Bi folks - Double life or good balance?

[Paul]

I wonder if Bi folks, whether out or not, feel like it's a double life or whether there is a balance that has been found or whether there's just no issue.

I'm interested to learn of your experiences and how you've overcome any difficulties.

Paul

[Paul]

I heard a great analogy the other day. It describes being bi very well.

Firstly, so many people think that being bi is like an experiment or a team switch when a relationship with one sex fails. I'm sad to say that a lot of gay people especially have this view and also the view that being bi is a step in coming out as gay. These views are incorrect.

Here's a little exercise that demonstrates what being bi is so, so well.

Imagine liking women OR being gay is a pot of blue paint.

Imagine liking men OR being straight is a pot of red paint.

Now mix the pots together. The result is purple. It's a different colour. It's not gay. It's not straight. It's bi, a colour of its own. It's also the mixture of liking men and women both at the same time. Again a different colour.

I liked the analogy. I thought I would share.

Paul

[Gruffudd]

I know a practical 80 year old in Moulmein, she has a saying for situations like this, "you can't be half pregnant." She can't see why people can't accept others as they are and for all that they are. She wouldn't understand that there is any contradiction and would come out with some kind of statement about how it might make it easier to go with your heart if you like both boys and girls. I do like the older people about.

[Paul]

Ahh our wise friendly elders. I fondly listen to amazing life stories which are filled with anecdotes of acceptance and hardship and triumph.

Paul

[Gruffudd]

Hey Paul, let's tell each other about some of the bi people we have had in our lives.

I have been thinking about a boyfriend from when I was 17. Which was last century. I really liked how comfortable he was in himself, like he hadn't had to deal with the same amount of bullying (that was my guess). He had had a couple of girlfriends before and I was a first and something special, he made me feel that. There was no question that he wanted to be with his girlfriends and loved them, equally I felt the same when he was with me. He did some things that were like a straight boy, like the way he introduced me to his parents over dinner, and reassured my mother he would get me home safe again. That just made him all the more charming. He was good at soccer too, I could watch him play for hours.

[Paul]

A colleague of mine - a real sweety became good friends. Smoked together and giggled all the time. I met her family, all beautiful people. Her hubby and I chatted for ages at christmas parties etc.

A few years ago after many hints were dropped and I just didn't get it, hubby tells me he is bi. His wife knows and he remains faithful to her. He was scared of telling me and said that only his wife and I know. I felt very privileged that he would confide in me.

He's the best dad, amazing husband and really fabulous guy. I'm so glad that he and his wife are able to really know each other.

[Gruffudd]

Another friend who happens to be bi made a good point. She is invisible in our community when dating a man and still has to deal with all the same stuff we do whenever she falls in love with a woman. Neither has much to do with her as it is about her partners gender. I think it was being bi that turned her into an activist who puts her energy and passion into the struggle for all of us to have basic rights to love and live with who we chose, to have those relationships recognised as equal and to get better outcomes for our LGBTIQ kids. She is a legend.

[Paul]

She sounds like an amazing person Rob!

Paul

[Gruffudd]

I know I have a personal bias, however I have met so many amazing people who are also LGBTIQ, I think it is one of the things that make being this way worth it.