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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 221

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

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lonelyglassesgirl Anyone else scared the pandemic will force you to move back home (or that you won't be able to)?
  • replies: 4

Hey everyone, I guess this is something I should ask on the LGBT forum. I'm a woman who's mostly attracted to women, and I'm not out at all to my conservative Christian family. Fortunately, I moved out of home as soon as I could, and have lived out o... View more

Hey everyone, I guess this is something I should ask on the LGBT forum. I'm a woman who's mostly attracted to women, and I'm not out at all to my conservative Christian family. Fortunately, I moved out of home as soon as I could, and have lived out of home for the past seven years. It's been hard for me to come to terms with my sexuality, but I think I need to accept that I'm probably a lesbian rather than "a bisexual who'll hopefully end up with a guy so it's less scary re my family". Unfortunately, the pandemic means I might have to move back home. On the one hand, I'm very grateful that I can still move back, though I honestly don't know what would happen if my parents found out. I'd probably just have to hide my sexuality and not date anyone (not that I could anyway; my parents live in the middle of nowhere and I don't drive, due to a disability) until I could move out again, which could take years. My mum is already ratcheting up the pressure for me to move home. She knows I'm atheist, and I'm scared she suspects the sexuality thing as well. She claims I should be happy I wouldn't be "out on the street" if I ran out of money, but there are honestly a lot of situations I'd rather be in than living there -- not the actual street, but like sharing a room with someone or living on a couch or something. They always mention religious stuff in front of me and then act really, really hurt if I don't engage positively, when actually it hurts me so much inside because of what that religion made me believe about myself and my sexuality for my whole teens (also the Hell stuff scared me in general, for reasons unrelated to sexuality). I know my mum believes I'm evil just for being an atheist; she has basically told me as much, and has said so much bad stuff to me about both atheists and lesbians. She acts like she's enlightened because she claims to think that non-Christian people don't actually go to Hell, but rather than their souls are obliterated when they die and their relatives forget about them. And then gets all misty-eyed and expects me to sympathise with her and how progressive she is. I just feel so hopeless. If I live with my parents, I won't be able to have a social life, let alone a romantic one, let alone a lesbian romantic one, for who knows how many years. How old will I be before I can even start living life and constructing some sort of future for myself? 28? 30? Older? I keep staying up all night crying about this.

Guest_9872 Affirming sexual orientation
  • replies: 2

One thing that really annoys me is when older women in the lesbian community tell younger women that they are not really lesbians because of some stereotypical reason like appearance. I had this experience when I was younger. I'm now 43. Coming out i... View more

One thing that really annoys me is when older women in the lesbian community tell younger women that they are not really lesbians because of some stereotypical reason like appearance. I had this experience when I was younger. I'm now 43. Coming out is not easy and there should be acceptance from within the lgbt community. That is my view.

Wasabi101346 Coping with my identity
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone. I don’t really know how to feel anymore. Ever since I came out to my friends, I’ve been treated normal and regular. But I’m extremely scared to come out to my family because I know that they won’t accept me for who I am because they’re r... View more

Hi everyone. I don’t really know how to feel anymore. Ever since I came out to my friends, I’ve been treated normal and regular. But I’m extremely scared to come out to my family because I know that they won’t accept me for who I am because they’re religious. I’m diagnosed with depression and anxiety and take medication, but I feel like ever since I came out this year (2020) my life’s been miserable and terrible.

Dont_Mind_Me I want to cut my hair
  • replies: 3

Hello everybody! I'm Don't_Mind_Me. They/Them pronouns please So basically I'm a born female, but I think I'm gender fluid. But I don't know how to tell my family this, because last time me and my family talked about gender, my mother dismissed gende... View more

Hello everybody! I'm Don't_Mind_Me. They/Them pronouns please So basically I'm a born female, but I think I'm gender fluid. But I don't know how to tell my family this, because last time me and my family talked about gender, my mother dismissed gender fluid and non binary people as "confused" and "picky" (regarding pronouns). So, now I'm even more scared to come out. It also doesn't help that I need to also come out to my family as Pansexual! Another thing on top of that, I'm in love with a lesbian, who I'm not out to and she doesn't like me back. So i know if i tell her that I'm gender fluid, it is not helping my case as to why she should give me a chance. I want to cut my hair, and where mens clothes, but i can't because I'm not out, and I don't know what to do! Any help and/or advice on gender identity and coming out would be much appreciated

Cheep_Cheep Closeted gay and workplace - should I come out?
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I'm in my thirties and working in a company I've been at for nearly 6 years. I also happen to be gay but my home life is not something I ever discuss at work. As I am climbing up the ranks, I'm wondering if it is important for me to divu... View more

Hi everyone, I'm in my thirties and working in a company I've been at for nearly 6 years. I also happen to be gay but my home life is not something I ever discuss at work. As I am climbing up the ranks, I'm wondering if it is important for me to divulge more about myself to strengthen workplace relationships and for networking? My workplace seems quite progressive with colleagues from different cultures and there is even another gay guy at work who is open. I've read news articles about gay people missing out on opportunities so I've been a bit reluctant to reveal this aspect of me. Anyone in the same boat as me? Maybe I can just stay quiet about my private life and still connect with others (at least until I'm in a sufficiently high position)? Thanks.

