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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 223

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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AnotherOasis Am I a trans trender or really trans?
  • replies: 1

Hi y'all, So I think i'm trans but I never showed significant signs in my childhood. One of the few times i remember thinking about my gender was thinking about why i use the female bathroom if i don't feel like one. As a kid I also had some trauma r... View more

Hi y'all, So I think i'm trans but I never showed significant signs in my childhood. One of the few times i remember thinking about my gender was thinking about why i use the female bathroom if i don't feel like one. As a kid I also had some trauma relating to my father and men in general, idk if this important or not. I first heard of being transgender in 8th grade and the video seemed to describe everything about me and how i felt about my gender. I couldn't come out at school or to my parents so, online i was a guy and went by male pronouns and a male sounding name. Everything that i said kinda sounds like i am trans but from here I felt like a fake. I had come out to my parents during 9th grade and we saw a new paediatrician and my gp. On the first appointment they both said i wasn't trans because as a kid I didn't show enough signs and this was a phase to fit in at school, the all girls religious school, yeah ik. These doctors had spoken to my mother alone and me but only with my mother in the room as well. I cant stop thinking about what they said, they had only said anything to my mother and not to me, and i feel like a fake. All of my feelings are real and it causes me pain but the doctors refused to offer me any help besides social skills to fit in more with the girls. They didnt believe a word i had to say and treated me like a little kid, i was 15. What should i do? Am i a fake and creating some bs scheme to have more friends( im happy with my small group? Also how can i get help with my parents and on a tight budget? Thanks guys, Eli

Belle014 My Biological male partner identifies a s female.
  • replies: 3

Hi, My partner and I have been together for 3 years. I am 32 and he is 26. I recently told my partner that I am bisexual, but that this does not effect my loyalty or love for him in any way and that it does not mean that I will cheat or that I want t... View more

Hi, My partner and I have been together for 3 years. I am 32 and he is 26. I recently told my partner that I am bisexual, but that this does not effect my loyalty or love for him in any way and that it does not mean that I will cheat or that I want threesomes. My first intimate experience ever, was with a girl and it left me very confused for a long time as I grew up in a very religious family, and this was seen as wrong. I had told my partner about this experience ages ago and when he asked if I was Bi I denied it. But I finally came to terms with it. My partner was very understanding and said that it doesn't change anything about us. My partner then came out to me a few months later, explaining that he has always identified as female and that he (I'll call my partner she/her now), - she , thought she could hide it until I disclosed that I was Bi. My partner realised that I might love her regardless of what gender she was and she finally came out, after a few months of her being depressed and anxious- and being too scared to open up. I am completely fine with this as I will be attracted to her and still love her for who she is no matter what, but it will be an adjustment. We are both talking to Psychologists and my Psychologist actually suggested finding a community to talk to as well (hence why I am here) My partner will start HRT soon and I am excited for her. I just want to be prepared for any possibility, can anyone give me advice on what to expect from others and what I can do to help with her transition? I also want to know what the best way of coming out will be. My sister, partner and a few friends know that I am Bi, but I am the only one who knows about my partner (except for his psychologist and doctor). I think most of our friends and family will be supportive, but I also know that some of them wont be. My dad is very religious and would be sad at knowing that I don't want kids either. He actually voted against gay marriage in Australia a few years ago and it made me really sad. I am scared about what his reaction might be. Thanks for reading, I appreciate any feedback and tips Cheers! From Belle

Val_da_man Don't feel like a 'valid' trans person (trans masc)
  • replies: 6

Heavy topic. So, it's been one whole year since I've come out to my parents. Neither of them made an effort to use my pronouns or name all this time, so I've been thrown back into the hellhole that is questioning my identity. I'm not sure exactly whe... View more

