What have you done today to make you feel proud?

Gruffudd · ‎25-09-2015

There are moments when being my gay genderqueer self is the best feeling I have ever had. Often they are little things, some are big. They are good to remember on days when others make me feel bad for being who I am.

What have you done today to make you feel proud?

Tonight I came across a photo of me from when I was 15. In it I am in Wales and with my great uncle. It reminded me of a day when he, who was then in his 70's, took me for a walk along the old disused rail line that leads up towards Nantgarw. As we walked he said that he had seen me looking at the boy over the road and he knew that look. He then told me his story, how when he was a teenager he began working on the trains and fell in love with an engine driver. It turned out that the driver felt the same way. The story ended in tragedy during the war. My uncle wanted to tell me that it didn't matter that I was different and that I belonged somewhere and that he wanted me to be happy. Even now the memory in that photo makes me feel good about being gay and so proud of my great uncle.

Paul · ‎25-09-2015

OK Gruffudd, tears in my eyes! Your great uncle really was a GREAT (great) uncle.

Something I did that I'm proud of recently was when I was "dating" a guy, we would hold hands, cuddle and be affectionate in public. All in appropriate ways of course. Even when I felt a bit self conscious I never let go of his hand.

We got mostly smiles and the rest of the world went by without pointing or laughing or disgust or violence. I'm not saying it's all roses and unicorns all the time, but I was proud that I didn't let go when I felt self conscious. I was proud that I could express my affection in public just like any other couple has the right to.

Unfortunately my story ends in a bit of a tragedy as well. I fell in a hole - had a depressive episode, and wasn't the outgoing bike riding adventure seeker I was when we first met so the potential for a relationship ended with him just wanting to have fun times (roses and unicorns). It was very upsetting for me as I felt abandoned which is a big hang over from my childhood and a cause of depression for me. I felt anger as well because this person had suffered depression in the past and has the intention to help people with depression and anxiety.

After a few months of grief and analysis and the help of my brother and sister I'm coming out the other side stronger, more resilient as I have learnt a few more strategies.

Paul

justinok · ‎26-09-2015

Beautiful stories (apart from the endings haha, but that's life sometimes!) I dated a guy last year who was younger and he had no problems with holding hands in public. It was a big deal for me, because I'm just not used to it. I explained this to him, because he thought that me flinching away was me not wanting to be affectionate. No, it's because I'm scared of what might happen! Anyway, he was very understanding and he made a point of "training" me to do it without feeling weird, and even enjoying doing something which everybody else takes for granted. I guess that made me feel proud.

Gruffudd · ‎26-09-2015

I was at a cafe this morning with my mother, I saw a couple of guys crossing the road outside holding hands. It felt really good to see that in my town.

justinok · ‎28-09-2015

Still amazes me when I see it. I'll see two women doing it more often though.

Embracing_Tiger · ‎09-10-2015

Wow what a story Gruffudd! I was so moved. I forget all the time how the things that we do everyday can have such an impact. I get so focused with what goes on in my head, especially when I'm in a depressive episode: I just ruminate, negative thoughts just shrinking the world into the dark hole of my mind.

Today, I smiled and had a chat with my barista. I hope that he actually appreciated it, rather than just customer small talk, but I see so many people being indifferent to service people, like waiters and baristas. I know his name, and with each conversation I get to know him a little more. I appreciate the art of what he does too, cause without coffee I'd be a zombie!!

Great thread!