Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[Guest_1643]

Hey Moonstruck

I've been suicidal

I've suffered abuse

I have no family and am alone without any friends.
So I struggle to like myself.

[Guest_1643]

Hi moonstruck, i'm sorry I find it hard to answer and to explain this in a way that will make sense as it is a very sensitive topic particularly as sometimes not liking oneself, as it did for me, can lead to harming oneself.
So it is a real thing that I struggle with and quite serious. It is also potentially a part of my illness.

[Guest_1643]

Hi SW 🙂

i feel the same that although I may have moments of liking aspects of myself

i exaggurate the negatives I have which make me feel that the overall picture is slanted to a negative - that I don't like myself.

That said I am able to acknowedge small things I like about myself, but seem to give them more worth and value - and then will sort of discount them to say they don't weigh as much as the negatives...

Eg sure I like my kindness and patience, however I am also very bad at this and this.... so the kindness and patience seem valueless as it's so bad that I lack the skills of xyz. This is distorted and not true, but this is sometimes how it feels inside me, so that I would struggle to simply answer the question - YES, I do like myself.

[white knight]

Hi Sleepy

You said

"I've been suicidal

I've suffered abuse

I have no family and am alone without any friends.
So I struggle to like myself"

So I mentioned using logic rather than emotions recently.

You've suffered abuse. It's not logical to dislike yourself for being a victim of any abuse.

You've been suicidal. That is a state of mind (sadly) from forces that has affected you so badly that you don't like yourself as you feel you've failed in defending yourself from that rocky road. It can't be someone's fault if they are absent of some qualities that prevent such suicidal tendencies. E.g. I've never been arm Olympian...how can I like myself if I fail like that. Fact is you need the genes for that field of athletics in the first place.

No friends or family. This is also not a reason to dislike yourself. Family can be toxic to some members of it. In some cases you could be toxic to them. Who's right? Who's to blame?... nobody, it's called "life".

Gaining friends is achievable through common ways but takes patience and determination. Action speaks volumes with that. I know a computer game fanatic that claims he has no friends. He spends 8 hours a day on the computer. Easy to see why.

TonyWK

[Guest_1643]

Hey Tony - thank u so much

I used to have many friends but lost them when I left my community/group/family to start over and get better support and not be in touch with my family. I understand ur comments about the video games. It is hard to make friends but not impossible, with persisted efforts and with a warm heart. Also once u leave abuse I feel I have grown in being an availabel friend because I have more stability and calm. Thank u for invoking logical which is very helpful with the distorted thinking that comes with MH struggle

[quirkywords]

smallwolf

i have done all but one of your list of things that can get in the way of liking oneself. The one I have not done ever is perfectionism.

One I can add to the list is exaggeration of any negative feedback.

sleepy I too exaggerate the negatives and when one is in a low mood all negatives are exaggerated. I think it is helpful you are aware of this.

Tony I like your post of logically examining statements that are made about selves, as Sleepy has done. I found it very helpful.

Not_batman I agree that the inner critic takes pleasure in going through those 5 points and tries hard to make us feel worse about ourselves.

I have found the variety of posts in past few days very informative, touching and helpful.
I find it interesting that we are all react differently to the question Do you like Yourself ?

If someone answers yes emphatically they find it hard to understand why others don’t and it doesn’t make sense. Those of us who struggle a lot or a little it is very real and makes sense.
I like quite a bit about myself and an am learning when people whose opinions I value are critical, to examine whether it is useful or harmful feedback I AMA work in progress.

[white knight]

Thanks Quirky and Sleepy

Just acknowledging concept, ideas and different angles can allow us to move forward.

:)
TonyWK

[TheBigBlue]

Some good news to share today, I have discovered some things I like about myself!

The whole family couldn’t all get together on Christmas Day, so today just my immediate family, partners & kids got together for a late Xmas celebration. We still put gifts under the tree, pulled bones ons & wore the hats etc.

But I discovered I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE spoiling my 2 nieces. I did spend ages selecting & purchasing their Christmas gifts & to see their excitement at getting more gifts today was super special. Then I played games with the kids, sang Christmas carols & actually had a really enjoyable day.

The other thing which I realised a few weeks back, but realised it again today, is that I do get a kick out of sharing my embarrassing stories & having the ability to laugh at myself. I was mucking around with my niece today, she was “playing” on her keyboard, I was singing into the microphone & it wasn’t until right at the end that I noticed my sis was filming. We all burst out laughing that I got busted & the video has since been shared with all the family 🤣

Prior to Christmas, I spent AGES scrubbing our sliding doors trying to get mud off from the dog jumping at the door. I was getting frustrated that I just couldn’t seem to make any improvement in removing the dried mud.
Then I started cleaning the doors/windows from the inside & the mud came right off. Yep, the mud was on the inside not the outside of the door! But I found myself cracking up laughing & wanting to share this with my partner so we could laugh at my stupidity together.

I feel shame, embarrassment, anxiety etc over a LOT of things in my life, but I’m pretty chuffed I have the ability to laugh at myself when things don’t go quite o plan. I think this is a good quality to have, our family always has so much fun together

[missep123]

Hi TheBigBlue!

I am so glad that you have discovered something that you love doing! I think it's a great quality to be able to laugh at ourselves and it makes us more relatable too!

Thank you everyone for your replies on my post as well, I realised that I do want to have the automatic answer of 'yes!' to the question ' do you like yourself'. It's definitely something I want to work on! I think sometimes I think too much!

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Have to agree smallwolf. It's not quite as simple as just employing logic, when you have entrenched certain patterns of thinking.

Not that I'm discounting logic. Just wish it were easier...

Best wishes to all trying to like themselves, in a world where that's not always easy. May 2021 see us all make progress xo