Be Yourself but who am I?

[quirkywords]

I have often been told to just be myself but then I am encouraged to be softer, think less, eat less, worry less, relax more , exercise more, be more confident, less timid, less cautious, more adventurous,less selfish, stop being a people pleaser, be happier, be kinder , ask less questions and the list goes on.

I find this confusing if I am to be myself why must I change?

The other problem is who am I, which self should I be: the introvert, the extrovert, the cautious, the risk-taker, the overthinker, the fast talker, the quiet one, the indecisive one, the spontaneous one, the carefree one, the worried one, the selfish one, the altruistic one, and much more.

Thse two words be yourself seem so easy for many people but not for me as it fills me with many questions.

I will limit myself to two questions .

Can you be yourself without changing?

Is it possible to change/improve a part of yourself and still be yourself?

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

CMF I can feel your confusion . Do you think the isolation has made things worse or have you been feeling like this from before the virus.

Things are changing all time and can make us feel of self doubt.

Maybe you are meant to be wherever you are caring for your children .

Sometimes looking for a meaning can just make us feel disappointed.

Feeling empty is such an uncomfortable feeling, I hope it changes soon.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

I notice many people are impatient and agry with covid restrictions and have found isolation and working from home hard. Also people who are out of work , people who have lost their houses through droughtbushfires and floods are also struggling.

What have you learnt from this year about yourself?

I have learnt it is ok not to be ok and trust myself that it is ok to struggle at times

[CMF]

Hi Quirky,

You've endured so much yet you are here supporting myself and others. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤

I've learnt about myself that my feelings are valid and I'm allowed to express them without feeling bad for being honest, especially if it's upsetting me. I'm allowed to want boundaries, privacy,uninterrupted time with my partner. I am allowed to falter at times, have a melt down when things are too much. I'm allowed to have 'Me' time,I'm allowed to cry and feel upset because my feelings are real to me.

Cmf x

[Doolhof]

Hi Quirky,

I resonate what CMF has mentioned. You have been to hell and back and here you are helping and supporting us on the forum.

I'm still learning about myself. I think I'm a little stuck right now and am pleased I am open to learning.

I'm hoping that my mind will finally recognise, understand and comprehend that suicide is not the answer so it doesn't have to bombard me with those thoughts when ever life feels horrid.

On a brighter note, I am learning to make life at home work better for me.

Cheers all from Dools

[Elizabeth CP]

Last week when restrictions were eased I visited my son's family at his home. We had desert my DIL cooked and played a couple of games with the grandkids before they went to bed. We then spoke for a little while before returning home. A very simple evening out with family. Nothing spectacular!! But the effect was. I noticed I felt relaxed and comfortable. I came home and went to bed and slept better than I have for months.

Speaking with my psych about this he encouraged me to identify what made it affect me like this and use this reflection to work out what I can do in the future to help myself.

We have all been very restricted for months now and missed many of our normal activities. This seems to help focus our mind so we really notice even the simple things which have a positive impact on our wellbeing. Perhaps this is a chance for us to take time to reflect on things we do or experience which lead to a positive or negative impact on our wellbeing. This should help us know what things to seek after in the future and what to avoid. An example of a negative experience for me was mothers day. My son arranged an online meeting for the family. While it was nice in theory seeing all my kids and grandkids seeing then online with the screen flicking between groups felt very awkward and made me miss normal family gatherings even more. Reflecting on this I learn that online meetings don't suit me. If I do them again with my family it will be purely to let them kow I care about them but I won't expect to get anything else out of it for me. I realise that I am better speaking one on one with someone rather than group conversations whether online or in person. To be myself I need to use what I learn about myself from these reflections to ensure I do things which help me eg spending time with individual family members rather than large gatherings. I need to allow myself time to enjoy simple things with my children or grandchildren rather than seeking after something special!!Each of us can use this time to reflect on what helps us as individuals and what doesn't so we can move forward to be ourselves in our new normal.

[quirkywords]

Thanks CMF, dools and Elizabeth,and all those reading

MF and Dools honestly I get more than I give. being able to some here and listen to others has really helped me. Sure this year has been a struggle for us all but these forums are a lifeline.

CMF like you I have earnt my feelings are valid and so are others that I may disagree with.You help othersin your thread by being so honest and insightful.

Mrs Dool your threads help so many by you being real and honest.I think your willingness to share your despair but the open to try things that may help. This gives us hope.

Elizabeth I like your story of a night with your son and family and how special we now find these everyday

events.

I think we may learn things that may not be positive. I know I can be impatient and stubborn.

[demonblaster]

Dear Quirky and everyone hi ☺

Lovey I wasn't sure where to support you so commented on Grandys thread a while back to you with the same sentiments now here hun.

I'm deeply sorry for your pain and loss in the bushfires and now with Covid restricting movement.

I have so much respect for the wonderful kind hearted CC's who give there time steadily and seem to have a knack at saying and expressing so well with people.

Agreed with CMF hi there and hi to Elizabeth too ☺ you're a very kind good person Quirky.

I hope the your MH allows you to see what a special caring soul you are.

It's always a pleasure reading your posts to people and myself.

Wishing you every bit of luck and peace to be found in the future.

I hope you're managing as well as can be and that your mh isn't slamming too hard.

Thank you for you and what you do dear lady 😊🤗 can't remember if you're a hugger.

Best to all ⚘🕊

[quirkywords]

DB

Thanks for your kind words . Most people on the forum support and help others despite having their own struggles.

I feel this year has been a steep learning curve and I have fallen off but then climbed back on.

What have people learned from this year?

[CMF]

I've learnt that even if we don't like/want to do something,at times on we n we need to so everyone can enjoy the benefits e.g. obey lockdown rules so we can all get out.

I don't have to be happy with every situation and I'm allowed to express how things make me feel.

I need to try and let go of things I can't control.

Manifest. Put it out into the universe.

[quirkywords]

Hello all

Thanks CMF for writing this

.I don't have to be happy with every situation and I'm allowed to express how things make me feel.

I need to try and let go of things I can't control.

These are lessons we need to understand . I think when bad things happen we can feel we have lost control of our lives and that can be scary,