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The Love Lost

Violet_Eyes
Community Member
Hi everyone, I'm new to this site & last week I tried to end my life again, the lack of support I have by my family is frustrating me. They know I'm on medication for my depression but their opinion is I need to harden up! Well I'm a Transexual & have been since obviously knowing as a young child & started HRT when I was 16 with no family support where I had to leave home. Although I can walk around in public without people knowing I'm transexual 99% of the time I still find it hard to deal with my gender. I try explaining to my family how hard life is for me & had been since a child but they don't want to listen to my sad stories. I had to move back to my family because I fractured my ankle & being a full time casual worker I wasn't covered for compensation & couldn't afford to keep my apartment because of it. As much as I appreciate my family letting me stay they don't make me feel all that welcome which over a period of time my frustration has built up, they have told me they don't want me here but they know I have nowhere else to go until I can get back on my feet. Being in this environment is toxic & making me feel more depressed to the point where I have been drinking a lot. I know I shouldn't be mixing my medication with alcohol but If you saw the love lost with my family you would understand. We don't drink at home as we don't like drinking around children but I have snuck the odd bottle of wine in my room which makes me feel bad because I love my nephew & niece but I'm disrespecting their home & family house rules. My family except the kids make me feel unwanted, unloved & unappreciated regardless of all the helpful & kind things I do for them, my drinking has become that bad lately that I'm on a dating site where I meet up with random guys and get drunk & I don't even care because all I want is to get away from my family home.

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16 Replies 16

Thanks Geoff your such a sweety & yes you are right but I feel so lost in away I can't explain, I won't chat anymore because I'm drunk & won't make sense or think rationally but thank you for your kindness...Rayha x

Hello :)thank you for your support, It was great I never walked in with a fear factor but more of a curious 1st time attitude. Unfortunately they have decided on going into Rehab which I agreed only on when I knew exactly what I was going to walk into.I know it's for my best interest & well being & I'm looking forward to a new experience of getting myself back. After the assessment my depression, anxiety & alcohol abuse stemmed from finding hard to deal with being a transexual, abuse as a child, no support & other factors...I'm good 🙂 Rayha....Violet Eyes 

Hi Rayha, Violet Eyes,

Congratulations on your courage and determination to help yourself. Going into Rehab may be just what you need at the moment, you will be able to concentrate on yourself and not have the added pressure of feeling like the family are not helping you as much as you need right now.

I hope the staff assist you in all ways to help you understand, accept, recognise and appreciate the person you have become today, and they are able to help you let go of your past hurts.

I'm wishing you a positive new beginning where you can embrace who you are and you can move on with confidence and self esteem.

The road may be a little rocky at times, just put on your heavy duty footwear so to speak and walk over the obstacles that come your way.

For myself I have managed to return to a weekly volunteer group I am involved in, once I was there it felt so good to be a part of the group again! I had not attended for months, so I am going to try hard to get there every week now.

Thinking of you and wishing you well, cheerio for now from Mrs. Dools

dear Rayha, thanks so much for getting back to us, because it seems to be an enormous hurdle to overcome, but please don't see it as that at the moment, as all of us will help you through this.

You know there have been so many people who are just so desperate for help, to find a way out of the mess that has been caused by others, so it just enhances their problems to a degree that is unbearable, but the help that we offer to them means that they have been able to see the light once again, because that's our job and what we endeavour to do.

There has always been talk about people talking while they are drunk, and yes I have been no different, we know that alcohol is a depressive, however back in the mind of the person does lay some truth in what they have to say, sure it maybe exaggerated and go a bit overboard, but for some reason if you can decipher all the exaggeration there does lay their problem.

Rayha, it means nothing on how you feel sexually, it doesn't bother us at all, what does matter is that you have been rejected, and rejection leads to depression, and hell we all know what depression can do to us, it destroys our life, it alienates us and makes us do something that we wouldn't normally do, such as drink or perhaps go further and consider ending our life.

You now have a list of people who are right beside you, because all of us want to help you, you need support and understanding, so we're here and please we are your friends. Geoff.

 

Hi Rahya, Violet Eyes,

Just want to let you know I am thinking of you and hoping you are okay.

Kindest regards, from Mrs. Dools

dear Rahya, how are you keeping we would love to hear back from you, because you maybe struggling, and we don't want this to happen, as Mrs. Dools is concerned as well. Geoff.

Hi Rahya,

It has been some time since you have posted anything. I do so hope you are okay. Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and hoping you are safe.

From Mrs. Dools