Be Yourself but who am I?

[quirkywords]

I have often been told to just be myself but then I am encouraged to be softer, think less, eat less, worry less, relax more , exercise more, be more confident, less timid, less cautious, more adventurous,less selfish, stop being a people pleaser, be happier, be kinder , ask less questions and the list goes on.

I find this confusing if I am to be myself why must I change?

The other problem is who am I, which self should I be: the introvert, the extrovert, the cautious, the risk-taker, the overthinker, the fast talker, the quiet one, the indecisive one, the spontaneous one, the carefree one, the worried one, the selfish one, the altruistic one, and much more.

Thse two words be yourself seem so easy for many people but not for me as it fills me with many questions.

I will limit myself to two questions .

Can you be yourself without changing?

Is it possible to change/improve a part of yourself and still be yourself?

Quirky

[Elizabeth CP]

I really agree with the comments I don't have to be happy with every situation and I'm allowed to express how things make me feel. I need to try and let go of things I can't control.

When others act as if everything is fine it makes me feel worse as if I'm not coping when I should. Having others admit they're struggling helps me feel it is OK to not be managing & opens up communication to learn from each other.

I also learnt __-Still learning to do it. That it is important to enjoy the journey not just the goal. By this I mean I need to take time to notice things about what I'm doing that is enjoyable or take time to feel satisfied with the progress or effort I've made even if it is less than I wanted rather than just worrying about getting finished.

My psych often uses the phrase-Make the best guess

This is important at the moment when we are confronted with thing we are unsure about. We can't know for certain what is best for us to do. We need to Make the best guess and then do it hoping it is right. If it works great. If not you've learnt something so make another attempt to do it differently. Wasting too much time trying to get thingsperfect first off is counterproductive.

[quirkywords]

. That it is important to enjoy the journey not just the goal. By this I mean I need to take time to notice things about what I'm doing that is enjoyable or take time to feel satisfied with the progress or effort I've made even if it is less than I wanted rather than just worrying about getting finished.

Elizabeth this is so true. Thanks for your post

I like making the best guess too, as I find it hard to make decisions and I get flustered.

[quirkywords]

Hello all

how are you finding getting out of isolation ,Has it changed you in anyway?

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone reading and thinking.

I am trying to cope with something that seem easy but it is hard as it means so much ,

My last fax return fir my business is proving emotional as it will be last the end of over a decade ,

Now I have lost the identity as bookseller and I am for I am forcibly retired, I feel so lost.

.How do people cope with a big change in how you see yourself.

quirky

[Elizabeth CP]

I think your reaction is normal. I stopped work several years ago because of my husband's situation but still miss that opportunity to feel I'm contributing by using my training to help others. Knowing logically it was the right thing to do doesn't stop the feeling of loss.

I try to think of the people I helped while I worked Noone can take that away from me so I try to remind myself that I used my talents as best as I could while able. My talents are still there so I can use them in other ways helping family & friends.

In your case you brightened up many lives sharing your love of books with others by helping them purchase a book they would love. Your knowledge & love of books is still there to share with others so the essential part of your identity is still there just shown differently. . As for the tax form don't rush or beat yourself up about it. Perhaps do it in chunks of time allowing yourself to do something enjoyable as a break.

[quirkywords]

Thanks Elizabeth,

your worscmakeca loynof sense and will me and others reading,

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone and especially new people reading for first time

I wonder if people are wondering who they are as they change during self isolation.

Do you find qualities that you like and dont like.

Or have there been no changes. ?

[Elizabeth CP]

I don't like the person I'm becoming. Because I don't see anyone there is no point in dressing nicely there is no point to pushing myself to do things

[Bin_There]

Hi Quirky,

Great questions. I have wrestled with these myself. I will start by saying that change is inevitable. It is the way of the natural world and the universe. If we resist change, we are fighting an unwinnable battle. Life is hard enough without taking such battles on! What we humans are better at than any other species is adaptation, so take heart in that at least. You will always be "yourself", no matter how you decide to adapt to change. The only question is, do you want "yourself" to be a person who defines and follows their own path, or unquestioningly follows "the herd". I suspect from your question, that the former is true. So the first step for you is to look within and define your values. Our conscious minds can confuse us, especially for those of us who are complex thinkers! This is where it helps to connect with your heart, also known as your instincts. For me, I retreat to the simplicity of nature to connect with this side of myself. What are your non-negotiables? What values would you never compromise on, regardless of the changing world around you. These become your bedrock. Anything else is up for negotiation depending upon the demands of adaptability to change. This should give you some confidence moving forward. You have the peace of mind that whatever happens around you, you can adapt to the demands of change, whilst staying true to yourself.

Good luck on your journey.

[quirkywords]

Bin there .,

welcome to this thread and the forum.

Thanks for writing a thoughtful post sharing your exoeriences with others,

elizabeth,I think we all stay in out pyjamas longer or wear track pants all day ,