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Superficial Friendships, No Intimacy

Community Member

Hello everyone, 

I'm new here. 

I'm just having trouble with my social life and feel like the people in my life only really talk to me when they need something from me. I feel like everything is more like a social contract or transaction like, you do this for me and I'll do this for you and I find myself yearning for closer and deeper relationships. What can I do? Any suggestions? 

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear PositiveLyfe, I don't think that your username suits the way you feel, however it's always good to feel positive, but there are times in our life when this can't be so, because we feel let down by the people we thought were are friends, but in actual fact aren't.

There is so much in your post that indicates that you are suffering from anxiety, which could lead to depression, and we don't want this to happen to you, because it's just like being in hell, so we want to understand your circumstances and the predicament you are facing.

I am just wondering whether someone in your life has let you down, and now feel as though you are left out.

If your 'friends' only want to do something for you and in return you do something for you, these people are only acquaintances, because true friends stick by you and will do anything they can to help you, there are no boundaries, nothing they can do is an effort, they want to help you, just as you would for them.

To be associated with this group should only be your choice, but to find a true group of friends, then you should maybe put this other group aside, and find some people who will be your friends, where there is no I'll scratch your back if you scratch my back.

True friends will help you out so you feel as though you do this for me then I want to do something for you, but this is totally different to how the other group behaves, because they will never support you when you need them.

True friends are connected and will always support you, and where the both of you can talk about issues either in a jovial way or serious way. Geoff.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Welcome to the forum. 

I totally understand how you feel. I have lots of people I know, but like Geoff said, theses are acquaintances. If they are not there for you, that's not a true friend. As they always say, you always find out who your real friends are when your life faces difficulties. 

I think we go through stages of friendships. When you're young, it seems important to have a lot of friends, and you tend to ignore the negative traits of a person because you have fun with them etc. As you get older, you obviously start to face difficulties or changes in your life, and you realise you want more from your friendships. That you want and NEED friends who will be there for you through thick and thin. You don't need a lot of these friends, you just need a couple who've always got your back. As you get older, friendships can drift apart as we grow as people, too. But there is no rule that you can't make new friends, or that you have to keep the old ones. So many people are self-centred and just use the friendship, but there's also a lot of us out there who would do anything for our friends.