Staying well

Support each other to stay well, from mindfulness, sleep, diet and exercise to reducing drug and alcohol use and coping with difficult emotions.

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Pinned discussions

Just_Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 703

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

Kazzl Helpful books and resources
  • replies: 103

Hi everyone Members often refer in their posts to books and other resources that have helped them. This thread is a place to list those books so all members can find them easily. The titles might include scholarly, mass market and self-help books, sp... View more

Hi everyone Members often refer in their posts to books and other resources that have helped them. This thread is a place to list those books so all members can find them easily. The titles might include scholarly, mass market and self-help books, specialist websites or blogs, podcasts, vodcasts or print or online journals or magazines. Please note BB has a list of websites and resources under Get Help, so maybe check there first for online resources. (Also note that we cannot include live links to online resources.) To make things easy to find, please put the category of the content first in bold, then the title of the book and then, if you want, a brief comment. Please note that anything listed here reflects the member's views only. Publications and other resources are not necessarily endorsed by beyondblue. Happy reading!

Chris_B Worried about other users - how are we all doing?
  • replies: 43

Hi everyone, I thought I'd check in to see how everyone is doing; while the nature of these forums is as a place of support, and it feels good to help others, we need to make sure our own welfare is looked after too. Sometimes reading the experiences... View more

Hi everyone, I thought I'd check in to see how everyone is doing; while the nature of these forums is as a place of support, and it feels good to help others, we need to make sure our own welfare is looked after too. Sometimes reading the experiences of others can be validating, because we feel 'we've been there', but sometimes it can also be a trigger for bringing up unpleasant feelings. I've started this thread so we can have a constructive discussion about helping others and helping ourselves - how do you cope when you read about others in distress? Do you have a self-care plan in place, and if so, what is it? Really looking forward to hearing from you all.

All discussions

Mel- Emotionally distanced by husband
  • replies: 2

I am a 33 year old mum. I am feeling that my husband is not in to me. I’m a introvert person but my husband is quite opposite. I need to stay in the relationship for my 2 kids. But so painful to realise partner don’t have any emotional and physical a... View more

I am a 33 year old mum. I am feeling that my husband is not in to me. I’m a introvert person but my husband is quite opposite. I need to stay in the relationship for my 2 kids. But so painful to realise partner don’t have any emotional and physical attraction

Ggrand Assertiveness with Respect..
  • replies: 8

Hello Everyone... Living my life as not allowed to say no, or question anything at all, in other words...just do what you’re told to do...it even entered into the say what I tell you to say.....this happened both when I was younger and then in a marr... View more

Hello Everyone... Living my life as not allowed to say no, or question anything at all, in other words...just do what you’re told to do...it even entered into the say what I tell you to say.....this happened both when I was younger and then in a marriage for 38 years with a narcissist man...The repercussions that followed me...when not doing/saying what I was told....has left me very afraid of speaking up and of facing any type confrontation....that I immediately freeze, listen to their hurtful words, go straight into flight mode...then run a way to somewhere quiet and cry....later on, could be minutes or hours later, I start degrading myself very harshly for being such a doormat a coward for not speaking up for myself, for not protecting my rights or defending myself....even when I know 100% that I didn’t deserve the outburst from the other person...... Somewhere, down along the track, I start thinking.... maybe she/he was right, maybe I did do or say something wrong....and guilt sets in... me feeling bad about myself causing them to have an outburst...maybe it was me after all...my brain involuntary, continuously going over and over the words, actions, facial expressions of what was said...I’ve now convinced myself I caused it all....and PTSD starts taking me back.... The next time I need to see that person again....I feel shame, guilt, and avoid talking or being in the same room as they are... It’s a vicious cycle to be stuck in....I’ve been stuck in it so long now....My support worker, said that I need to respect myself enough to stand up for myself.... I do respect myself...maybe in another way though...It’s just that, yelling, shouting, swearing and the look on people faces...when angry trigger me into freeze, flight mode..... Has anybody been able to set aside their fear of confrontation and managed to stand up for themselves?....did it make you feel good inside yourself that you did it...or did you later regret it? I would love to hear from others about how being assertive or lack of it...effects you....maybe we can help each other to understand more about how to be even a little bit assertive with respect of course...for both ourselves and the other person/s involved... My kindest thoughts with my care... Grandy...

