Sounds basic but I hope my comments here dont step on any feelings. The objective is to help and honesty should not be compromised.
Severe mental illness can be so debilitating that the sufferer needs 100% care from their partner often at times to the point whereby the ill can resemble an emotional "sponge". Absorbing every comment their ears come across. Being sensitive to every comment and often they are 100% absorbed within themselves ...to just survive, just to keep living. What effect must this have on their partner?
Family and friends not living with the ill have constant respite. They can even distance themselves at will. IF they are not feeling 100% themselves then they can cut contact for a few days and "go shopping" ? They have the choice of space. Not so the partner. I can picture it now. The partner leaves in the morning for work at 7am, trundles through bus and trains to the city to work in a big city office, tolerates all the gossip and infighting there then trundles home again. Finally gets home at 7pm knowing all along his battles for the day are only just beginning. He/she walks in the door, no hug, he/she asks how was your day and is met with glassy eyes and no reply. Finally after making a drink his/her partner finally talks and out comes the same comments about the past that the worker has heard all too often before.
It's a sad story and many carers/partners endure this sad sad life. Of course I am not levelling fault here in any way. That is what is sad about it....there is no fault !!.
In the case above let us presume you are the one with the depressive illness. What to do to avoid a very unhappy partner that ultimately is caring for you every day? They need care to. They need you.
Here are my suggestions (easiest to most difficult) for you to try with all your might, to implement on a regular daily practice:
1/ Greet. If you can walk to the toilet when in need then you can walk to the door to greet your partner. You dont have to talk, just hug.
2/ Ask how was their day? For that one answer focus and listen.
3/ When your partner asks you how you are going be honest and clear. If you are consumed by the past or your hurt that he/she has heard so many times before then a comment like "I went back there again today so am not feeling ok" is better.
4/ Plan a small evening event. eg Ask your partner what TV show they would like to watch
Providing as normal a home life as possible can be your greatest gift to your carer helping them to keep caring
