Staying well

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Sophie_M Money stress? You are not alone!
  • replies: 4

So, I’ve been chatting with my friends over here at Beyond Blue and it seems we all have something in common right now: money worries. Whether it’s stressors about finding enough cash for the basics or wishing we had enough money for a holiday, we al... View more

So, I’ve been chatting with my friends over here at Beyond Blue and it seems we all have something in common right now: money worries. Whether it’s stressors about finding enough cash for the basics or wishing we had enough money for a holiday, we all seem to be experiencing a greater amount of stress surrounding money than we have in the past. And it’s impacting our ability to show up fully for the things we love. It’s not uncommon for us to experience shame and fear around expressing our financial challenges; it can be hard and somewhat taboo to openly discuss money matters. However, we believe this conversation is incredibly important and beneficial to have. Like all challenges, ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’, so let’s help each other out. Of course, discussions about the economy and how to manage our money during inflation are a much larger (and frustrating!) conversation… but what we would really love to know is what your personal experience around money is. Are you feeling the pinch too? How is added financial pressure impacting your wellbeing? When was the last time things felt even slightly easier? And if you have struggled with money in the past but come out the other side, what suggestions do you have for others who might still be finding their feet? This is an opportunity to share openly and honestly about your experience in a judgement-free space. There are no wrong answers, and we encourage you to share all the things that you might be finding hard to express in your every day life. Looking forward to your answers! Abundant hugs from yours truly, Sophie M.

Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

All discussions

white knight Depression and Toxic people
  • replies: 6

What is a toxic person? I think it is someone that can be destructive to others as one on one or often in a group. Toxic people often easily fit into cliques in groups. They can be possessive, nasty, cunning, sly, manipulative, and abrasive and they ... View more

What is a toxic person? I think it is someone that can be destructive to others as one on one or often in a group. Toxic people often easily fit into cliques in groups. They can be possessive, nasty, cunning, sly, manipulative, and abrasive and they can also wear a mask, hiding their real self. Whereas many of us wear a mask to shield ourselves from potential hurt, the toxic person wears a mask to enable themselves to penetrate others defences. Before you know it you have opened your heart to them, told them all and sundry about your struggles you regret it Or perhaps you know they are toxic from day one but you cannot, for various reasons ..avoid them. eg family members Knowing a toxic person can be a threat to anyone with a mental illness. Some years ago I began to recognise what a toxic person was...to me and perhaps not to others. The question I had for a long long time was- what do I do about it? Among them was my mother, two aunties (on the other side not related to my mother) and my sister. This is where it gets interesting because I now have the most loving caring relationship with my sister even though I once found her 'toxic'. One has to be careful that whatever action you take is the civil way- eg not used as a weapon but used as purely defense. . Obviously it depends on the person - you. What you feel is apt. As a guide there is every action from befriending them and leaving yourself open to hurt, to eliminating them fully from your life and everything in between. Eliminating is the quickest and surest way to obtain harmony and move on without the drama. But had I did that with my sister ..I wouldnt have her in my life now!. My sister and I for 30 years, had my mother in between us, manipulating each of us against each other. It was this element, one that we both had little control over, that allowed me to not eliminate her. Four years ago events occured whereby we both had to eliminate mother from our lives so we could both recover from our mental struggles and start loving and caring for each other. It worked. So, think deeply about your decision and the conditions of that decision. How those people you push away can contact you if need be. Control how you can be contacted for example. Be wary!!. Remember why you took a stance in the first place - for health reasons being one ingredient of the recipe to help overcome depression. It is a tough decision. For me toxic people are those that I can do without. People stopping my progress to heal.

zailleh Beating Depression the Vulcan way: With Logic.
  • replies: 5

Please excuse the Star-Trek reference for those who don't like the show! I've been using a number tools to overcome depression, stemming from knowledge and understanding of how the human mind works and, essentially, "hacking" my brain into doing what... View more

