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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 223

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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Aquamarine_Raine I think I may be Nonbinary, though I am still unsure
  • replies: 1

For years I have been questioning my gender. I was scared at first, so I used to convince myself that I was okay with being called a girl, though those thoughts would always return. So recently I decided to sit down and calmly think about it. I somet... View more

For years I have been questioning my gender. I was scared at first, so I used to convince myself that I was okay with being called a girl, though those thoughts would always return. So recently I decided to sit down and calmly think about it. I sometimes get uncomfortable with my chest, often wishing it was smaller so I could hide it more. I thought it was normal to not want to have breasts, though all my friends think I'm odd for wanting to get of mine sometimes. I've caught myself saying to myself "I look to much like a girl" when trying on clothes and have always hated shopping for bras because of my body figure. I used to think it was because I was self conscious of my body weight, though as I got older I think I look great and everyone else is just judgemental. But my chest and hips make me uncomfortable sometimes. I've found that calling myself a boy or girl creates the same reaction, me being unsure and feeling like something isn't completely right. I hear my family and friends call me a girl or she/her and I often get uncomfortable and unsure, though some days I'm fine with it. At first I thought it was because I am a young adult and I wasn't sure if I should be called a girl or woman (I'm 19 btw), but I don't think that's the reason. I've been taking it slow and calm and I've come a long way with it, though I thinking talking to people going through similar things will help me figure it out. I've told two friends about me questioning my gender and they have been very supportive and the fact that they are using they/them pronouns for me atm, which makes me very happy and excited! I think I am genderfluid/nonbinary, though I still have doubts, and the idea of coming out makes me scared and never want to say anything to my family/friends. I never came out as asexual (because I felt I didn't need to), but now I'm very worried about it.

Malay_in_Melbourne How do I meet other gay guys if I'm not good-looking?
  • replies: 1

I have only started to live openly as a gay man about 5 years ago. Not completely open as my family doesn't know and neither are my friends from my country of origin. Majority of the new friends (which are not that many) the past few years know, and ... View more

I have only started to live openly as a gay man about 5 years ago. Not completely open as my family doesn't know and neither are my friends from my country of origin. Majority of the new friends (which are not that many) the past few years know, and I am somewhat comfortable being myself at most times especially when I'm not in the suburbs that I know a lot of my country of origin's friends reside. I think I being a partially-closeted gay guy might be one of the reasons why I can't find any gay guys, even just for mates. although I think another big reason is my looks. I don't think I'm super ugly, might just be a bit borderline between ugly and average, but not absolutely appalling. For the last couple years I have tried building muscles to increase my chance of meeting people, but the progress have been really slow. This might be another whole topic, but I'm so confused between trying to put on weight and losing it. I started at 57kg, so really skinny and I am now at around 63/64kg. I never had abs and always feel like I got a fat belly hence the confusion between cutting and bulking thus I feel might be what hindering my progress. I have zero success on Tinder, even people that swiped right for me didn't reply my messages. I have very few success on Grindr, and even then guys don't really wanna meet up for a second time. before covid, my way of trying to find guys and not feel lonely is going to a SOP venue. I had some success, but it takes a lot of effort as i'd have to stay for hours (like at least 5 to 6 hours) to finally find someone that would be attracted to me. Also, I think the dim lighting also helped as maybe I didn't look so bad. i never went to gay clubs or bars, mainly because I don't drink, but I actually wouldnt mind going but I just dont wanna go alone and I dont have any gay friends. I've tried joining some gay workshops by a charity organisation, but even mates from there are not really in contact with me that much. my main question is, is there any other ways, especially in the time of corona where I can meet guys that might have some interests in a guy like me? TIA

brian23 I want to live stealth (FTM)
  • replies: 11

Hello, everyone. I'm a trans man. I've been hormonally transitioning for a little under 2 years, and I had top surgery (a double mastectomy) earlier this year. I have a beard, a deep voice, and am covered in body hair. I'm very happy with my body. I ... View more

