Be Yourself but who am I?

[quirkywords]

I have often been told to just be myself but then I am encouraged to be softer, think less, eat less, worry less, relax more , exercise more, be more confident, less timid, less cautious, more adventurous,less selfish, stop being a people pleaser, be happier, be kinder , ask less questions and the list goes on.

I find this confusing if I am to be myself why must I change?

The other problem is who am I, which self should I be: the introvert, the extrovert, the cautious, the risk-taker, the overthinker, the fast talker, the quiet one, the indecisive one, the spontaneous one, the carefree one, the worried one, the selfish one, the altruistic one, and much more.

Thse two words be yourself seem so easy for many people but not for me as it fills me with many questions.

I will limit myself to two questions .

Can you be yourself without changing?

Is it possible to change/improve a part of yourself and still be yourself?

Quirky

[white knight]

I'm also a serious person

I'vehad people say

You've got to chill out, let your hair down, etc

And when I'm depressed...

We all have to carry our own cross, harden up princess, depressed...I get sad too like everybody, you just need a good sleep etc

I dont mind naivety but when naive people seem to know more than a psych trained for 20 years, thats a bother.

Tony WK

[CJs_mum]

Thank you for expressing everything I've thought sconce I was 10...these words are spoken to us in hope they help and give guidance, but are not helpful.

I think many on here find they feel as you do.

I doubt this is all that helpful but... find what you like and don't like. Don't care what others think about you, distract yourself with other better things like reading a book or going to a concert or trying something new on the menu at your local cafe/restaurant-whatever you like...just be and keep using your incredible mind and being beautiful, no matter what. And know you can talk about it on here

[CJs_mum]

Quirky, you have so much good in you, you are very intelligent and a good, caring person

I know there's so many good things and people out there waiting for you when you are ready. Don't worry about who said what, just live anyway regardless. It doesn't matter- it's your choice and your life!

[quirkywords]

Tony

Your post as always makes sense and makes me smile. I have commented that I never knew there were so many mental health experts until I was diagnosed!! Everyone from family, to neighbours to shopkeepers all had advice.

Do people call you princess?? That made me smile- you should say I am a knight bold and brave!! and yes a princess can be bold and brave.

I have had so much advice over the years, I say thanks for sharing that and smile and then I forget it if it is not appropriate.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

CJs mum

Thanks for your post and welcome here.

Your kind words are much appreciated and helpful.

I am a worrier but it is hard not to be influenced what others say to and about us.

We discussed earlier about how we tend to soak up the negative and ignore the positives said about us.

A question

Do people feel they are free and comfortable to be themselves or do you feel you are pressured to conform?

Quirky

[Moonstruck]

Hey there Quirky....I don't exactly feel "pressured" to conform...but tone myself down a bit to smoothly fit in with whatever social circle, or family, or group, or individual I am interacting with at the time.....makes it more comfortable all round.

but oh God...what a relief just lately when I returned to my creative outlet group.....my "tribe". You and I have spoken about this before on another thread I believe.....the relief at not having to pretend.....speaking the same language.....totally feeling free to be "me" . I suspect the others in the tribe feel the same, at least some of them, the ones that have stuck around for years and years anyway.

I recall a line from movie The Big Chill...(here I go quoting movies again...Queen of the Quotes that's me).....a woman at a funeral/wake with old long time friends....drinking etc. She says something like " I no longer know how to handle myself when I'm drunk".....One of her old mates reassures her 'You don't have to handle yourself around us".

that's sort of how I feel with my tribe.....they accept me as I am on that particular day. This is a group I only see from time to time....not neighbours, work colleagues, partners, relations...which are the folk we all have to deal with every day.....now thats a different story.........luv Moon S xo

[lucagabriella]

Quirky, you raised a good point earlier about people feeling they cannot praise themselves out of fear of being arrogant or boastful. I totally agree with you on that one. Instead of criticizing people for admitting their strengths or telling what it is they're good at, we should be welcoming it.

Moonstruck, I also agree with you. I personally think that people do conform to those around them in order to fit in, and I think that only has a negative impact on people. However you mentioned finding your "tribe" and that resonates with me - the idea of finding a group of people you "don't have to handle yourself around." That, I think, is what our friends/family are for, or whoever it is we are close with. That is why when we don't have someone we feel we can turn to, we feel lonely, because we can't express ourselves fully.

- lucagabriella

[quirkywords]

Moon

thanks for popping by - always great to read your words.

I like the idea of a tribe, I am not sure I have found one with people, but I do feel at home with books in my bookshop, other bookshops or libraries as long as I am surrounded with books.

Does that make me nerdy??

I do like people but have never felt I have ever fitted in but then many people have told me they feel this way.

quirky

[Moonstruck]

You have a bookshop? you mean you own one...or have a favourite one? How beautiful. I adore books..ever since a little girl....I always had my head stuck in a book. Wonderful escape for a child. I could read before I went to Grade One...the teachers couldn't figure out how....I have no idea either.

I always have a few on the go..either from my collection or the Library Prefer non fiction, autobiographies, biographies.....real life is much stranger than fiction. I love reading others' life stories. Another quote I remember..."If you can read you are never alone" or something like that.

One of my favourite childhood memories, is that delicious smell of the children's library....that old musty "book" smell....I used to hold the pages up to my nose sometimes to drink in that unique fragrance. Which reminds me, I have a box of childhood books here....I might drag one out and smell it.....on seconds thoughts...that sounds somewhat odd....oh well, who cares...I am an eccentric old woman...I can do what I like.

have a nice night Quirky.

[Elizabeth CP]

Your question Do people feel they are free and comfortable to be themselves or do you feel you are pressured to conform?' I think is the crux of being able to be yourself. To be yourself you need to learn to choose what you want to do rather than being pressured into conforming either to actual requests or our ideas of what we think others expect. This is something I am still working on & I'm still not comfortable going against what others expect.. This doesn't necessarily mean we always do what we want. Recently my daughter needed a lot of help to prepare to move overseas. I didn't want to spend hours helping in her garden & driving a truck to move all her belongings. I did it not to conform with her expectations but because helping her fitted with my own value system. I wanted to spend time with her & wanted to ensure our relationship remained strong. In contrast my DIL wanted me to attend an activity for her birthday. I felt the activity was inappropriate but I wasn't comfortable telling her. I arranged to go away that weekend so I had a good excuse to not go.

My psych keeps encouraging me to determine when I should comply with others requests by checking whether they fit with my values & if not I need to improve my ability to be assertive & refuse the request.

Your original question asked if you can be yourself & still change. As human beings we are constantly changing even throughout a day our moods & level of fatigue changes & major events good & bad have a huge impact on us causing us to change.