Cuzzies21 Where to next
  • replies: 12

I'm lost and not sure what to do, I've tryed two different psychologists and was told I was too depressed for psychology to work, six months ago I then started on meditation which has kind of numbed all my feelings and calmed me down some what, but n... View more

I'm lost and not sure what to do, I've tryed two different psychologists and was told I was too depressed for psychology to work, six months ago I then started on meditation which has kind of numbed all my feelings and calmed me down some what, but now I'm in a calmer state I can see more clearly there's no way out of my situation. Been to ED twice (high blood pressure and chest pain) both times put down to anxiety, constant sweating and shortness of breath since late 2019. I know what's causing my problems but they can't be fixed. Just wanting to end my pain

MissJ94 Finally some positive news!
  • replies: 6

I officially have a job! Got the call today that the final checks have been completed and ill be starting on Monday! Applied for this job over 6 weeks ago and its been a long wait but finally i feel like my life is getting back on track, that im bein... View more

I officially have a job! Got the call today that the final checks have been completed and ill be starting on Monday! Applied for this job over 6 weeks ago and its been a long wait but finally i feel like my life is getting back on track, that im being lead in the right direction to finally being happy and stable again. I havent worked in 24 weeks now after i resigned from my previous position as a registered nurse due to harassment, stalking and bullying. Im literally two weeks off being able to take my super out for financial hardship, which im in severely! Still thinking about taking it out to help manage those debts that have piled up.. Im super nervous though! Its an admin position at a major hospital. Ive never worked in admin but have some skills such as dealing with paperwork, taking phone calls, resolving issues or complaints, knowledgeable with computers etc. So im nervous about what else will be expected, what the environment will be like, who ill be working with or will i be on my own, what if theres something i dont know or not sure about? So worrying about all that has lead me to worry about things like what im going to wear (smart casual), how im getting there on Monday (was going to drive but my car broke down a week ago and not sure if the battery will last getting down there and back, i need the battery replaced as its almost dead but cant afford it which is one of the things id be repairing if i took my super out but then if i catch the train what if all the trains are out again here in Sydney?), Is this really the right path im taking, what if i dont get along with the people ill be working with, what if i majorly mess up somehow, what if i find it all to be too much. So although im excited for this new beginning, my head is full of 'what ifs'! Then i thought maybe i should sign up for a cert 3 in admin that i can do online over 18 months? I thought it might be a good option to sign up for it tomorrow, if i can, to ease that transition into this new job. But then i thought it might be better to wait a few weeks to see if i like the job? Have no idea! So many emotions and feeling i almost feel as though i need to start taking anxiety meds!

white knight The best praise you'll ever get- financial hardship
  • replies: 0

Often there is a link between mental health issues and financial problems. Speaking from experience as a young adult I was totally incompetent in managing my finances. My first fortnightly wage when I joined the Air Force was $143 and $138 went to pu... View more

Often there is a link between mental health issues and financial problems. Speaking from experience as a young adult I was totally incompetent in managing my finances. My first fortnightly wage when I joined the Air Force was $143 and $138 went to purchasing a ghetto blaster. Little did I know that that was the theme that would remain for the next 13 years. The ramifications of poor money handling range wide, your friends will afford to socialise in venues, buy material items even new cars, some might save up for them on a long term basis. However watching all this happening and listening to those friends tell you of their plans and how successful their saving is going can only stimulate some of us for a short time. We'll put aside $100 from our pay and feel the vibe of what it's like then by the end of the fortnight it's gone! The first step in any problem is to know its source. In the case of symptoms like impulsivity, lack of proactivity and excessive spending people usually dont even contemplate the connection to any mental health issue. That's just as common with other unwanted traits like sensitivity and mania for example. With money problems they will only become suspicious when it goes on for many years and is pointed out by someone close like a new spouse. Excessive spending is a symptom in illnesses like ADHD, bipolar and others and there is a condition called Compulsive Buying Disorder. The result of over spending leads to distress and a feeling of being dissatisfied all the time. The feeling of failure compounds when your friends buy houses and can afford children. I've had that for all those years and in my case it peaked when my parents pointed it out. By then I felt I was so far behind it was pointless trying. I was then lucky. I had access to a low interest defense home loan with no deposit and caught up with friends by my ability to enter real estate. However, I needed a thrifty partner to keep my spending at bay. So the problem remained internal until my diagnosis of bipolar in 2009 and with correct medication the symptoms subsided. Now, I had little desire to spend at all and this transformation is so obvious to me now that this post exists. So, consider if you have such strong need to spend and no ability to save money through self discipline, consult your GP. List any other symptoms that might be known also like anxiety, moods, obsessions etc. Then if diagnosed you can praise yourself for the first step in moving forward. TonyWK

searchingforgalaxies Job Capacity Assessment of Centrelink
  • replies: 6

I have Autism Spectrum Disorder Level 2, Chronic Anxiety Disorder, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder and was advised to apply for the Disability Support Pension, I have been requested to attend a Job Capacity Assess... View more