Heavy topic. So, it's been one whole year since I've come out to my parents. Neither of them made an effort to use my pronouns or name all this time, so I've been thrown back into the hellhole that is questioning my identity. I'm not sure exactly when or why I realised that my body didn't match my identity. I feel pressured to say that I've always been like this, but I fit into my assigned identity 'well' when I was a child. Sure, I was very, VERY adamant on being boyish, but... I don't know anymore. All these trans people I see have a story of how long they've felt their body didn't match them, but I can't remember anything about my life and have no confirmation of this being... well, me. I want to feel like I'm me. But the constant need to validate my identity, to myself and to others, is driving me insane. It's made worse by the fact that I barely made my friends switch to a name. The pronouns are still in the trash. Even if I wanted to try out different names, see what fits, I wouldn't be able to. I've only settled for Valery because that was the first name I thought of. Even things like dysphoria confuse me. Is what I feel really dysphoria? I feel like vomiting when even thinking on the subject of my appearance, and regrettably snapped at people when they brought it up jokingly. Is that it? But I can shower fine. Sort of. I don't know. tl;dr : I feel as if my story of how I realised I was trans is not good enough and that I'm not valid. I'm pre-everything.

bug_l I don't know how to talk to my parents about therapy for my gender
  • replies: 3

I came out to my parents a bit over three months ago, and while they said they accepted me and all that they don't really call me the proper pronouns, name, etc. Of course I've tried to correct them and I brought it back up recently but nothing seems... View more

I came out to my parents a bit over three months ago, and while they said they accepted me and all that they don't really call me the proper pronouns, name, etc. Of course I've tried to correct them and I brought it back up recently but nothing seems to work. My parents (mostly my dad) continue to call me stuff like their "daughter", "good girl", or "little girl" and whenever I hear it I want to cry so I feel as if I need someone to talk to that isn't someone I have a strong connection to. I'm scared about bringing it up since they seem like they can be a bit on the transphobic side and I don't know how they'll act once I bring up therapy; I feel as if they'll ask me or many questions and it'll just be too much for me to handle. How do I ask?

Guest_3256 Parner with Gender Dysphoria/ Biplor Disorder has left me confused.
  • replies: 3

Hi. I am currently feeling highly confused and overwhelmed. My partner (m26) and I (m32) have been together for a little over 18 months. He experiences untreated Bipolar Disorder and Gender Dysphoria, which causes him a lot difficulties managing his ... View more

Hi. I am currently feeling highly confused and overwhelmed. My partner (m26) and I (m32) have been together for a little over 18 months. He experiences untreated Bipolar Disorder and Gender Dysphoria, which causes him a lot difficulties managing his emotions and heavily splicing (daily/ weekly), which has impacted our relationship quite dramatically. His main concerns are insecurities, low self-esteem, moodiness, irritable behavior and lack of trust. He did tell me just after we met, that he decided not to transition and now has brought it up saying that he wants to do it again, however, has decided to force it on me rather than sitting down and having an open and honest discussion. Because of the spicing (splitting) he is not happy with who he is and he will not accept responsibility for his abusive behavior. I have had to ask for time away from him due to the constant cheating accusations and push/pull cycle. I has literally exhausted me mentally and physically so I am now focusing on my health. I started doing some research to gain a prospective on how others have dealt with similar situations and seems that for me to do this, I will need to go through the journey with him and see a psychologist. I do love him and I'd like to see what I can do, however, I am finding it very difficult for him to understand that I cannot just flick a switch and do what he wants me to do. I too need to be involved but I just cannot get him to understand that this is not just about him transitioning to make him feel better but for me too. Has anyone experienced a partner transition, what did you do to support yourself and what were your own stories. Cheers.

Bella091 In love with girl from high school
  • replies: 3

Hello all, I hope you're well. I have never discussed this openly and honestly with anyone before, however I thought I would try this forum out. I am now twenty years old and studying a degree. I finished school about two years ago now. I have always... View more

