.

Thankyou so much for everything you do for every single one of us. Hugs!

Oh heavens Kris_G!
Please take it easy on yourself!

Sometimes we really are our own worst critics.
It does NOT fare well with us to continue this on... like would you say this to your own best friend? I strongly doubt it.

Please don't do this to your precious self. Hugs!

Hey Tony WK, loving the links you put up for us to search!
THANKYOU! Hugs just for good measure lol.

Hey rx, YOU TOO??

Gosh with ALL those canoeing skills and there's something to criticise still? 😉
Nope.

You're smashing this thing called life, regardless of what it throws at you to catch and sometimes handle like a hot potato lol.

I really like your style.

Love EM

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

kris , do you feel you have an inner critic who is ready to criticise you.

I wrote a thread about the inner critic and how to tame it.

I got the wrong bus one day and started to cry. I felt I was so silly not to get the right bus.

I thought I am an adult who can’t drive or even catch a bus. Then I realise thst all I have done is caught the wrong so I turn it into a funny andecote.

Have you tried to challenge your negative thoughts?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts honestly.

[blondguy]

Hi Everyone and thankyou for helping out with the discussion too 🙂

Hello Kris_G great to have you on the Beyond Blue forums...You are strong and there is no need to be embarrassed as I feel the same.....especially when I joined the forums...The forums are a safe and welcoming place where you can post whats on your mind

There is no judgment from the members/posters KrisG 🙂 You are always welcome on the forums!

Hey EM....thankyou so much for super hug for Paul in '63....You just made my day with your super complimentary post!

my kindest always

Paul

[Moonstruck]

Hello...just had to reply about your reverse parking...if it makes you feel better...I am in my 60s and have never reverse parked in my life..not once...

thank God when I got my licence on my 17th birthday the lovely cop was in a hurry and didn't ask me to..hasn't affected my life in the slightest...and Do I like myself? You bet...I'm terrific..I'm one of my favourite people! Glad to meet you .......x

[Guest_4593]

Day 5 sober. Don't know why. Lost empty .

[ecomama]

Hey Guest_4593, WOW! WHAT AN ACHIEVEMENT! Congratulations!

I AM SO impressed and proud of you!

It's okay!
It's completely normal to feel "empty inside" when we're giving up a "crutch" we've relied upon.
Being without this crutch (and all else it brought us) can leave a void in our lives, but only for "X long"....

..until we push into life and begin DOING and feeling all the things we WANT to do and feel.
Yep I think the doing comes before the feeling in these times.

Please practice some "radical self-care". This is kind of fancy to me lol! But after I CHOSE to just do it, things began to really shift even more in my life and in the lives of others around me too!

You're awesome Guest_4593.
More power to you!

Hey blondguy Paul, you know it lol!
We could start an entire thread praising you!

Just sayin'.

Hey Moon, LOVED what you said in your last post, too cute!

Gotta get to work now.
Have a GREAT day everyone!

Love EM

[quirkywords]

Moon,and everyone.

I wonder what my life would have been if I had passed my driving license in my late 20s.

The first thing the tester said I was the last car he had tested a person in was a BMW and mine was an old Datsun. my test went down hill from there and was failed on reverse parking.

I suppose one can’t live a live a life of what if’s. Would I like myself more if I had my lisence maybe as partners and family make me feel, or I let the make me feel , quite inadequate as I don’t drive .
Moon you would say you like yourself and it is not dependent on what skills you have.
On good days I agree but on days when my inability to drive causes problems, I do feel have let others down.

can anyone else relate. Can you separate liking yourself from the skills you don’t have..?