Restless, Irritable and Discontent

[Soberlicious96]

Sometimes I get restless irritable and discontent, even though my life is going great. I have so much to be grateful for, I really do. But it's like I get this 'itch' for more. Like I want to do something more, and I want it now, but I don't know what it is.

I start looking at online courses, or starting a new hobby or something ...... but it's always something I can get quickly ...... like I used to get that quick fix from a drink or a drug. I haven't HAD ANY (alcoholic) drink or (illicit) drugs for a long time now, nor do I desire that. But I feel like my disease .... or, as I've heard others pronounce it as dis-ease - as in, away from ease - is trying to sabotage me and get me back into the gutter, one restless, irritable and discontent thought at a time. I've also heard people call it alcoholISM, not alcoholWASM. As in, I may be recovered, but I'm not cured. I fully believe that that is the eternal condition of the disease and that the 'R.I.D. feeling may never bee totally gone. And it's times like this that I fully get that ISM bit ..... because even though I don't want to drink or drug, I want to eat. Just something, anything, but I can't decide what it is, because I'm not actually hungry, I'm 'bored' ...... I've got the RID's and want to rid myself of that feeling. I'm probably not alone in having these feelings either ...... I just identify it, for me, as being the core of my dis-ease, drinking or not. If that makes sense anyway.

Distraction helps though; I cleaned my teeth. Why is that important you ask? Because it helps to deter me from wanting to dirty up my teeth with food! And I write. .... or, in this case, type. ...... I've also brought some little things on eBay which I've wanted for a while, looked at buying lego, looked at short courses in Mental Health First Aid (which was a module in a Diploma I did years ago and really enjoyed it, although also found quite challenging). Oh, and watched MAFS!!! Wow, has THAT got some interesting stuff going on!

I suppose at least I'm aware of what is going on, and I know what to do about it. I only know two ways of living; the way I used to live before recovery (drunk, alone, angry, scared and confused) or sober, reliable, mindful, useful and grateful.

I know which way I prefer and will go to ANY reasonable lengths to maintain and grow in that way; sober and with my dignity intact.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I feel better now. xo

[Croix]

Dear Soberlicious96~

OK, I had to look up MAFS which until I thought about it made me shudder. Then I realized my partner made her mind up to9= marry me at very short order. Mind you she did not let me in to the secret for quite some time. It's worked well for 20+ years.

Dealing with diss-ease as you describe it does have a further method of attack you know, neither giving in, not trying to treat foil symptom and occurrence individual as they happen but by changing your life, being so preoccupied that diss-ease does not get a foot hold.

I had something similar when invalided out of my occupation and told in so many words the future was staying at home and swallowing meds. After I improved a bit (by staying home and swallowing mess true, but plus other things also) I took a course of study.

It was supposed to be full time, which I could not manage, however part time it took twice as long and it worked well. I was very much aware of what needed doing each day and took on a whole new outlook on life.

I'm not pretending it was 100% successful or that it's the remedy for everyone, however it lead me in new directions to a new completely unanticipated occupation and did move my mind -and habits -far from where they started.

What I'm trying to say (apart from the fact you sound eminently capable of studying successfully) is to try to meet diss-ease head-on might be less successful than an oblique approach -if that makes any sense.

Croix

[catminister]

Okay so I have struggled with this or have been aware of struggling with this for a long time. I used to blot out this feeling, medicate it, drug it in a variety of ways until i got clean and sober. It didnt take long to identify that this restlessness, this persistent anxiety or dis-contentedness tended to rear its head in other ways and i consequently found new creative ways to medicate it....through other compulsive behaviors, until I hit bottom with each one of them. Whether it was work, sex, relationships, comfort eating, shopping or spending over a period of years I was unable to achieve the same satisfaction from the behavior or medication, I was left feeling just as empty, just as restless and just as discontent. A mentor of mine from many years ago once told me that most people reside in the valleys of life, every once in awhile experiencing a mountaintop. He explain that i was more accustomed to living in a constant state of turmoil, chaos and crisis and that over time I had come to identify this as excitement and fun. He said i needed to develop a "Tolerance For The Mundane" and that until I did I would continue to sabotage my life and my serenity and peace in my quest to quiet that restless urge for more, or different or something else. The best way used to be with relationships, either getting into one or getting out of one and all the drama in between. I have to learn to resist the temptation to couple up, to move in with or out of, i have had to learn how to be alright alone and single, its ongoing, its a process and I'm getting better I think...

[quirkywords]

Catminister

Welcome to the forums.

I like the saying Tolerance fir the mundane,

As you can see no one has replied for couple of years so you may want to start a thread if you want to,

I am glad you chose to share yiur experience with others,

[Guest_20387927]

I know this is a dead thread but when I searched for anything around restlessness irritability discontent I wound up on Beyond Blue, and I am Australian and hey I have Major Depressive Disorder so why not do a little journalling into the void. I hear you soberlicious (a favourite shirt of mine is one i had made up with bootlylicious emblazoned across the front). I am sitting here right now feeling pretty goshdarned agitated. I used to use drugs, on and off and when on heavily, in order to still the agitation (I also have ADHD but then who doesn't these days). My counsellor tells me where there is addiction there is shame and I have searched for where mine came from, in on sense he is saying the constant agitation comes back to a sense that something is not right, and I guess that means not right with me. I need constant input throughout the day, sometimes music but very often text - reading or listening to books. I have a beautiful partner and we are in an open relationship and I am now pursuing relationships outside of ours but I am not even sure what I want. On the healthy side of the ledger, I love people, smart ones, ideally funny or playful ones, and hey if they're women well that is super attractive to me, I am not hurting anyone, I don't have millions of irons in the fire, I have precisely two with women who are a match for me in age, intelligence, education and my profile is full disclosure etc - so sue me. But on the unhealthy side of the ledger, I am checking my phone constantly. It has definitely become the reflex rather than racing out and scoring, or getting cigarettes - though sometimes I do that, or getting drinks after work, which I am trying to reduce. Whilst I have the facade of having it all pretty much in order, inside my head I am a very agitated compulsive person. I am just not washing my hands or turning the key a million times, I am checking my phone or flipping apps or. I write to you today, soberlicious, cause I hear you on transferring the agitation and 'not rightness' from one thing to another - this has been my whole life, chocolate as a kid and then again as an adult for years, drugs, alcohol, and now it seems texting. it is upsetting and maddening and for me humiliating/undignified. I feel you out there fellow travellers.