Hello all, I hope you're well. I have never discussed this openly and honestly with anyone before, however I thought I would try this forum out. I am now twenty years old and studying a degree. I finished school about two years ago now. I have always been a perceptive and caring individual and had never questioned by sexuality until about a year and half ago. When I was in the last term or so of year 12, I began to notice a girl whom I had never noticed. I found that she had a remarkably strong effect on me and I adored seeing her and even just having her in the same room. We had never spoken to one another and I barely knew of her. I tried to speak to her on several occasions and on our last day of year 12, I had written her a letter that said how I felt and thought of her. However, the moment didn't present itself and I never gave the letter to her. Several weeks after school ended, I decided I wanted her to have the letter. So, I used the class list to find her home address and I sent her to letter in the mail. However, I didn't sign it so she would not know who it was from. I realise that this may present as unusual or even creepy however, it was meant to be a sort of 'I adore you and I think you are the most stunning person I have ever met' letter and now I am letting you go. I didn't start having sexual feelings for her until several months after year 12 where I found myself continuing to think about her. I sometimes find myself checking her instagram and social media, even though I know this to be unhealthy for me. I have continued to think about her even now and wonder where she is at in her life. I have always planned to get in contact with her however, I wanted to wait and give myself time to start study and feel a bit more settled in my life. I also wanted to have done something with my life and to have something to show for myself. She is obviously female as am I. I know her to be a quite progressive and even open minded person, however I have no idea how she would respond if I told her how deeply I cared for her and that I do sometimes think of her sexually. It has been nearly two years since I have seen her and I had planned to ask to see her towards the end of this year. Even if she doesn't want to start up a romantic relationship, I would be quite content with just being near her and enjoying her company. I should also say that in high school, she was a very popular and outgoing person while I was quiet. I want to see her but I don't know.

Aquamarine_Raine I think I may be Nonbinary, though I am still unsure
  • replies: 1

For years I have been questioning my gender. I was scared at first, so I used to convince myself that I was okay with being called a girl, though those thoughts would always return. So recently I decided to sit down and calmly think about it. I somet... View more

For years I have been questioning my gender. I was scared at first, so I used to convince myself that I was okay with being called a girl, though those thoughts would always return. So recently I decided to sit down and calmly think about it. I sometimes get uncomfortable with my chest, often wishing it was smaller so I could hide it more. I thought it was normal to not want to have breasts, though all my friends think I'm odd for wanting to get of mine sometimes. I've caught myself saying to myself "I look to much like a girl" when trying on clothes and have always hated shopping for bras because of my body figure. I used to think it was because I was self conscious of my body weight, though as I got older I think I look great and everyone else is just judgemental. But my chest and hips make me uncomfortable sometimes. I've found that calling myself a boy or girl creates the same reaction, me being unsure and feeling like something isn't completely right. I hear my family and friends call me a girl or she/her and I often get uncomfortable and unsure, though some days I'm fine with it. At first I thought it was because I am a young adult and I wasn't sure if I should be called a girl or woman (I'm 19 btw), but I don't think that's the reason. I've been taking it slow and calm and I've come a long way with it, though I thinking talking to people going through similar things will help me figure it out. I've told two friends about me questioning my gender and they have been very supportive and the fact that they are using they/them pronouns for me atm, which makes me very happy and excited! I think I am genderfluid/nonbinary, though I still have doubts, and the idea of coming out makes me scared and never want to say anything to my family/friends. I never came out as asexual (because I felt I didn't need to), but now I'm very worried about it.

Malay_in_Melbourne How do I meet other gay guys if I'm not good-looking?
  • replies: 1

I have only started to live openly as a gay man about 5 years ago. Not completely open as my family doesn't know and neither are my friends from my country of origin. Majority of the new friends (which are not that many) the past few years know, and ... View more