Jack2840 Being Gay and trapped in Religion.
  • replies: 1

Hey All. well this is a new and daunting step for me. My name is Jack and I live in far western NSW. I was bought up in a Catholic household. Attended Catholic schooling and went to single sex schools. I had and have nothing but good thoughts about m... View more

Hey All. well this is a new and daunting step for me. My name is Jack and I live in far western NSW. I was bought up in a Catholic household. Attended Catholic schooling and went to single sex schools. I had and have nothing but good thoughts about my faith. I do honestly believe in something and have just cut out “the institution” of church because honestly, their negativity against the community is unnecessary. so it’s between God and I. I can still attend mass and feel good. I do however, still feel there is a block in me to complete self acceptance. To truly believe that I am ok and loveable. I guess that little voice in my head is still there and the feeling of guilt or shame is still there because the church still preaches that it’s wrong. why is this an issue, well because I cut myself off from people, I’m terrified people will k ow and so I still “hide” in plain sight. many of my gay friends tell me to give up religion and walk away because it’s evil and hate fuelling etc and I get how they have that feeling but I don’t see or feel that so that leaves me on my own not connected to the gay community hiding in the catholic one I’ve spoken to Psychologists etc but no one really knows how to move forward does anyone know of any churches I can follow or be a part of? resources I can read I am lonely and alone and I don’t know how to move forward

Quiper Don't know who I am?
  • replies: 1

Hi, For a very long time I have struggled with my sexuality. I have always been attracted to women and have been in relationships with mainly women and the odd relationship with men (opposite sex). I have never been in love the only love I feel is fo... View more

Hi, For a very long time I have struggled with my sexuality. I have always been attracted to women and have been in relationships with mainly women and the odd relationship with men (opposite sex). I have never been in love the only love I feel is for my two young children. I have not been in a relationship for over 6 years and don't feel the need to be in one either, I struggle with intimacy which is generally what causes breakdowns when in relationships. I often think I'm asexual as intimacy is something I don't really care for but companionship is something I wish I had. The few times I thought about possibly wanting a relationship I struggle as I know the other person will want to have that intimacy which I can not give. I am feeling lost as to who I am and what I want I feel like my only description I can give to people is I'm a mum and cannot describe anything else as I have no idea who I am or what I want. I crave a companion but feel that is something I will not find.

aisaka Trying to navigate friendships with my confusing identity
  • replies: 1

I am a 20yo AMAB on the spectrum and, long story short, the newer experiences I've had in only the past few years have led me to realising more about myself and at this point I consider myself to be nonbinary, borderline ace. Amongst those experience... View more

I am a 20yo AMAB on the spectrum and, long story short, the newer experiences I've had in only the past few years have led me to realising more about myself and at this point I consider myself to be nonbinary, borderline ace. Amongst those experiences is the opportunity to make friends of a wider range of gender identities (compared to the single sex male environment of high school) and I've found that I identify more with my feminine-presenting peers. Cutting to the chase, I'm envious of the way they interact amongst each other; the platonic, openly supportive relationships I observe amongst my female friends. These are friendships I see value in building towards but as long as I am still uncomfortable with my gender expression and sense of self they all stagnate around the 'friendly acquaintances' zone. I constantly feel like there are things I can't do or say even as other people are doing literally exactly that already. I feel like part of that is my inability to actually do so confidently (deep voice, making facial expressions) and the idea that hearing it from a male would somehow come across differently just because (my form is definitely more masculine than I want it to be). I especially don't want to come across as a man trying to invade women's spaces. Particularly since I don't identify as a man to begin with nor am I sexually interested. Lockdown has only made it worse since i haven't seen any of such friends in over five months now, nor have I had a chance to experiment with self expression to reflect how I identify. Even trying to reach out to them and suggesting making a time to hang out is yet another thing I feel unconfident with. I actually thought I was getting somewhere with improving in the months leading upto lockdown but the rug got pulled out from under me so I'm back to square one it feels like. I can provide more context if needed, but basically how should I think about navigating this feeling of not fitting in and doubting my ability to do so?

Justaguy007 Going forward, uncertain.
  • replies: 10

So being a 49 year old male, always known I was gay but never wanted to accept it and fought hard to deny it. Married for 25 years to the most beautiful person in the world and have 3 incredible children who are well grown up, and am extremely proud ... View more

So being a 49 year old male, always known I was gay but never wanted to accept it and fought hard to deny it. Married for 25 years to the most beautiful person in the world and have 3 incredible children who are well grown up, and am extremely proud of. Could not give my everything to my wife from a love point of view, even though I love her and always will. Over the years became more and more distant and eventually, 6 months ago, brought it out. And we had both known for 25 years and both wanted to deny it. So moved out staying alone, feel awkward around family and just simply don’t want to see or talk to anyone. It’s weird and hurts at times. Work keeps me sane and completely immerse myself in work and love it. Don’t want anyone else to know and only a very few do. So my question is, does this ever get better, how can I stop hurting the ones I love, and what is best for the family , for them?

Happy_Hippie Whats up with my gender?
  • replies: 3

Hey everyone! lately, I've been feeling pretty weird and uncomfortable with my gender (cis woman) and I was hoping to get some advice about how to go about this. I'm not experiencing any sort of dysphoria and I don't feel as though I'm the opposite g... View more

Hey everyone! lately, I've been feeling pretty weird and uncomfortable with my gender (cis woman) and I was hoping to get some advice about how to go about this. I'm not experiencing any sort of dysphoria and I don't feel as though I'm the opposite gender. And I say lately but honestly, I've been feeling this way, or more of a watered-down version of this, since I was 15 (I'm 20 now.) For some context, I was diagnosed with BPD and Depression when I was 16 and have been in and out of hospital since then for self-harm/suicide attempts and not eating. I identify as a pansexual cis woman and have since I was 15. I'm a left-leaning communist and a pretty radical feminist, of course, I am 10000% in support of trans rights and the rights of every other gender out there. Honestly, I just feel kind of wrong about my gender, or that something is missing, I feel almost empty (in regards to my gender) like there should be something more. I often feel that my gender isn't enough or it doesn't fit me right. This is causing me to feel even more depressed than I do with my BPD and actual Depression. So what's up with this? Seeking helpful advice, Happy Hippie.