Hello, everyone. I'm a trans man. I've been hormonally transitioning for a little under 2 years, and I had top surgery (a double mastectomy) earlier this year. I have a beard, a deep voice, and am covered in body hair. I'm very happy with my body. I started actively questioning my gender identity at 18 years of age, and lasted 2 more years living as a female before I knew I had to take steps to affirm my true identity. My pre-transition life was miserable, and I was constantly overwhelmed by depression and dysphoria. Now that I'm free of that, I feel absolutely euphoric within myself. I transitioned super quickly, which was a privilege that I'm endlessly grateful for. All decisions were made with the input of multiple therapists and healthcare professionals. And now I'm left with a body I adore, living the life I dreamed of when I was a child. I'm kinda tired of talking about trans stuff, though. I get exhausted being in the community. I never got to live a "normal" life, and do "normal" things, like my peers. I didn't date or have average teenage experiences, because I was too busy trying to wrangle my sense of self into being that of a cisgender girl. I want to do all those things now, but I don't know how to move on (at least temporarily) from the transgender community. I just want to live my life as an average guy. I want my transition to be part of my medical history, and nothing more. I don't actively identify as transgender, I just feel male. In terms of categorisation and history, I am transgender, and I will always be a trans man; but in my day-to-day, I'd really rather just be me. I feel obligated to be an activist, but I feel like I need some time that's just devoted to me. I don't know what it's like to be in a relationship, or to properly fall in love, or to be recognised as male by coworkers/peers without the caveat of them knowing I have a female past. There's a lot of guilting that goes on, saying that people with privilege must perform activism. But I have been (among other things) suicidal, depressed, assaulted, and harassed... I do experience aspects of privilege, but I also resent the obligation to live a certain way because of that privilege, as if I haven't suffered too. Haven't I earned a few years of peace? Why can't I just be an average dude for a while? Must I remain this pubic about my gender history forever? A recent traumatic incident, in the trans community, has caused these feelings to intensify.

Apple_king Transgender teen
  • replies: 2

I’m not sure where else to go to get help so here I am! I’m currently out an an enby person and have been receiving help from my girlfriend to work out my gender identity I’m 18 and AFAB and am growing more and more disconnected to my assigned gender... View more

I’m not sure where else to go to get help so here I am! I’m currently out an an enby person and have been receiving help from my girlfriend to work out my gender identity I’m 18 and AFAB and am growing more and more disconnected to my assigned gender at birth. Ive been in the LGBT+ community for six years or so now and I feel very foolish that it’s taken me long to realise that my ended identity might not be what I always thought it was! I’m wondering if 18 is too late to realise my gender identity ? I feel very very uncomfortable in my body and it’s really getting me down. does anyone have any advice? I’m so confused and it’s all very overwhelming! I keep reading things that people always knew as a kid and but because I’m autistic I never really showed much self reflection as a child and never really picked up any signs that other trans people seemed to go through!? Am I broken? Please help much love; Lindsay

jasminskye am i NB?? what do i do?
  • replies: 3

Hi! this is the first i've ever really spoken about this. I've always never liked being female, but I figured it was because of the inequality, dismissal and deeply engrained misogyny. But lately, I'm not so sure. I dont think i particularly like bei... View more

Hi! this is the first i've ever really spoken about this. I've always never liked being female, but I figured it was because of the inequality, dismissal and deeply engrained misogyny. But lately, I'm not so sure. I dont think i particularly like being female, but I definitely do not want to be male at this time. Some days i am happy with my gender, but most days i want to be nothing. i feel like NB or even gender-fluid suits me, but i dont know how to go about it. my family wouldnt except me, either which makes it hard. I feel like i am too female (at the moment) to be anything else. Im also scared that this might be a phase??? Where do i go? how do i figure this out? i just want to be comfortable with myself. Any advice or anecdotes of how you came to any realisations/felt comfortable & confident would really really help, this is so new and i am very lost. thanks

SH-2600 Female in a hetero marriage, asexual and in love with same sex friend
  • replies: 195

I need to talk and get this all out of my head. I have been in a hetero relationship for 29 years and have known nothing else. I loved my husband but have never been in love. I have always thought of myself as being close to asexual, but strongly fel... View more

