Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[blondguy]

Hi Birdy77 and ElizabethCP

Thankyou for mentioning the reality of having any type of illness and liking ourselves at the same time

my kindest always...Paul

[MangoTime]

no, i really really don’t.

i dislike everything about me, from what i look like to how my brain works. i walk past a mirror and i can’t escape the thoughts that haunt me. people say i’m perfect but i’m really not. social media was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. it changes my view of what i should look like and it changes everyone’s else’s views on what girls should look like. i hate how my brain thinks something bad is going to happen. i’m sick and exhausted on hating myself. it makes you so tired but i can’t sleep. i feel like i’m letting people down. i’m so sure i’m a disappointment and i feel like i’m a failure. i’m so cautious and i don’t like it when people get close. i really wish i wasn’t like this. i waist i wasn’t too afraid to take my socks off even. ughhh!

so no.. i don’t like myself at all

[Doolhof]

Hi Mango Time,

Welcome to the community here on the forum. It really does sound like you are struggling at present.

Social Media, television, magazines and so much in society can contribute to how we feel about ourselves. I remember Googling once something like "What is classed as being attractive in different parts of the world". It was interesting to see the results. In one place they liked dark coloured teeth!

Are there qualities of your character that you do like? I know people can be attracted by a person's looks, but deep down, is that person kind, caring and understanding?

When you look in a mirror, can you give yourself a positive comment, an affirmation that you are okay just the way you are. Later on, you may be able to tell yourself how special you are, that you are beautiful and you can like yourself.

I don't like showing my bare feet as I feel I have terrible looking feet! I do appreciate having feet though as I enjoy walking.

Thanks for sharing and I do hope you stick around.

Cheers from Dools

[Birdy77]

Dear MangoTime,


It sounds like things are really hard for you right now, and i can very much relate.


I know the topic of this thread asks: Do You Like Yourself? - and you have answered really honestly and authentically and thank you so much for sharing your feelings and thoughts.


I personally find the question of whether we "like ourselves" to be another manifestiation of judgement, which i (personally) don't find helpful for my mind (this is just my experience and my feelings).


Rather than asking myself whether i "like" myself, i find it more helpful to focus on whether i have compassion for myself. Including having compassion for the feelings of shame or dislike i might feel towards myself or my life at any time.


For me, it shifts the focus from judgement (liking/disliking myself), to something much more constructive (in my opinion), which is: relating to myself with kindness, empathy and gentle understanding.


I hope you are ok, and can hold yourself in a space of care today.


If not, take our hands and we will hold that space for you.


Sending caring thoughts.

[quirkywords]

Mango time

i too welcome you.

I see you as honest, self aware, and insightful.

It takes a strong person to examine themselves.

[blondguy]

Hi Mango Time...and thankyou Dools...Birdy77 and Quirky for your super helpful support

Great to have you on the forums! I wrote this thread topic a while ago as I still have some difficulty liking myself as well. You speak from the heart...and that is a quality that shows. I do understand how you feel and yes it can be a pain. I hear you loud and clear Mango

my kind thoughts

Paul

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

I don't like my inability to regulate my emotions. I can go from ok to not ok in a finger snap, and have difficulty finding my way back to stability. This rollercoaster isn't fun...

[quirkywords]

Hello all

Katyonthehamsterwheel I can relate to you post. I find it to regulate my emotions when people say things that I see as upsetting even if I ration,isle thst they were just giving an opinion. One minute I feel confident the next I feel upset. I don’t like that as an adult I am so sensitive. I am gradually limiting the time I can be upset for. I may say 5 minutes and go for a short walk if possible. Katy it is hard and exhausting but worth it.

[TheBigBlue]

I made a connection last night.

I had to see the endocrinologist yesterday for my 3 monthly check up ( type 1 diabetes & Hashimoto’s disease). As usual, I dread my A1c blood result. Even though I use a pump & continuous glucose monitor I still dread getting this number.

Anyway, I got an excellent result, dr was happy with all aspects of my care. In fact she said I was “perfect patient” so I must be doing ok.

But I found it hard to accept her praise & didn’t really feel like I deserved it. She even said to me “she wished I could see the person in front of her that she saw”.

It wasn’t until the middle of last night when I was thinking about stuff when I should be sleeping that I realised something. My ENTIRE life I have judged my worth on how well (or badly) I have taken care of my diabetes management.

So the slightest not perfect blood test, or misjudgment of counting carbs in my meal & I am hating on myself. If my graph doesn’t show me inside my target range for a minimum of 90% I am frustrated.

I don’t know how this got so jumbled up in my head ie my worth is dependant on my chronic illness care. But it’s kind of fascinating at the same time.

I messaged my psychologist to tell her & she replied saying “good to see you’ve noticed this yourself”so is now on our to do list to discuss next appointment. This in turn makes me wonder, had she already seen the connection? Have I wasted 35 years of my life living like this? How do I separate my diabetes care from my self worth??? Good luck working this one out psychologist 🤣🤣

[clown_of_mine]

This is a cracker of a question I would have to say yes and no , but I am comfortable with myself , like old luggage and I know that even if I loose control I Will Do No Harm. So I'm likeable just like you are !!!!!!!!!