Be Yourself but who am I?

[quirkywords]

I have often been told to just be myself but then I am encouraged to be softer, think less, eat less, worry less, relax more , exercise more, be more confident, less timid, less cautious, more adventurous,less selfish, stop being a people pleaser, be happier, be kinder , ask less questions and the list goes on.

I find this confusing if I am to be myself why must I change?

The other problem is who am I, which self should I be: the introvert, the extrovert, the cautious, the risk-taker, the overthinker, the fast talker, the quiet one, the indecisive one, the spontaneous one, the carefree one, the worried one, the selfish one, the altruistic one, and much more.

Thse two words be yourself seem so easy for many people but not for me as it fills me with many questions.

I will limit myself to two questions .

Can you be yourself without changing?

Is it possible to change/improve a part of yourself and still be yourself?

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Later I like the way in a few words you make wise observations. I usually use lots of words and say a little.

Stressless

I agree that we find it hard to know how to react in certain situations because of our MI.

This causes us to doubt our instincts and question our core values. That is so true for me.

How are you going ? I hope you are being kind to yourself. I really learn a lot from your posts.

Quirky

[Guest_3712]

Hi Quirky

Have had a tough time of late and unfortunately a bad week coming up with a funeral of a close friends mother on Tuesday

Have needed to reach out to my friends here after a few days of forum detox- still just taking it quiet and keeping a low profile while I think through some things .

Great thread by the way 👍

See u in the circle -

Stressless

[quirkywords]

Stressless. I am sorry you had a tough week and a bad week to come. Please be kind to yourself as your presence on this forum helps many people especially me.

I wonder if my authentic self includes my bipolar. I seem to have struggled all my life fighting it but I am beginning to realise that I am a complex person who ahs different sides. I see others feel that MI has caused their problems and is separate from who they are.

I wonder if anyone has integrated and accepted their illness into their concept of who they are? How has this worked out?

[Quercus]

Thats an interesting idea Quirky. I hope you get some replies I'm interested in that too.

Personally I think I haven't accepted my MI or even myself yet given the revelation in psychotherapy. Apparently I'm an actor. Highs and lows but not able to just be "me". Not quite sure how to change that let alone work my depression into the mix.

Any suggestions would be fabulous I'm stumped 😊

[quirkywords]

Quercus, Thanks for your posts as they are always welcome.

I have enough trouble working out my own personality let alone advise others. I sometimes think I think too much and complicate simple things.

I think many of us use masks and act happy or as if all is ok when it isn't.

I am hoping people with more ideas that have worked for them can offer suggestions for us and others.

Quirky

[Guest_3712]

Hi Quirky,

I believe we are made up of many layers - like an onion. As time and events take place in our lives, layers are removed, exposing different elements. So yes bi - polar may well be one of your layers. I think because there are so many misconceptions about MI, we tend to hide these parts of us because we're told it is bad, not normal, or such and therefore create real problems.

What if our depression, anxiety, bi polar was treated like the illness it is. Like cancer or diabetes ? No stigma, no hiding away ashamed , no discrimination - wow what a difference this would make .

Sure this is evolving but long way to go. In answer to your question if people have accepted their illness as part of who they are, for me I would say yes I have. I would also say that some ten years after being diagnosed , I have shed that first raw layer of disbelief and total freak out to a somewhat calmer acceptance- most of the time.

Like other illnesses I have flair ups where my symptoms are worse if something triggers underlying issues. Again just like other physical illnesses- like this crappy flu virus I have at the moment. I feel better then go out in the cold wind, or mix with the public and wham! sick again.

Sorry if I'm waffling but my main point is I am slowly accepting my MI is part of who I am- just like my physical disabilities- they don't define me as they once did. I am no longer this disabled crazy lady. I am a wife, mother, grandmother, friend , work associate, neighbour who happens to need treatment for a number of health issues .

Not sure if any of this makes sense Quirky, or has confused you more. For me my journey has been a long one and I can look back at where I was and appreciate where I am today- not perfect but not so terrible as I once was.

Be kind to yourself

Stressless

[quirkywords]

Stressless you make a lot of sense.

It is a long journey and we all do what works for us.

I find when others see my MI label they may treat me differently and that affects how I see myself. I really want to accept every part me and concentrate on my strengths instead of always worrying about my weaknesses.

Thanks again everyone for their contributions so far. It is a long journey. So all walkers to accompany me most welcome.

Quirky

[Guest_3712]

Hi Quirky,

Where is this MI label you wear, and who sees it ? Are you talking about people who know you or casual acquaintances ? Any one who is part of your life on a regular basis and knows of your illness are possibly responding to your cues. If you are defensive say, they may react by being tip- toeing around so as not to further upset you- my experience. I'm not saying this is your case.

As far as other people in your life, is it possible that your perception is that they treat your differently ?

I know when I am really anxious and / or depressed I get very paranoid and am convinced everyone is looking at me and judging everything I do, when the reality probably is that they don't even give me a second thought.

We spend so much time through our lives worrying about what others think, or how we look compared to Joe Blow down the street but guess what? most - not all but most people are so self absorbed with their own issues that they rarely give a lot of thought to others. Sad but true.

Quirky I get that there is still a stigma surrounding MI, but you are a great example of how that stereotype of a crazy out of control person is gradually being eroded. We are just like everyone else with health issues that can sometimes be crippling and self destructive, but it can also be managed and controlled and you my friend are on that long journey - but not alone . Never alone.

So after dinner I will lace up my newly acquired Nikes and join you on that walk.

Stay strong and be kind to yourself

Stressless

[quirkywords]

Later

How are you? I enjoy your posts and your sense of humour.

I find laughing at myself to be at the core of who I am. Sometimes I find it hard to even smile but do manage to see the silly side of my behaviour.

Quirky

[Guest_128]

Hey there Quirky, so nice to hear from you. Thanks

yeah you are a funny chook,most times it gets to the point where I think I might cry. Then something stupid happens and everything is funny or I will just be funny.

As we go I am trying to sort stuff out,but am getting tired of trying.

it makes me happy I can make you laugh,if we can't Whats the point.

so how the flying fox are you going 😘

Later