In love with girl from high school

[Bella091]

Hello all,

I hope you're well. I have never discussed this openly and honestly with anyone before, however I thought I would try this forum out. I am now twenty years old and studying a degree. I finished school about two years ago now. I have always been a perceptive and caring individual and had never questioned by sexuality until about a year and half ago. When I was in the last term or so of year 12, I began to notice a girl whom I had never noticed. I found that she had a remarkably strong effect on me and I adored seeing her and even just having her in the same room. We had never spoken to one another and I barely knew of her. I tried to speak to her on several occasions and on our last day of year 12, I had written her a letter that said how I felt and thought of her. However, the moment didn't present itself and I never gave the letter to her. Several weeks after school ended, I decided I wanted her to have the letter. So, I used the class list to find her home address and I sent her to letter in the mail. However, I didn't sign it so she would not know who it was from. I realise that this may present as unusual or even creepy however, it was meant to be a sort of 'I adore you and I think you are the most stunning person I have ever met' letter and now I am letting you go. I didn't start having sexual feelings for her until several months after year 12 where I found myself continuing to think about her. I sometimes find myself checking her instagram and social media, even though I know this to be unhealthy for me. I have continued to think about her even now and wonder where she is at in her life. I have always planned to get in contact with her however, I wanted to wait and give myself time to start study and feel a bit more settled in my life. I also wanted to have done something with my life and to have something to show for myself. She is obviously female as am I. I know her to be a quite progressive and even open minded person, however I have no idea how she would respond if I told her how deeply I cared for her and that I do sometimes think of her sexually. It has been nearly two years since I have seen her and I had planned to ask to see her towards the end of this year. Even if she doesn't want to start up a romantic relationship, I would be quite content with just being near her and enjoying her company. I should also say that in high school, she was a very popular and outgoing person while I was quiet. I want to see her but I don't know.

[tranzcrybe]

Hi Bella,

Welcome to the bb forums where you can freely find support without judgment.

From your post, it sounds as though you have never actually spoken to this girl or formally made your presence known. Notwithstanding social media, do you feel that you have a true understanding of who she is without any personal contact?

In the past 2 years, your feelings have grown for a girl who has neither instigated nor reciprocated such feelings. This should not dissuade you from making contact, but I would be concerned for your feelings if you carry any expectation in the process.

What are your views on this?

Regards,

t.

[Bella091]

Hello t.,

I am a little elated that someone actually replied. Thank you for writing. This is something that has caused me much anxiety and really feel I needed to talk to someone about it. Yes, it sounds a little ridiculous that my feelings have managed to grow for her over the past 2 years. However, it is not entirely true to that we have never spoken. There were several occasions where we interacted and my year group at school was also quite small so we all sort of knew of each other to some extent. There was one time where she commented on how lovely and delicate some of my art works were for a subject. There was also one occasion where I had just won a school award and she came up and congratulated me. During a final graduation dinner, I commented to her mother how stunning I thought her daughter was and I do believe her mum may have mentioned it to her. I did have a strong sense that we were both very aware of each other and shared a certain unspoken sense of attraction or even admiration. On the final day of school, we hugged and I cried in her arms before she pulled away. So, we did have a few interactions in passing. I realise that it probably sounds absurd that I feel that I could know someone from this and I don't believe I know her fully. However, I will say that I have thought intensely about her life and what is evidently important to her and how she thinks and feels and what she values. And I do believe that this may be a start to knowing something about a person. We did also go to school together for 2 years and had one class together so we did have a little interaction. I do believe that there was something there between us and I can't shake how much I adore her. But, earlier on when I first started feeling this way, it made me quite depressed and confused. To some extent, I feel as though maybe what I should do is ask to see her and not necessarily tell her how I feel but just see what I feel when I see her and spend a little time with her.

[tranzcrybe]

Hi Bella,

"what I should do is ask to see her and not necessarily tell her how I feel"

- Good thinking. Never be ashamed of your feelings, but do show consideration for how others may react.

She may see you as a bit of a stranger at first, and people can change a lot in these years so nothing is assured.

Simply catching up may be a good place to start. Tread warily, Bella, and I wish you every success.

Let me know how you are going if you ever need to talk it through.

Regards,

t.