I have Autism Spectrum Disorder Level 2, Chronic Anxiety Disorder, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder and was advised to apply for the Disability Support Pension, I have been requested to attend a Job Capacity Assessment on Friday next week, even though my doctor has made it clear that I am unable to work. I struggle to leave the house, I frequently cry and have panic attacks in public places as a result of my anxiety and sensory overload related to ASD. Has anyone done a JCA and could give me an idea of what to expect? What do I do if they expect me to be working when I can't even go and get groceries... Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

white knight The best praise you'll ever get - overcoming insecurity 
  • replies: 0

In another thread I covered self praise so you can boost your self esteem particularly during the post marriage separation period. Why do we need praise? With many people we lack security. Feeling insecure is a natural phenomenon. As an atheist I've ... View more

In another thread I covered self praise so you can boost your self esteem particularly during the post marriage separation period. Why do we need praise? With many people we lack security. Feeling insecure is a natural phenomenon. As an atheist I've envied religious people because they have an ultimate being that they can worship. That alone would be enough to fill the void of any insecurity. For me there is nothing that does that, the closest I have had is my love father that passed in 1992 at 65yo (I was 36). So that leaves people that feel insecure with searching for methods to improve our own self esteem. Here are some ideas- Financial security Aging Improve knowledge like travel, education Ask for reassurance from a partner eg communicate your needs Share your skills Change professions Forgive yourself Become more positive (like attending motivation lectures) Reject persistent criticism that lacks recommendations Accept yourself Praise yourself Self praise in a mirror as mentioned in my other thread was instrumental for me post separation. It took a few months of "you are a good man, you are a good father, you will create a good future for yourself and my children". More importantly it was reaffirming what was right and not allowing my wife's abusive labels to remain within my mind. Feeling insecure can effect you emotionally and even physically. Dr Lisa Firestone (Co author of the book Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice said- “The critical inner voice is formed out of painful early life experiences in which we witnessed or experienced hurtful attitudes toward us or those close to us. As we grow up, we unconsciously adopt and integrate this pattern of destructive thoughts toward ourselves and others.” So, to overcome the feeling of insecurity we must counter it with an equal reaction. TonyWK

white knight Accepting yourself
  • replies: 11

Acceptance is in the mix, in terms of the process we have to face where it comes to our demons. Like all the other factors in our quirky lives with mental illness challenges, we often have more intense fights to endure. We have to accept we have a me... View more

Acceptance is in the mix, in terms of the process we have to face where it comes to our demons. Like all the other factors in our quirky lives with mental illness challenges, we often have more intense fights to endure. We have to accept we have a mental illness- no mean feat before we can feel relaxed in our own skin. We have to accept being “different”, not normal and we have to accept others wont/don’t/cant understand. We have to accept the download of all this and the discrimination from nasty people. Then there’s the challenge of accepting ourselves. To top all this off we have the the computer. This machine has made incredible advances in communication, knowledge sharing and we as a result are far more aware and educated. But there is a downside….misunderstanding. In respect to forums we shed our outer skin, expose our deepest thoughts and in many cases display information about our inner thoughts we would not normal reveal. This can have ramifications. I’d argue that we with emotional needs far greater than normal and sensitivity at peak levels, that we are prone to fall into traps on the internet more often. Facebook is a good example. I covered this in a thread- https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/why-social-media-is-no-good-for-you . Bullying from some quite nasty people had occurred with me over a 5 year period by one low life person that surprisingly was a popular fellow with others…for a time. Until people realised his inner persona wasn’t all that nice as his exterior appeared. By the time harm was done, the personal messages of “take more medication and go back to your doctor buddy” cut deep and there was no way I could just “laugh it off”. Internet disputes place us in a situation whereby you feel you cannot avoid them. We humans cannot agree about everything. But the worst thing about internet communication is, we don’t see the smile when the other posts, we don’t read the words how they were intended to be received and we certainly don’t have a vision of the good nature of the person…that often is clouded. We need to always try to move forward because the bigger picture of life itself is important. It isn’t an easy task because we are still chewing at the bit about our side of a story…so we have to be brave if we are going to use computers as our tool to talk, find common ground and swallow our pride. Acceptance a challenge? yes and focus on the bigger picture. What do you think? Tony WK