Please excuse the Star-Trek reference for those who don't like the show! I've been using a number tools to overcome depression, stemming from knowledge and understanding of how the human mind works and, essentially, "hacking" my brain into doing what I want. To begin with, there are some basic principles I'd like to highlight upon which my methods are based: 1. Self-Fulfilling Profecies I first came to see this as a tool for hacking my brain when researching motivation. Self-fulfilling prophecies are very useful in terms of increased motivation and performance and can be used to help overcome fears and more. 2. Turn it arround This concept is often used to help adjust negative thought patterns but this method has some specific ways in which you can apply the concept of turning it around. 3. Data, data, data. I don't have a reference for this, it's just something that I find that I need to do in order to actually make a difference to myself. I record everything I can think of. 4. Using project management tools on your own mental health to set goals. See: SMART criteria and SWOT analysis I was first exposed to these tools in my job and I realised that I can apply them to anything and everything. The benefit of using these tools begins with the simple fact that they make you think more deeply about your goals; that mere fact means you're more likely to succeed! (Also see point 1, Self-Fulfilling Prophecies) 5. Reward yourself Reward system and Anhedonia This one is important; when you're depressed things are more difficult to do but you still see them as trivial, like taking a shower for example, so you tell yourself that it's not a big deal it was just taking a shower and then you make yourself feel worse by thinking that it was so hard for you to do such a trivial thing. Rewarding yourself means recognising that the task was difficult for you in your current situation and yet you did it anway, and this is an achievement worthy of celebration and reward. Choose your reward carefully so as to not become dependent on something (don't reward yourself with food, alcohol, cigarettes or anything else that has a negative health impact.) 1. Self-Fulfilling Prophecies, an example: I pretty common self-fulfilling prophecy that I encounter is "I can't do it". Say I set out to go for a run first thing in the morning, that's my goal. In my depressed state I'm going to tell myself, "I can't do it". The problem here is that "I can't do it" comes with reasons why I can't do it. I'm hopeless. I'm a failure. I can't do anything. And thus, when I do fail to go for a run in the morning, I confirm my prophecy that I can't do it and, by proxy, all of the negative "facts" associated with it. I am hopeless; I couldn't go for a run this morning as was my goal, this is proof. 2. Instead, we need to "Turn it around": Start by asking yourself the questions; "Is it true?", If yes, "Can you know absolutely that it's true?", "How do you react and what happens when you believe that thought?" and "Who would you be without the thought?", then proceed to turn it around. "I can do it." Elaborate on why you CAN do it. 3.Data, data, data. Write it all down. Write down all the thoughts and questions and answers associated with it. The act of writing it will help make it more real, additionally it will help to guide you as a reference. For example, I like to keep a table (I work in IT so I do most of my data on a computer) in Excel with all of the things that make me feel good about myself. I like to keep a list of all of my achievements. Write down my negative thoughts and my turn-arounds; but I don't just list them, I write down my thoughts. How does it make me feel? Why does it make me feel like that? I explore as deeply as I can all aspects of how I'm feeling and I find that I discover things about myself and my feelings that, often times, surprise the heck out of me. 4. For bigger goals, I've started using project management tools to elaborate on my goals and help give me direction. For example, I want to start running in the mornings. I want to eventually run for 5km every morning. Combining the SMARTER and the SWOT helped me to identify my strengths, weaknesses, obstacles, what I actually want from it, my motivation and how I will actually know when I've succeeded. Most importantly, this knowledge then helps you get off the ground. Clearly it's an arduous task to suddenly one morning get up and run for 30 minutes every day. So how will I start? I'll just run around the block, it's 5 minute run, if that. Motivation? I'll involve my partner. If I don't get up to go for the run, she'll poke me and say hey, let's go -- just that little bit of extra help to get moving. I can come up with these things because I put thought into my goal and how I was going to achieve it. Again, writing all this down helps make it more real; 6 months down the track I can say that for certain I've reached my goal because I wrote it down. It's solid, it's concrete, it's rewarding to tick things off that list. 5. Reward yourself. Finally, stop comparing yourself to everyone else. You wouldn't beat yourself up because you couldn't run as fast a Usain Bolt, especially if all you've ever done was jog on a treadmill for 20 minutes 3 times a week. It's an entirely different field; wait until you're on the track next to Usain Bold before you start comparing yourself to him. Realise that what's difficult for you is just that, difficult for you. If running for 20 minutes on a treadmill is difficult for you, it's an achievement when you do it, and even more so when you exceed it. So reward yourself for the small victories, give yourself a pat on the back, congratulate yourself on a job well done and move on to the next goal. Write it down as a victory! Extra: Be positive about things when you're writing them down even if you don't believe it at the time. Associate positive feelings with things. It can be another one of your goals to associate a positive feeling with everything that's good even if you don't necessarily feel it! Disclaimer: Applying these things to yourself is obviously an individual thing and these things are all based on my own experience. Additionally, depending on where you're at with depression it can be a near impossible task to think of things logically like this; I still struggle to do it on my really bad days.

