Accelting myself as a Gay man

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Hi there,

my name is Mike! Hope you're all well 🙂

i came out to my parents about 3 years ago

now and I've been up and down with my emotions ever since. It wasn't the easiest thing to do and I don't imagine it is easy on anyone else. I'm currently suffering from anxiety and am going to see a lady from Headspace in Fremantle to discuss things with her. I also have my wonderful family and I'm actually great friends with my ex boyfriend.

he has supported me immensely throughout my ordeal and still does to this day but unfortunately it didn't work out between us. Having been in a relationship with him and going through all the same emotions as any hetro couple, I realize that love knows no gender. Two males or two females can still love each other, support each other and take care of each other like any other couple out there.

The reason it didn't work out with my and my ex is because for a couple of reasons;

he was much younger than me and even though we cared for each other, our conversation skills weren't that good.

has anybody else been through this and would like to share their opinion. I'm in the mind frame at the moment that I want to be back with him but I don't know if it's the right thing to do.

thankyou 

[Eleda]

Hi Mike, 

can I just say that I am a female so I haven't been in your situation before, but I don't believe that a hetero relationship is different from a homosexual relationship, so my advice is still relevant 🙂

I know from my past relationships, that after a break up we always like to dwell and remember the good times but we never seem to recall the bad times as easily. By dwelling on the good times of one relationship, I lost a whole year and half trying to recover because I just wouldn't let the 'good' memories go. When in reality, that relationship was very unhappy and gave me a lot of anxiety. However your case may be different, how long has it been since the breakup? Is it possible that you both have matured and grown up a bit more, therefore having better communication skills?

In a relationship it's really easy to lose that communication, so if that was the only thing holding your love back it may be worth a second try. I am a very strong believer in second chances, I have had some good second chances and some bad. Was there any other factors that May have hindered your relationship in the first place? Is he in the same mind about trying to rekindle your relationship?

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Hi Eleda,

 thank you so much for replying to me!

its been about 3 or 4 months. Before this breakup we took a week break with no contact to see if it made things better. Things were better for a while

until the same thing came up again. It's always been the conversation factor. Everything else was great. We were both unmotivated with work and what we wanted to do with our lives so maybe that played a part as well. 

The truth is that I didn't feel as strongly towards him as he did towards me. I tried and tried but couldn't get there. Maybe there was something holding me back, something to do with my anxiety or maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

hes since been on a date and I'm hurting from that

[Eleda]

Hi mike, no problems at all 🙂 

 I definitely would think the motivation of the both of you played a significant  part in the break down of your relationship. It probably seemed like you had nothing to talk about a lot of the time? I can say I've definitely been in that situation before, where it's like oh wait we have nothing to talk about ... Again! Thats probably why the break was so good for your relationship, because it gave you space from each other and therefore something more to talk about. 

To be honest with you Mike, I think you already know what you want, well your mind does. However the heart, they say, can confuse our minds and the choices we want to make. You already know that you couldn't feel as strongly about this partner, compared to how he felt about you. It's just a part of you wants to hold onto that affection you know he onc gave you? Is that where your coming from? I'm trying to draw from my past experiences (I've been in the exact same position 2years ago) 

[Paul]

Hey Mike,

Sorry that you're hurting at the moment. I know it's not easy when it comes to ending relationships. Hugs.

I'm with Eleda about head and heart. Heart says "Yes!" Head says "Noooo!" Heart wins 😞 Then the tug of war happens. It aggravates anxiety, has us feeling exhausted and confused. Grrr.

You said that conversational stimulation is important to you in a relationship and that the relationship is over and you don't think you felt as strongly towards him as he did to you but it still hurt when he went on a date with someone else. I wonder if you are feeling grief. It's natural to feel grief after the end of a relationship for many reasons - it's a reaction to the loss of something.

There's a section on the Beyond Blue website at the top of the page "The Facts" then "Grief and Loss". The info might help in understanding what's happening emotionally.

There's a GLBTI forum (called sexuality and gender identity) on here if you'd like to post there too. If you visit you may see that some of us there have a rainbow bus - it just means we're part of the GLBTIQ community as well, however as Eleda said, whether hetero or homo relationships are very similar.

Take care Mike, stay in touch and let us know how things are going.

Paul x