I need to talk and get this all out of my head. I have been in a hetero relationship for 29 years and have known nothing else. I loved my husband but have never been in love. I have always thought of myself as being close to asexual, but strongly felt that this was something I needed to fix, that “normal” people want to have sex. I require a close intimate emotional connection to even consider physical/sexual intimacy. My husband and I have always managed this quite well, and although our relationship is not as conventional as some, we definitely had a good close partnership up until the last 2-3 years. We have 2 children in their late teens. This year, things seem to have shifted a lot. We have drifted from each other a bit and our friendship that underpinned our relationship has started to erode. He is struggling with work, life, sense of purpose and says he is unhappy and lonely. Adding to this, I am now questioning my sexual identity again. There is a woman who is the only woman I have ever had romantic thoughts about. She has been in and out of my life over the years, for a range of reasons to do with both of us, mental health issues, distance, readiness for emotional intimacy etc. this year however, after the death of a very close friend of mine, she has come back into my life and we have grown incredibly close. We saw each other recently for the first time in 6 years. We are both now ready for an emotionally intimate friendship and we spent 3 days together talking and getting closer. I am in love with her. She loves me very deeply but it is entirely platonic from her perspective. She is married to a man who has taken a significant amount of her mental health from her and from her kids, but she loves him and will never leave him. She seems to have flicked a switch in me and I know for sure that I want to be with her, but that is not something that will ever happen. I also have my primary relationship with my husband that is falling apart. I am feeling overwhelmed since coming home from the time with my friend, everything is so pale in comparison to being with her. Rightly though, she has switched her focus back to her life, and I am finding that incredibly difficult. I am also wondering if this year is a year for any big decisions because it has been a shocker on all levels. I am afraid to run from the life that my husband and I have built and I am afraid of continuing to deny myself and who I am. I am struggling. SH

Fandom_Royalty Pan? Bi? Enby? Genderfluid? Which term for me?
  • replies: 2

Hello everybody! I am Fandom_Royalty and i'm kind of new here but I would like to ask for your help and to see if any other amazing people out their can relate. So where to start. I was born female, that I know, and for just over a year now I have kn... View more

Hello everybody! I am Fandom_Royalty and i'm kind of new here but I would like to ask for your help and to see if any other amazing people out their can relate. So where to start. I was born female, that I know, and for just over a year now I have known that I am Pansexual and am attracted to people regardless of what gender they identify as, but for a little while now I have struggled with my gender and how that relates to me. It is very hard to put into words but I feel as if my gender and how I perceive it is constantly fluid. I also feel as if my gender at times belongs outside the gender binary of male and female. But I don't know where I stand or the best word to describe me. I recognise that at some times I feel comfortable with the gender I was assigned at birth but at other times it doesn't feel right. I have tried using words and terms to describe me, like Gender-fluid and Non-binary but I am still not sure. When I think of myself, those words make sense but I feel as if I can't see or hear those words being used in my life. It may be because I am not out to close family and I am only out to a few close friends, but I don't know if my family will ever call me by my true name or my real pronouns because they will never see me like that. Right now, to the friends who know and understand, I am going by River and non-binary (they/them and she/her pronouns), and I am taking it day by day. Thanks to whoever got to the end of this and I that you all have an amazing day/evening/night and that you all know how beautiful/handsome and brave you all are.

Scottish-Parrot_Jaimie How do I see a gender therapist?
  • replies: 1

Hey ya'll! I've found myself experiencing some intense gender confusion lately. Its always been quite present, and about six years ago I allowed myself to experiment a bit with it but due to a combination of bad experiences, feelings of fear regardin... View more

Hey ya'll! I've found myself experiencing some intense gender confusion lately. Its always been quite present, and about six years ago I allowed myself to experiment a bit with it but due to a combination of bad experiences, feelings of fear regarding my family and friend relationships, genuinely looking at myself and feeling doubt that I could ever be seen how I want to be seen and just general confusion about whether or not I was trans lead to me basically repressing these feelings and just avoid thinking about it too much. Recently though, now about to turn 27, I've had these feelings come back and hit me hard. I'm not sure what triggered this (if it even was a single thing) but I've been doing a lot of research and through this I've learned that I should probably speak to a gender therapist. How do I find one of these? Do I need a GP referral? Will it cost money without a referral? Will it cost money regardless? Does all this depend on where I live? (its the Canberra region just fyi) I do already speak to a psychologist (yes, to anyone who read my first ever post on here, this is the one I have a massive crush on) and I've brought this up with her. She was helpful, thoughtful and respectful and the main take away from our discussion was that its never too late to transition (I was worried I was getting too old), that I should take my time, and that experimenting with my gender identity and expression whenever its safe to do so is always a good idea. I certainly find that helpful and I imagine by continuing to speak to her about this (along with my myriad of other issues) will continue to be helpful, however I know that what she can offer me with this particular thing is limited and that I will benefit from speaking specifically to a gender therapist, especially if hormones and surgeries are things I'm going to need access to if and when I've figured out they're right for me. Anyway, if anyone can answer my questions or offer me any other words of wisdom, it would be much appreciated! Thank you!