Gertie Protein
  • replies: 4

I rarely post, but read the forum and thought I would share one of ways of staying well. I have been on medication for MDD for over 30 years and have found having adequate protein in my diet is one of the ways I stay "steady". I read a book several y... View more

I rarely post, but read the forum and thought I would share one of ways of staying well. I have been on medication for MDD for over 30 years and have found having adequate protein in my diet is one of the ways I stay "steady". I read a book several years ago "Potatoes not Prozac" and dabbled with it everyone now and then. I began to realise how much steadier I felt when having adequate protein for 3 meals a day. It is based on an alchol recovery program (I dont drink). I dont do all of the steps, just adequate protein 3 times a day. This in additon to the meds.

white knight Do YOU need a jolt?
  • replies: 8

As children, our parents made us do things. They were the guide that force us to respond to our chores. They had an invisible hand on our backs that "better take the rubbish out or mum will yell". Then as Teenagers that hand slowly went away to allow... View more

As children, our parents made us do things. They were the guide that force us to respond to our chores. They had an invisible hand on our backs that "better take the rubbish out or mum will yell". Then as Teenagers that hand slowly went away to allow for us to think for ourselves. But parents were still around and they kept giving advice or "you know you have to take the rubbish out, you're old enough to remember without me telling you". I recall in the RAAF as a young 17 year old. We had recruit training and our corporal yelled and yelled especially when running holding our rifles high, as we dropped back he'd yell and I'd run back up to hold my position in the flight (team). It was only after that training period that I realised that no matter how hard I tried, I would never run that hard again nor get that fit again, all because I didnt have that ex Vietnam veteran yelling at me. And so adulthood comes with more freedoms. We seek accommodation on our own and we can easily become lazy. With a lazy partner its worse still. If friends come over we can just toss our unfolded washing into our bedroom and they would be non the wiser. We can do whatever we want. No one is there to push us. It' bliss. But like all positives in life there are negatives and visa versa. You then become mentally ill and this (in your case) makes your laziness much worse until you realise and get diagnosed. Often this leads to a messy life as the dishes stack up. You are ill and there is an excuse this time. And that's ok. But what if we have that imaginary disciplinarian hovering over you once you start breaking away from your depressive cycle or on a day you feel good. On a day you feel good, starting with a good warm shower then fall into bed again...why? ...because you can!! There is no one guiding you, telling you that on a good day it is a rare opportunity for you to keep the break in that cycle going. No one. Just you and whatever traces there are of your person that once pushed yourself to do what you had to do. You then need a jolt. Trouble is, in this thread I cant offer you one. I just know, through my own personal experiences, that you need one. Life has its challenges. The problem is if you cant meet those challenges then you either fall in a heap and things get worse which contributes towards your illness or someone else takes up the slack. Knowing you need a wake up call is half the challenge met...

