Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[blondguy]

Hi Starwolf, You can butt in whenever you wish and thanks for taking the time to provide sound counsel to so many. If I may quote just a piece of your post in case anyone has missed it;

Starwolf said "The fact that you're all here at BB shows how hard you are working at
rising above those challenging circumstances, the depths of which others can't begin to fathom"

You are a gift to so many Starwolf and thankyou, Paul x

[Just Sara]

Hey everyone...

I've dragged this one up from the archives as Xmas is a time of introspection and perspective.

Self love is a worthy subject indeed. At this time of year, loss and gratitude are high on our lists. With it comes sadness and grief, joy and laughter, and the ever present connection to others and ourselves.

Loving ourselves, especially when we feel more lonely than at other times, can ease a turbulent season.

Sara xoxo

[blondguy]

Hey Sara

Thanks for the great comment about caring for ourselves can ease a turbulent season.....

Its just a way we 'tag' the word love....Somehow I just find it easier to be 'kind' to myself instead of 'loving' myself

Great to have your take on this thread Sara and bless your heart. Paul xo

[Just Sara]

You're welcome Paul;

Whatever the interpretation, love is kindness, gentleness, strength, respect, forgiveness and non judgemental.

I think the word love is confusing, so whatever we choose to use, giving these things to ourselves is worthy.

You often use the terms 'gentle' and 'kind', it got me thru some bad times in the past, so thankyou.

Sara xo

[girl_interrupted]

This is a great post. Some really insightful and heartfelt comments. I can relate to a few of you, especially what CMF said. I really despise who I've become and I'm not sure how to get back to that place where I feel good about who I am and my life purpose. "Be gentle with yourself" is something that resonates with me, though I can't say I've been able to practice it all that effectively. I liked Cleanse's suggestion of self "acceptance" and "maintenance". It's so simple and yet so hard to do. For me, I think gratitude is at the very core. As well as acceptance, I need to learn to be grateful for the things I have, rather than whinge and compare myself to others and the things I don't have. When you take love, relationships and friendships out of the equation there isn't much left, but there's always something to be grateful for. The serenity prayer (tho maybe a bit cliche) still resonates with me:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

the courage to change the things I can

and the wisdom to know the difference

[Just Sara]

Hi Girl Interrupted!

The Serenity Prayer is an absolute GIFT!! It got me thru some pretty confusing and distraught times. It still sits in pride of place on my fridge.

Power and control are common issues for this forum. Fear is after all the opposite of love. It rules until we decide to change and accept trying to control others is futile. (As you say)

I spoke with my son about anger this morning; he went home and msg'd me back asking questions. I was over the moon he asked for one, but more-so he's 'thinking' about himself instead of blaming others for 'making' him angry.

I'd like to think love is a feeling of peace or happiness in the moment. You know, those moods when we feel we're on top of things or the kids are all in bed, the lights are low and 'our' type of music is playing. We let those moments pass without acknowledging how beautiful they are, and continue to want it all at once.

It's just a moment in time, that's all it takes. To accept we're perfect even for a few seconds...warts and all.

Lovely to hear from you GI;

Sara xo

[blondguy]

Hey girl_interrupted and thanks for your post too 🙂

The serenity prayer is not cliched at all. Thats a good one...very effective

I just find that not 'striving' as much as we used to can be of enormous help. The higher our expectations the further we have to fall. We have so much to gain by 'letting go' of the reins.

(thankyou heaps for input and counsel on this thread topic Sara Conner)

my kind thoughts

Paul

[Guest_322]

Hi,

Interesting thread. Thank you Paul!

Um...I guess I feel almost indifferent about myself (?) I mean, I don't exactly love myself but I certainly don't hate myself either. So yeah...I kind of feel neutral towards and about myself.

Dottie x

[Just Sara]

Hey D-Girl!

There's so much to love in you young'n! So much...

If you took the complements I've given you, and stood in front of a mirror saying them to yourself, how would you feel? Would you believe your words? Be embarrassed? Do you believe mine? What about the beautiful things you've said to me? How would you feel if I brushed them off as just being 'kind'?

Food for thought...

Paul...you're so welcome! This subject is of great importance to our recovery. Acknowledging our positive points is a form of self love. For some reason people on here don't want to use this term because it conjure's up stigmatised theories of selfishness or being conceited.

Self promotion and self acceptance is self love, but thru past experience, we've learned it can be threatening to do so. If I said to you; "You're so masculine", your response might be humble. But if I said; "I don't see your feminine side", you might feel defensive or lacking.

When we speak in negative terms, which is how we tend to self talk in our heads, it has the same affect...just like a parent wielding a stick.

Old school fear and belittling used as tools of training; "If I force my son to acknowledge how small he is, he might be prompted to try and become bigger" We're having to undo this stupid 'conditioning' in our recovery.

Anyway, that's my rant for the day...

Being kind and gentle...Sara xo

[blondguy]

Thanks GI, Dottie and Sara 🙂 Its great to have your take on this thread. It may be a 'vague' topic but the thrust of why I wrote this thread is for people to take themselves less seriously, especially in times of low self worth...

Here is a partial screengrab of my initial post for any new readers;

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?

• I dont deserve to love myself

• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?

• I am depressed...How can I love myself?

• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?

• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?

• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'
  
  I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve whilst having depression/anxiety

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Happy Christmas Everybody

Paulx