Be Yourself but who am I?

[quirkywords]

I have often been told to just be myself but then I am encouraged to be softer, think less, eat less, worry less, relax more , exercise more, be more confident, less timid, less cautious, more adventurous,less selfish, stop being a people pleaser, be happier, be kinder , ask less questions and the list goes on.

I find this confusing if I am to be myself why must I change?

The other problem is who am I, which self should I be: the introvert, the extrovert, the cautious, the risk-taker, the overthinker, the fast talker, the quiet one, the indecisive one, the spontaneous one, the carefree one, the worried one, the selfish one, the altruistic one, and much more.

Thse two words be yourself seem so easy for many people but not for me as it fills me with many questions.

I will limit myself to two questions .

Can you be yourself without changing?

Is it possible to change/improve a part of yourself and still be yourself?

Quirky

[Moonstruck]

Oh...I forgot to say thank you for "liking me the way I am"..that's very kind of you.

actually I like me this way too...I think I'm terrific just the way I am..hahahah

[sparrowhawk]

This is such a heartwarming thread -- thank you.

I have been told to just be myself. But who am I? I don't know anymore. I've spent a huge part of my life trying to be what others want or tell me to be because I felt so unloved and inadequate and thought pleasing others was a way to get love. This has made me not only very unaware of myself and very reluctant to express my own wants/needs or even to direct myself, but it has also made me feel very, very bad about myself when I can't fulfil expectations (either real or perceived). Further, I tend not to believe compliments and feel really uncomfortable when complimented or praised. Coming out of a relationship of bullying, I think my sense of self-disappointment and self-frustration is heightened because I never knew where I stood with this person and they were more likely to criticise me than to give me some encouragement. And when I was corrected, the correction went on and on and was more of a personal attack rather than a reflection on behaviour. I always felt like I was doing the wrong thing. I'm not necessarily expecting a reply to all that but it feels good to vent here.

Moonstruck, you are terrific. Go you!

[quirkywords]

Greetings all

Sparrowhawk, welcome to this thread.

Bullying is something that makes us hard to like and respect out selves. I found for myself long time after the bullying has gone, my inner critic would start bullying me so I was worse to myself than the bully.

I started to believe that I was worthless etc until I thought the bully would no longer have any power over me.

I know I am sensitive maybe too much at times, but I am kind and caring and I am messy etc etc and this is who I am.

Sparrow from reading your posts on other threads you have an insight into your behaviour and emotions and that is a great talent.

Moon, I feel I am ok the way I am, so why do people feel they have to say relax or breathe, I would never say that to another human, I accept people the way they are but people feel they need to change me.

Quirky

[sparrowhawk]

Quirky, oh man, you just put in words exactly what I am feeling. I don't respect myself at all. Pretty sure I even set out to sabotage myself sometimes. My inner critic is probably worse than the bully was.

How did you get to that point of thinking that the bully would have no power over you? I have limited contact with the person who bullied me, but even just thinking about seeing them makes me very anxious so I think they do still have some power even if they're not aware of it.

You are a great person. Thanks for your kind words.

[quirkywords]

hello everyone,

Thanks sparrow hawk.

Inthink you have to decide they won’t have power, the bullies,. You need to challenge their power of you and have faith in your self. You are stronger and braver than you think.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Greetings everyone and new posters most welcome,

I keep coming back to the title be yourself who am I?

Some days I feel on track and feel confident and Inknow who I am yet a lot if the time I can feel,lost in a series of tangled thoughts.

So a questions

What do you feel gives you confidence to be who you and to get rid of self doubt?q

Quirky

[Moonstruck]

To do the thing I am good at...perhaps I am lucky in that there is something I excel at and discovered this at an early age.

If you can find a particular skill that you know 100% you can do well.....then doing it as often as possible works wonders for me.

Is there something you know you are good at Quirky?

[quirkywords]

Moon,

To be honest I don't excel at anything , but can do a few things in an average way.

I don't sing, dance or do anything physical, I am not mathematical, or scientific, or can paint or draw etc.

Surely to be myself is to recognise my limitations. I like to write but so do many others and they are far more skilled than me.

What is wrong with being average and adequate.

I think that is my point why to be myself must I be good at something, that is not me.

I am being realistic and not being humble.

Quirky

[Moonstruck]

You may have misunderstood me dear Quirky...of course you don't have to be good at anything...you did pose the question in your last post " what do you feel gives you confidence to be who you are and get rid of self doubts?".

.and in answer to your question, that is what I do...that thing I am good at....(the rest of the time I am terrified of everyday trivial things remember.?

.i.e. going to an unfamiliar petrol station, making phone calls and appointments, where to park the car and the new car wash!!) I wish I could do those things in an average way, instead I try and avoid them because they scare me.. whereas to other folk, they post no challenge at all.....we are very complicated creatures, we humans! x

[quirkywords]

Sorry moon,

I sometimes go around in circles. I knew you were answering my question but for me trying to be good at something just makes me frustrated. I think when I feel my words have helped someone that gives me confidence.

thanks for contributing to this thread and to the forum in general.

Quirky