I have only started to live openly as a gay man about 5 years ago. Not completely open as my family doesn't know and neither are my friends from my country of origin. Majority of the new friends (which are not that many) the past few years know, and I am somewhat comfortable being myself at most times especially when I'm not in the suburbs that I know a lot of my country of origin's friends reside. I think I being a partially-closeted gay guy might be one of the reasons why I can't find any gay guys, even just for mates. although I think another big reason is my looks. I don't think I'm super ugly, might just be a bit borderline between ugly and average, but not absolutely appalling. For the last couple years I have tried building muscles to increase my chance of meeting people, but the progress have been really slow. This might be another whole topic, but I'm so confused between trying to put on weight and losing it. I started at 57kg, so really skinny and I am now at around 63/64kg. I never had abs and always feel like I got a fat belly hence the confusion between cutting and bulking thus I feel might be what hindering my progress. I have zero success on Tinder, even people that swiped right for me didn't reply my messages. I have very few success on Grindr, and even then guys don't really wanna meet up for a second time. before covid, my way of trying to find guys and not feel lonely is going to a SOP venue. I had some success, but it takes a lot of effort as i'd have to stay for hours (like at least 5 to 6 hours) to finally find someone that would be attracted to me. Also, I think the dim lighting also helped as maybe I didn't look so bad. i never went to gay clubs or bars, mainly because I don't drink, but I actually wouldnt mind going but I just dont wanna go alone and I dont have any gay friends. I've tried joining some gay workshops by a charity organisation, but even mates from there are not really in contact with me that much. my main question is, is there any other ways, especially in the time of corona where I can meet guys that might have some interests in a guy like me? TIA

brian23 I want to live stealth (FTM)
  • replies: 11

Hello, everyone. I'm a trans man. I've been hormonally transitioning for a little under 2 years, and I had top surgery (a double mastectomy) earlier this year. I have a beard, a deep voice, and am covered in body hair. I'm very happy with my body. I ... View more

Hello, everyone. I'm a trans man. I've been hormonally transitioning for a little under 2 years, and I had top surgery (a double mastectomy) earlier this year. I have a beard, a deep voice, and am covered in body hair. I'm very happy with my body. I started actively questioning my gender identity at 18 years of age, and lasted 2 more years living as a female before I knew I had to take steps to affirm my true identity. My pre-transition life was miserable, and I was constantly overwhelmed by depression and dysphoria. Now that I'm free of that, I feel absolutely euphoric within myself. I transitioned super quickly, which was a privilege that I'm endlessly grateful for. All decisions were made with the input of multiple therapists and healthcare professionals. And now I'm left with a body I adore, living the life I dreamed of when I was a child. I'm kinda tired of talking about trans stuff, though. I get exhausted being in the community. I never got to live a "normal" life, and do "normal" things, like my peers. I didn't date or have average teenage experiences, because I was too busy trying to wrangle my sense of self into being that of a cisgender girl. I want to do all those things now, but I don't know how to move on (at least temporarily) from the transgender community. I just want to live my life as an average guy. I want my transition to be part of my medical history, and nothing more. I don't actively identify as transgender, I just feel male. In terms of categorisation and history, I am transgender, and I will always be a trans man; but in my day-to-day, I'd really rather just be me. I feel obligated to be an activist, but I feel like I need some time that's just devoted to me. I don't know what it's like to be in a relationship, or to properly fall in love, or to be recognised as male by coworkers/peers without the caveat of them knowing I have a female past. There's a lot of guilting that goes on, saying that people with privilege must perform activism. But I have been (among other things) suicidal, depressed, assaulted, and harassed... I do experience aspects of privilege, but I also resent the obligation to live a certain way because of that privilege, as if I haven't suffered too. Haven't I earned a few years of peace? Why can't I just be an average dude for a while? Must I remain this pubic about my gender history forever? A recent traumatic incident, in the trans community, has caused these feelings to intensify.

Apple_king Transgender teen
  • replies: 2

I’m not sure where else to go to get help so here I am! I’m currently out an an enby person and have been receiving help from my girlfriend to work out my gender identity I’m 18 and AFAB and am growing more and more disconnected to my assigned gender... View more

I’m not sure where else to go to get help so here I am! I’m currently out an an enby person and have been receiving help from my girlfriend to work out my gender identity I’m 18 and AFAB and am growing more and more disconnected to my assigned gender at birth. Ive been in the LGBT+ community for six years or so now and I feel very foolish that it’s taken me long to realise that my ended identity might not be what I always thought it was! I’m wondering if 18 is too late to realise my gender identity ? I feel very very uncomfortable in my body and it’s really getting me down. does anyone have any advice? I’m so confused and it’s all very overwhelming! I keep reading things that people always knew as a kid and but because I’m autistic I never really showed much self reflection as a child and never really picked up any signs that other trans people seemed to go through!? Am I broken? Please help much love; Lindsay