claremortimer Recovering
  • replies: 5

I have been suffering depression and anxiety for about 5 years. 3 years ago, I couldn't take it anymore, I was sick of the nasty depressing thoughts that came over me, so I went to see a doctor. I had seen doctors and therapists in the past, but I fe... View more

I have been suffering depression and anxiety for about 5 years. 3 years ago, I couldn't take it anymore, I was sick of the nasty depressing thoughts that came over me, so I went to see a doctor. I had seen doctors and therapists in the past, but I felt like they made me worse so I didn't want to do anything or see anyone about it. My doctor last year was really really understanding, and listened to what I had to say. She put me on anti depressants. I have been taking those for 3 years now. Last year, I decided I didn't need them, and stopped taking them. which only threw me to the bottom. I suffered even worse, so quickly started taking them again. I still didn't feel like I was getting anywhere with recovery. I instead, looked into a more natural and healthy way of recovering. I STARTED TO EXERCISE & EAT HEALTHY!! I have never looked back since. I am still on medication, but I have never felt that sadness since then. I exercise daily, and it has improved my state of mind drastically. I cannot explain the difference it has made. I truly believe that exercising and eating right can help you mend your heart and mind, and try overcome whatever is dragging you down. I hope my story could help a little bit. remember, you are not the only one feeling like this.

white knight Mania, exhaustion or paranoia?
  • replies: 9

I've always been the same. Cant relax, always got a project on my mind and a couple planned for the future. 18 months ago I retired. Retirement really doesnt start straight away, sorry to disappoint. You have to do a few things like - paint that gabl... View more

I've always been the same. Cant relax, always got a project on my mind and a couple planned for the future. 18 months ago I retired. Retirement really doesnt start straight away, sorry to disappoint. You have to do a few things like - paint that gable that is starting to rot or it will need replacing, make that wood shed before autumn or your wood will get wet and electricity will cost more to heat your home and get your vegie patch going or you'll miss out on the summer crops. That's how its been for 18 months. Lately add to that my 6 year quest to get my customised vehicle on the road. It's now finished, ready for a trip up the mountains next week with our camper trailer and mini foxy. But it has all come at a cost in the last few days. I just cannot forecast when my endurance is about to run out. I think many people would, a week earlier, say to themselves....the machine can wait, I'm having a rest for a day or two. So two nights last week I worked on the project vehicle till 6 or 7am then crashed for 4 or 5 hours and into the project again. I enjoy my handy work, the end result and the journey to it. But it always comes at a cost. My moods swing, elevated for happy results, cheesed off if I'm taken away from the shed to attend things like shopping or even putting the bins out. = angry wife. I'm lucky. I know my mood and sleeplessness will subside. I can even feel it in the few days I've felt down. I dont know if its mania, paranoia, obsession or simply years or wanting to get to a point I'll be at next week- that trip, with the vehicle finished, the camper on the back and not a worry in the world. Of course they'll be the what if's, what if the new radiator springs a leak?, the new engine dies or the .....And I realise how negative I've been lately. I've written a number of threads on positivity, motivation and the like yet I struggle to carry out the very things I promote and recommend. In fact in hindsight, its easier for me to preach than act. I've done the cognitive thing, the relaxation, the therapies etc. I'm done trying to overcome this up and down motion of excitement down to despair. Then in an instant it will all revert back from despair to excitement again. It's coming, likely tomorrow or the next day. I just wished sometimes I was stable, boring, bland and uninteresting...then I wouldnt be on here writing this story. I suppose I'll just have to continue being the unstable, moody, smart, cool & wonderfully handsome guy I be...great-, its started!!!

