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we love each other, but I miserable in our marriag,

Community Member

My husband has so much stress in his life... money, work issues, my unbearable mother who also causes me stress, and one of our children has special needs which does causes us stress; from worry and testing our limits with difficult behaviour etc. I deal with stress by talking it out, doing things for me but my husband, he bottles it in. He then explodes, treats me like crap, yells, swears (even at the kids), gets angry very quickly and often over unrealistic situations. Example gets angry over our 3 yo spilling food on floor... she is 3 and doesn't need to be yelled at, mistakes happen, but he is so quick to yell over everything. It is to the point that I've told him about his anger and how it is causing stress in myself and the kids. He says he will get help, but nothing happens. I'm miserable in my marriage. I love him but i feel so alone, scared, and helpless. I don't know how to help him and all I want to do is have the man I love back. I want my kids to not be in this situation, my son with special needs, needs patience and support and he must feel he is treading on egg shells around his dad. His life is difficult already and he is only 10. My 3 yo is showing emotional stress and has started to show sign through wetting her knickers etc. I dont believe it is due to a physical problem (muscle issue like pelvic floor etc) but im looking into it just in case. My confidence and self esteem is so shot at the moment, I'm even being paranoid that he doesn't love me. Yesterday was a first when he belittled me in front of a work mate of his. He humiliated me. I left crying and he hasn't apologised and probably won't. he never does when he hurts me. This issues at work makes him so passionate and obsessed about the going on with the stress and drama ( which is often discussed via FB,. He is continually on FB. Everytime I turn around, he is on his phone. Even at family times or even when he gets home from work and stays in his car, FBing before he gets inside. I say to him to drop FB and move away from work drama so he can focus on family and his anger issues, but he just cant help it, he is obsessed even though he agrees and sees it as an issue. Where do I go from here, what do I do? I'm also a mum of a young baby and so I'm feeling strung out and feel so alone.

1 Reply 1

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
Hello AllAlone81, can I welcome you to the forum and in saying that I'm very sorry for the situation you are in.

By saying 'I will get help' isn't the answer here until he actually wants and goes about doing it.

Procrastination won't help him, nor your kids, any friends or yourself and he certainly doesn't have any right to belittle you in front of his workmates.

If you don't believe his anger was justified towards you then there maybe problems, and remember anger cannot make the pain disappear, it only distracts him, but it doesn't resolve or address these issues.

You have offered him some good advice which he hasn't adhered to, and that's the problem.

Facebook, even though he is obsessed, needs to be deleted, however, he is talking with someone and that's another concern.

You're a caring mum and want him to get help, but he is the only person who can decide if and when this will happen.

Can I suggest that you please book an appointment with your doctor, but also can you get back to us, because there is more to comment on.

My Best.