Could I be lesbian? Or bisexual?

dragonflies · ‎08-10-2017

I wonder if I haven’t met the right person. Male or female. I don’t know how to meet people as I face depression and only stick to myself. I used to have very strong and close best friends (female) who I would talk to and confide in all the time. Now I don’t. And I really miss it. I think about both females and males. Though because I don’t do much I am not sure how I would meet anyone at all. I feel as though girls care a lot and I can be closer to them. I don’t know what I feel to be honest. I feel alone. And I feel as though I need someone. There all the time. Someone who gets me for me. And vice versa. I don’t even know where to start as I limit myself to only my family. How do I find out about this? I am very nervous too. Only a young girl.

geoff · ‎08-10-2017

hello Dragonflies. welcome and it's good to see you have posted a comment.
At the moment I'm not sure whether you should be asking that question, especially as you're only young, and I say this because it's a matter of who you want to be friends with.
Some young people only stick to the same sex because that's where they feel secure, while other people enjoy the company of both sexes, but most of them have m/female friends they want to associate with, so I maybe wrong here but it's not about your sexuality but who you can find to be friends.
I realise that some people know straight away what sex in people they like, but I'm not sure this includes you at the moment.
Just talk to both of them and as time goes by then you can decide, but remember that if someone is straight, gay or lesbian they still have friends on the opposite side, let this choice come from experience. Geoff.

Lonelydan · ‎08-10-2017

Hi Dragonflies, welcome to beyond blue, depression is a horrible thing to have I know it all to well the loneliness is unbearable. But the good news is your young and have plenty of time, you need to find your tribe your gang, where you belong and fit into. If it turns out you’re gay/bi so what!! I am so are many others. Dan..

dragonflies · ‎08-10-2017

Hi Geoff,

Thank you for your response. It made a lot of sense.

I am friends with a lot of males instead of females. I have had a hard time with female friends in that many girls can be so indirect and nasty (from my experience). I like honestly and people who are forward and direct. Hard to find when I don't meet many people. I find it hard to make a connection with anyone I suppose, even a friendship. I was hurt badly by a breakup and years later I am still scared to feel that again. I feel stupid for feeling this because I was only in my late teens at the time and things like that happen all the time. I was just confused as to why I find it hard to open up completely to a friend. Possibly because my friendships have always left me hurt and confused as to why they end and they were so intense i.e. talking non-stop always knowing what the other way doing, share everything etc.

I don't think I know either. I suppose what I am trying to say is all I would want is someone who would be completely there for me and vice versa. I don't care if they are male or female. I would be scared to open up either way but I wouldn't want to rule that out just for the sake of being straight. I suppose I am just one of those girls who is longing for the right person to knock on my door. Silly and unrealistic I know.

dragonflies · ‎08-10-2017

Hi Dan

Thank you. That is comforting to know. Sometimes I feel like I want to be alone at the same time as not wanting to be alone. Maybe I just try to convince myself of that because I am alone right now. I am young, people say there is still so much time and so much out there. Though the direction I have been steadily heading is downwards over probably the best of 6 years now. I can only feel like it will keep going in that direction. I know that I could try change but in the past it has only ever come down way harder than the last time. I just feel exhausted of trying. I sometimes feel like I'm not attracted to anyone so I am confused as to whether that meant anything more.

Lonelydan · ‎09-10-2017

Hi dragonflies, I’m so glad you responded, pressure pressure pressure, when you’re questioning your sexuality it’s so frightening you don’t know what to do opening up to friends is risky you don’t know how they will take it. It’s hard being around people when you can’t be your true self. When you say your relationships with females has always been intense is it because your around straight girls who are not responding the way you would like them to. They don’t have the same thoughts as a gay/bi girl who would respond differently. It’s good though that you have your mates and how’s your family are you in a supportive environment there? I hope so. How you sort professional help for your depression I take medication and it does help. Dan..

dragonflies · ‎09-10-2017

Hi Lonelydan, thanks for your response.

I honestly don't know who my true self is... I have shut away from everything that I don't know who I am anymore. I am very fortunate to have a loving and supportive family. Without my father and sister I would struggle immensely.

Not so much in that they don't respond in the way I would like them too I just wouldn't be able to show any kind of normal affection with anyone unless I actually had feelings for them so that I would never send the wrong message to someone. I don't know if that even makes sense... My past couple of best friends were kind of homophobic, so I would never join in with their opinions because mine weren't necessarily the same, I'd just kept my mouth shut and not get involved with their remarks. I don't have my mates anymore. When we stopped being friends it almost felt like a friendship breakup or something, for no good reason at all. Just hurt a lot. I'm not sure. Probably just confused because I have been alone for quite some time now.

I see my psychiatrist and am on a few different medications. This was very hard for me as I have always been against medication. When I look at my pill box the amount of pills I have to take makes me feel ill inside. I have noticed a difference from way back before I started. Though I don't feel fixed or anything. My thoughts and feelings are all still there ... sometimes they are just silenced a little which I suppose is a good thing. How long have you been taking medication for? Do you also talk to a therapist/psychologist ? Do you have support and friends who are there for you?

dragonflies

Just Sara · ‎11-10-2017

Hi and welcome to our caring community Dragonflies;

Your story sounds very similar to mine. I'm a bi woman in my late 50's and can appreciate the confusion and sadness you're experiencing while so young. Everyone wants that special person for comfort and company, sexual or otherwise.

Society has graduated to a place where 'the sky's the limit!'. In reality, this is absolute cog-wash! We need boundaries! We need to feel loved, valuable, secure, protected and supported; not raw and scared.

Having someone to turn to who you trust is far more important than whether they'd be a friend or lover.

We're not taught how to be self aware, protective or proud of our beautiful and innate qualities, especially sensitivity. So we have to learn to do it for ourselves Dragonfly girl.

'Look inside yourself' tends to be a phrase confronted by most as being rubbish, but it isn't. It's the only place you'll find the real 'you'. If you look outside you'll only see a reflection of yourself thru others and that's an illusion.

As for being bi-sexual, the spectrum of same-sex attraction is fluid and can change. And anyway, it's not their gender that's important, it's their ability to treat you well and be a good person. Which is what they'll look for in you right?

Of all the lessons I have to give, looking at your own behaviour is my best advice. It's how 'I' respond; what choices 'I' make; and what direction or opportunities 'I' follow that's my true power. I face adversity as best as I can, and hopefully make the right choices along the way. If I don't, well that's life. We learn as we go; forgive yourself/others and keep going.

We're inundated by marketing 'experts' who aim to con us into believing we're small and insignificant. Well that's further from the truth than they'd like to admit.

I believe our mental health issues begin with not knowing how, or are too scared, to back ourselves up because we still feel like helpless children inside. We didn't have choices back then, but we certainly do now...

I'd love to continue this dialog with you. I'm sorry your last post dropped under the radar. I truly hope you won't allow this to affect your decision to stay on BB. Please come back if you can hun. I hope I've been helpful.

Warm thoughts;

Sez