Beltane People who inspire us (especially people who have mental illnesses)
  • replies: 2

Hiya again. Though of another nice topic to start. When living with a mental illness, sometimes we feel its very hard- or even that we won't achieve our dreams because of our illnesses. So I thought we could talk about the people who inspire us, espe... View more

Hiya again. Though of another nice topic to start. When living with a mental illness, sometimes we feel its very hard- or even that we won't achieve our dreams because of our illnesses. So I thought we could talk about the people who inspire us, especially those who have overcome mental illness (but you can talk about anyone inspirational). Whether its a celebrity (living or dead), a musician or author, a famous figure, or even a person you know in your own life. Even a book you read that inspired you! Who inspires you? (On a side note... what did Buzz Aldrin, Mozart and Einstein all have in common? They all have/ had mental illnesses! Buzz (alcoholism), Mozart (depression) and Einstein (bipolar). What did they also have in common? They were super awesome! Buzz (famous astronaut), Mozart (famous musician), Einstein (famous inventor and scientist). Just goes to prove that we don't have to be limited by our illnesses- we can still be super awesome in the ways we want to be! The people who inspire me... Ajahn Brahm. He is a Buddhist monk who writes books full of lovely life lessons and wise stories- my favourite (so far) is "Opening the Door of your Heart- and other Buddhist Tales of Happiness." My aunt. When i was first diagnosed, she was my rock, and shes always been there for me along my journey to wellness. She is someone who's lived with a significant mental illness (a lifelong one) but has learned to overcome it to go on to have a happy long marriage (20 years and counting), a lovely home, her own business, and lovely kids. She has taught me how to cope with the ups and downs of living with a lifelong mental illness, and to achieve all my dreams and hopes anyway. Most of all, she has given me hope to hang on to.... If she can overcome the troubles her illness caused, and go on to achieve all those wonderful things- then I can too!. My mum. Single mum, always there for me, always the first to go out of her way to land a hand and help anyone out. Has worked her bottom off to provide her kids with a good life, and always helps us kids out of a spot of bother. What a legend. Lets hear about your inspirational people!

RimeMariner29 Overcoming mental illness
  • replies: 9

Hey folks! Hope your all doing just fine. I was kinda struggling for few days so thought I should join these forums and see if I could get any good advise. I have been clinically diagnosed with "Schizophrenia" over 8 months ago. I was suicidal at the... View more

Hey folks! Hope your all doing just fine. I was kinda struggling for few days so thought I should join these forums and see if I could get any good advise. I have been clinically diagnosed with "Schizophrenia" over 8 months ago. I was suicidal at the time. Was lucky my friends noticed my behavior and told me seek help and i did. Never done drugs in my life, the Pysch says its hereditary. My grandfather had mental illness and somehow i got it. So have been on meds ever since. Overtime I come to realise that i was really ill and needed to keep taking the medications.The doctor says I have "stabilized" and in recovery. I still struggle with hearing "voices" as they are all nasty in nature. Its like I am on the streets on a leisurely walk and these random people call me a freak or disgusting etc. I used to wonder perhaps everyone heard these voices and we just had to learn to develop "thick skin". Meds are helping though so. The Psych told me meds wont take away all the voices. I called the hospital the other day. They said you could start working on improving your self esteem. I am also very self critical by nature so I am known to be very hard on myself. I joined the Gym and been working out heaps but wherever i go the voices remain. These voices can be very discouraging. Its like you vs world all the time. What would you do if you were in my shoes? I am just looking for change of perspective. I have begun looking for work. Some days I am full of energy wanna achieve things and other days it overwhelms me! I know mental illness is work in progress, you go one day at a time. I am grateful though overtime was able to overcome the victim mentality which was the suicidal part of me. If you folks got any advise for me on how to approach things differently please let me know. I am willing to do whatever it takes to overcome mental illness. I am still young and life's too short anyway.

