My children won't accept my sexuality

[Rubyjazz]

I have 3 grown up children & for the last 16 yrs they won't talk to me since I've been with my girlfriend for 16 years. I'm dying inside & I don't know how to rectify the situation? I love my children with all my heart & I bought them up very well 1 is a school teacher, 1 is a dental hygienist & the other a boilermaker welder. How do I get my children back, I cry most days & even when I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer & had an operation to remove the cancer not 1 child came to see me. Will I die never seeing my children again? This is making me give up on life. I don't have friends or go out due to agoraphobia  & don't work due to illness I have no energy or life. I was currently in a mental health hospital & they have suggested ect treatment but couldn't do it as my medication would react to the ECT. I need help. 

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[white knight]

Hi Rubyjazz, welcome here.

I feel much sadness reading your post. I know a little how you feel. My youngest of two daughters doesn't have contact with me. Her mother I left 19 years ago demonised me terribly. Some mud sticks. My eldest I'm close to, is a teacher and she has zero to do with her birth mother, totally her decision. Also I don't see my mother due to her denial of BPD and manipulation issues that near ruined my and my sisters lives.

It's tough having these issues. Can I suggest, you always send a birthday card and an invite to your home? Times are changing fast and homophobia is from the minority now, it wasn't so a decade ago. So their attitudes will change if not now - eventually as their friends pick up on it and ask the question WHY?

What irritates me is those in society that are hypocritical. I mean, your children have the options in their own lives. Choices of career, sexual orientation, and the list goes on and you would accept them for being themselves but not you. I feel that this alone separates you from them.

Someone said to me 5 years ago after I decided I could not have my mother in my life "you can pick your family"....as opposed to "you cant". Since then I've made friends with a few people that are victims of crime, reached out to them for comfort. Indeed I have heaps of love in my life.

My mother ruined my first wedding (1985), nearly ruined my second wedding (2010) the latter I had to get a court ruling so she wouldn't turn up. She has split families and made life hell.

In your case you might need to work on the weakest link. The child that you know will allow you back in his/her life the easiest. Take it slow. I card her, a short note there. But in the end it might not happen. Perhaps then you can decide that "you can choose your family" by finding young people that will never take their place but are appreciative of you wonderful level of love.

We are only on this planet a short time. Waiting for some to return their love to you through no fault of yours is wasting time. There are some young people needing such love.

My mother in law is a foster mum. A good example.

Tony WK