white knight Making wise decisions
  • replies: 7

Every day we make hundreds of decisions, many of which we make without thinking we have actually made a choice. This process can drain those that dont have a lot of mental endurance. Some decisions are made out of obligation to other people, a spouse... View more

Every day we make hundreds of decisions, many of which we make without thinking we have actually made a choice. This process can drain those that dont have a lot of mental endurance. Some decisions are made out of obligation to other people, a spouse, family or club members. Such decisions are putting other people before ourselves which is honourable but I's argue that often these decisions are harmful, not due to intent but due to kind people ignoring their own limitations. Look around and you are likely to see examples around you. I have a 73yo friend that has 12 vintage cars all in a state of disrepair, one is being restored. He joined the 'men's shed' and a few weeks later two members there passed away. So he now attends two days a week for 8 hours a day because "no one else can manage it but me". In another breath "but I know I'll never finish restoring my cars, even the one I'm doing now". My only comment "your dream was to restore at least one car to drive around on Sundays but you are putting a clubs needs over your own". My friend realised he was being over generous when two club members arrived and over a cuppa both declared they were "bored at home with nothing to do". Furthermore when my friend asked if they could open up the clubhouse doors and manage the shed (which would free him up a few more hours each day) they declined one saying "I dont want to get that involved" and the other "I'm not that bored". We have friends staying with us. For 2 days we've driven them around, gone out for lunches and so on as they havent visited our new house in this new area before. Today my wife wanted to take them on a two hour drive visiting the beach etc. I declined. This is what prompted this post. Sometimes you have to regroup, remind yourself that burnout can occur easily and put yourself first. It is ok to be first. Do you have strategies that result in you being number one? Do you have difficulty placing your needs above others needs? TonyWK

white knight Determination- do you have it?
  • replies: 5

There is many common themes I see amongst the mentally challenged. Among them is determination and we read about it every day, those poor souls with all sorts of challenges in life. even the ups and downs of life itself can be an enormous climb to co... View more

There is many common themes I see amongst the mentally challenged. Among them is determination and we read about it every day, those poor souls with all sorts of challenges in life. even the ups and downs of life itself can be an enormous climb to conquer. Then once you have, at the peak of that mountain you realise- there is another higher mountain and the next. This scenario is manifested when we expect smooth roads in life. A mental picture of paradise, a place you yearn for daily. I recall my mother when we were kids crying and saying "I just need a holiday". As kids we thought that would fix it all, in reality she wasnt coping with her daily struggles of life itself. Daily life is tough for many. Think about the thousands of tasks we do weekly just to live- rubbish/recycling/green waste processing, employment, kids needs, cleaning, debt attention, credit cards, bills, people interaction, the weather, toxic people, family issues and the list goes on. You indeed need to be determined to survive this if, on top of all that you have a mental illness. Then that alone with DR visits, medication woes, ups and downs and other peoples reactions to it all...how to combat this challenge? Well, combatting this is the worst approach to take IMO. Acceptance is the only effective way to find peace. Once you accept live as the above and there is naught you can do to change it, then you can develop ways to automatically go about these chores and relationships with less thinking about them- automatically do them is the way to go. I mean we can lie on the couch and think about all the stuff we have to do and go "I think I'll just lie here and vegetate for a while" or you can rise and focus on just one task. Worry about the next task later. A thread pertaining to the process of "dont think DO" is following. This can help in your development of becoming determined and therefore coping with life better. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/switching-mindsets Can you be a hermit and be determined? Yes you can. Challenges can be so huge to you but small to others. It doesnt matter, face your challenges methodically when you are comfortable. Write your daily challenges down and tick them off as you complete them. Do you have trouble being determined? Do you lack motivation? Do you want to find your inner peace? https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/inner-peace-the-glory-of-being-you TonyWK