Guest_9872 Combination of lesbian & Aspergers
  • replies: 5

I am 43 and have recently been diagnosed with what is now called autism level 1 and used to be called Aspergers, which is still my preferred name for it. I am also a lesbian. And I am an ultra introvert (ISTJ in the Myers Briggs classifications), not... View more

I am 43 and have recently been diagnosed with what is now called autism level 1 and used to be called Aspergers, which is still my preferred name for it. I am also a lesbian. And I am an ultra introvert (ISTJ in the Myers Briggs classifications), not good at meeting new people in social situations. I feel very isolated because I have not been able to find a girlfriend or even establish friendships with other lesbians. I made a genuine effort when I was in my 20s and then gave up for about 15 years. I didn't know I had Aspergers, which has been a big factor. I now want to make another genuine effort, with the benefit of life experience in general and knowing I have Aspergers specifically. I have chosen to reach out to a gay & lesbian affirming church and directly ask to be introduced to another lesbian around my age who can be my friend and help a bit with meeting people. I just need to feel like I am included in the lesbian world. People say I am attractive; and I am intelligent; and I think I am a reasonable person. I do not have any physical disabilities including the sensory issues sometimes associated with Aspergers - I am just an eccentric introvert who can be hyper-focused on special interests (currently environmental issues). I hope that I will be able to find someone to help me, either through the church or some other context.

lonelyglassesgirl Anyone else scared the pandemic will force you to move back home (or that you won't be able to)?
  • replies: 4

Hey everyone, I guess this is something I should ask on the LGBT forum. I'm a woman who's mostly attracted to women, and I'm not out at all to my conservative Christian family. Fortunately, I moved out of home as soon as I could, and have lived out o... View more

Hey everyone, I guess this is something I should ask on the LGBT forum. I'm a woman who's mostly attracted to women, and I'm not out at all to my conservative Christian family. Fortunately, I moved out of home as soon as I could, and have lived out of home for the past seven years. It's been hard for me to come to terms with my sexuality, but I think I need to accept that I'm probably a lesbian rather than "a bisexual who'll hopefully end up with a guy so it's less scary re my family". Unfortunately, the pandemic means I might have to move back home. On the one hand, I'm very grateful that I can still move back, though I honestly don't know what would happen if my parents found out. I'd probably just have to hide my sexuality and not date anyone (not that I could anyway; my parents live in the middle of nowhere and I don't drive, due to a disability) until I could move out again, which could take years. My mum is already ratcheting up the pressure for me to move home. She knows I'm atheist, and I'm scared she suspects the sexuality thing as well. She claims I should be happy I wouldn't be "out on the street" if I ran out of money, but there are honestly a lot of situations I'd rather be in than living there -- not the actual street, but like sharing a room with someone or living on a couch or something. They always mention religious stuff in front of me and then act really, really hurt if I don't engage positively, when actually it hurts me so much inside because of what that religion made me believe about myself and my sexuality for my whole teens (also the Hell stuff scared me in general, for reasons unrelated to sexuality). I know my mum believes I'm evil just for being an atheist; she has basically told me as much, and has said so much bad stuff to me about both atheists and lesbians. She acts like she's enlightened because she claims to think that non-Christian people don't actually go to Hell, but rather than their souls are obliterated when they die and their relatives forget about them. And then gets all misty-eyed and expects me to sympathise with her and how progressive she is. I just feel so hopeless. If I live with my parents, I won't be able to have a social life, let alone a romantic one, let alone a lesbian romantic one, for who knows how many years. How old will I be before I can even start living life and constructing some sort of future for myself? 28? 30? Older? I keep staying up all night crying about this.