Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[blondguy]

Hey Hey EM...aka...The Bionic Woman!

Thankyou for providing your super TLC here and everywhere you post EM

Just a note on this thread topic....I wrote it as I have always had difficulty liking myself as I used to have low self worth....so good on you for liking yourself EM!

Just a note on profile pics....we used to have a choice to use our own pic in our profile picture....It wasnt a big deal with me so I used my own photo in 2016. I can see Beyond Blue's point with not allowing personal pics anymore and that fair enough too

I was brought up in Canada and the US...Your fiancé is spot on EM...You are a Bionic Woman ✔✔✔

All the best to the US

Paul

[quirkywords]

Is it possible to like yourself when your lack of domestic skills are often joked about..?

I join in the joke as I know that isn’t my forte but when it can be constant with some family members it can tire after a while.

I wonder what others do in a similar situation.?

[Elizabeth CP]

I am interested in others suggestions re people joking about your skills. I suspect many of us have been the butt of jokes about our skills, or lack of . Not just domestic skills. Can be ok at times but other times it just feeds into negative self talk.

I would like to discuss what liking oneself has to do with MH. I we can see the benefits that will be more motivating to change. Also what aspects of liking oneself is important.

If I like someone I feel comfortable with them and enjoy their company. Since we live with ourselves 24/7 bing comfortable with myself is essential for MH. Conversely if I dislike someone I avoid them. Not liking oneself leads to negative distracting behaviours including drug or alcohol to mask negative feelings or in my case being over busy trying to do things to 'prove' that I'm ok which doesn't workl.

If I like someone I treat them with respect and kindness doing things which I know will help them or make them happy. Doing the same to oneself surely will improve our MH.

I don't expect my friends to be perfect and don't try to force them to change to fit in with my idea of perfection so why should we do it to ourselves.

I focus on the things I appreciate with my friends and do things with them we both enjoy yet I am quick to remember everything i don't like about myself and ignore the positives which is not good for MH.

I am prepared to adapt to my friends needs. For example one friend is no longer able to do the things we used to enjoy because of health issues. I miss the fun we used to have but still enjoy visiting and talking together. when she wants to try doing something which is now difficult for her I an happy to support her. We would have better MH if we did the same to oneself and adapted to changed circumstances instead of just dwelling on what we ae missing.

Liking oneself does not mean thinking I'm better than anyone else. that is just being big headed. It is about accepting we are worthwhile as we are and supporting oneself to change if there is something you want to change.

I am interested in other's ideas of what liking oneself means for MH and idea to help us work towards that goal. For many of us that is a long journey but let us encourage each other along the way.

i

not just

[Ggrand]

Hello everyone....

Elizabeth...thank you, I liked what you said...Just my thoughts on liking ourselves...

Many people at times say that they hate themselves...What does that mean?....

I have at times said I hated myself...but deep down..it’s not me I hate..it’s my life...having no strength to stand up for me...my inability to talk freely face to face to people...not being able to walk on my own....These flaws are only a part of me....Then at the same time...I like myself..because I know I’m kind, patient, compassionate person and well....I like helping other people the best I can....

The things I don’t like about me....is my damaged mind....and the way it thinks...it’s not my soul...I like my soul and truely we are our soul...not our brain or thoughts...they are just a part of us...a part that can be retrained with some or lot of work....it’s do able especially if you have the want to change this part of you....and who doesn’t?...

Our soul is always caring for us...even if you think you hate yourself....We shower, we feed ourselves, we keep hydrated, we do our personal hygiene ie: brushing out teeth, combing our hair, washing our hands...

We are all kind, caring, compassionate, loving people in our soul...Please try hard to see yourself through your soul..and not through your thoughts...who you really are, we are our soul.....Maybe look into your soul and see the real you....Thoughts are just thoughts, they are not real..

People can hurt our soul...Wow and I’ve hurt so much..but it’s our thoughts that are hurting us...by believing what others say to us....Our soul is always the same, we are always us......but our thoughts are not....because our thoughts can be persuaded by others..we can change our thoughts at a drop of a hat....But we cannot change what’s inside of us, what we really are...and that’s our soul...

Kindest and most caring thoughts....beautiful people..

Grandy...

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Being the butt of jokes - I think oftentimes, people don't do it to be hurtful, and that's probably why we join in because we know that, but afterwards - it hurts. I find that especially when it relates to challenges resulting from the impacts of mental health issues. I find a vast array of things challenging, and I'm already aware that most people don't struggle with them, so to be laughed at for it, just adds another layer of stress. I think if it was the same thing, from the same people/person, I would say something gently so they'd know I was uncomfortable with it. But yeah, definitely doesn't make me feel good about myself. On the other hand, when someone recognises that something was hard for you, and you managed it, well that's an entirely wonderful feeling!

I absolutely agree with you, Grandy. It's my damaged mind, and the consequences of that, that I don't like. Very well said.

Agree with you also, Elizabeth, that we need to accept ourselves as worthwhile just as we are, even while we strive for change. Not easy, though.

Thanks everyone as ever, for your contributions to the discussion on this great thread.

[quirkywords]

Thanks for all the posts.

Grandy it is not my damaged mind that I don’t like but my mind that never stops thinking and my fragile emotions at times.

katy, I think in families , one person is the butt of jokes, so you just learn to live with it.

[Guest_4593]

Thanks em. Hope things get better soon ( for the whole world) im here to chat if everyone else needs too .im so much better dealing with other people's problems than thinking about mine ..xoxox

[blondguy]

Hello Quirky...ElizabethCP...Grandy....Katy...Guest_4593 and Sophie_M too

Just a part of my post to EM on Feb 7th re this thread topic and I hope people find it helpful

" I have always had difficulty liking myself due to to having low self worth....so good on you for liking yourself EM"

just incase anyone missed it above 🙂

my kindest

Paul

[ecomama]

Dear blondguy Paul, thankyou for your replies and the accolades lol. It's been a life long work accepting compliments, so thankyou.

I've been busting to ask you... You write about the level of liking yourself is due to "low self-worth"... you are worth SO MUCH to all of us here! I really hope you KNOW that for sure.
But is this self worth comment (or feeling) due to comparisons you make between you and others you've focussed on?
Childhood perhaps?

God Bless America, the situation is breaking my heart.

Hugs EM.

Quirky (Elizabeth CP), being the "butt of jokes" is cruel. Sure one time it might be funny but more than that I think is disgusting, bullying behaviour.
I copped that an awful lot in an evil marriage and others joined in with demon in doing so.
EVENTUALLY I just stepped aside and said "You do it better. Show me" with EVERYTHING.... then I would walk away and come back only to find THREE or more people struggling to do what ONE person IE ME, would do alone. The shock on their faces when I did this LOL!!

Some people are HORRIBLE but that doesn't mean you have to take it on. No way.

Imaginary middle finger to them quirky. Let them show you how THEY can do it better! Then leave them to it!
Time to be an UPstander for yourself.
They learn as long as YOU are consistent with your boundaries (unless they're extremely mentally unwell ofcourse).

Hugs EM.

Guest_4593, hugs to you too!
It's a HARD hard situation for so many of us with loved ones overseas.
I don't expect "things to get back to the way they were before", that helps me alot lol.
I just bring myself back to my own "circle of influence" and do what I can in the meantime.
I feel Blessed we have survived so far and Pray we find meaning and happiness in our everyday lives regardless.
EMxxxx

[blondguy]

Hey EM and everyone

Thankyou for your super kind post EM!...My self worth has been a pain in the rump since I was 3..I joined the forums 5 years ago to 'give back' after working in senior corporate roles for a long time

Thankyou for all the support you provide to so many EM