Stitch Things pets do to make you laugh
  • replies: 12

Hi everyone, I often look at my 2 cats & think how much I love them, how much they make me laugh & how they are the only reason I'm still on this earth. I'm interested in hearing about other people's pets & the positive impact they have on our lives,... View more

Hi everyone, I often look at my 2 cats & think how much I love them, how much they make me laugh & how they are the only reason I'm still on this earth. I'm interested in hearing about other people's pets & the positive impact they have on our lives, especially in times of distress. I have been the happy "employee" (dogs have owners & cats have staff) of 2 cats for 4 years now & every day they find new & hilarious ways to crack me up. I had gone to the Lort Smith Animal Hospital with the intent to find a short haired cat, but came home with a long haired cat with 3 legs. . . . . and his fat girlfriend. Still not sure how it happened. I installed a cat door but because the 3 legged male cat had difficulty negotiating the gap between the front inner door & the security door, I went down to Bunnings and bought some wood & made him a disabled ramp to span the gap & slant down to the ground. I also glued some carpet to the ramp to give him some "purchase" for his claws. He loved it! The following day he presented me with half a mouse as a thank you. It was placed lovingly on my pillow with much strutting about & meiowing & it took a good 10 minutes of fur-stroking & lavish praise for his hunting prowess before he could calm down. I'm happy to say that nowadays he holds me in such esteem that he gives me the entire 'kill'. That's right folks, instead of pieces of mouse, I get the whole thing. Today he presented me with his most recent 'kill' which was half a sausage scavenged from the next door neighbour's BBQ last night. I don't know, I think his hunting skills are geting a bit rusty. The female cat has a habit of hunting stationary objects as she's a bit short-sighted & often mistakes rocks as prey. She also has a galloping case of dandruff & looks like a giant lamington on legs. She's completely obsessed with food, treats every meal as if it's her last & will often be found sitting next to her food bowl, looking hopeful & drooling. These 2 furry monsters are the reason I get out of bed every day. They're always happy to see me, they're hilarious to watch & they're a great comfort, especially when things are crappy. Stitch.

KatieJ I want to share what I have written
  • replies: 9

I have decided to write when I feel upset. And it is helping so much. I like poetry as it engages my mind beyond just the words... plus I like a happy ending which helps lol. I wrote this and felt inspired... I hope someone here enjoys the read. Ive ... View more

I have decided to write when I feel upset. And it is helping so much. I like poetry as it engages my mind beyond just the words... plus I like a happy ending which helps lol. I wrote this and felt inspired... I hope someone here enjoys the read. Ive titled it 'survivor' In my life I have seen many things as I'm sure have you too, there have been times of desperation, destitution but also times of opulence when due. Through all the pain and struggles of which I have been forced to endure, my sights were set for greater things and that which I could not ignore; That although those times did seem so bleak, dark days of pain and fear, I knew that I was not the only one and to some's struggles I could never come near. Surrounded by the strength of family and friends I hold so dear, still a loneliness resided so deep and fed upon my fear I saw the familiar pain in so many people's eyes, we all wore masks in desperation and convinced ourselves we were the masters of disguise And yet as plain as day life's scars were burnt into our gaze, and the yearning to be one those who were free from our dark maze. But then I left the maze below with sights set firmly to the sky, the frowns became less often and I found less need to cry. The skies were brighter day by day as I awoke from the mist, I gave up my crouch and stood up straight determination fueled my fists. The fight for what was rightfully mine had well and truly begun, a battle that no one deserves and has made many come undone. The battle for peace and happiness was that which I had to fight not just defend, once robbed by a jealous boy who thought he had the right to decide when my life should end. Though the fight seemed never ending and still there are days I must be strong, I hope his time in prison has taught him he was wrong. See I am stronger now despite the attempts to rob me of my life, if he comes again he will never be the victor of this fight. I have risen above what he has done, a victim I am not, I have survived the war and now he is the one who will be forgot. I accept the support and the light that bathes me with its warmth. I'm blessed with a life that my determination ensured I did achieve, full of that which no one can take, from the fog I have arisen the victor is awake! Hope that was worth your time