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Step parent support - dealing with a high conflict birth mum

Community Member

Hi all,

i am a step mum to a beautiful 5 yr old boy. My husband is a step dad to my 7 year old and we have 2 children together girls (1 & 3).

Im dealing with a high conflict birth mum, normally when conflict arises I'm able to push through but I'm feeling so down lately like I can't deal and just want to walk away from everything because it's all too much.

Our sons both had a incident recently where they have discovered there "bits" they touched each other's because they thought it was funny. We have talked to my son about it and educated him on how it is private parts and taken the right steps to support him but let him know it's not okay.

Birth mother has now taken our step son off us as we had 50/50 care, accusing my son of being a molester, and now my husband is struggling not seeing his son until mediation begins. Regardless of what we do, she is never happy with our parenting, the kids are well looked after, disciplined properly and are cared for how children should be. We have happy and healthy kids.

I feel like I can't get through this, she wants my husband to just be alone and have his son, so I feel like it's me and my son who are holding him back from that and I can't deal.

Is there anyone who has been through this before? We don't have the money to fight in court and frankly we don't even have the energy to either. It's just a never ending battle and all we want is what's best for our step son. 😞

2 Replies 2

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Jana, I have not ever been through what you are going through but I will try and assist.

When this happens, I think that there is not a whole lot you can do. You can only control the controllables. You cannot control what is not within your control and the birth mother is not in your control. She is quite clearly playing games and displaying quite childish behaviour.

As you quite correctly point out, you could be the world's best parents and she would still find an issue somewhere to point out, regardless if she is right or wrong.

I encourage you to have a good chat to your partner and agree that you are going to continue showing a united front. If she is trying to divide and conquor you, do not let her. I appreciate that you are tired of it but if you can just worry about you and your partner, hopefully she will see that you are together, united and stop her antics.

Your step son will eventually see you two as loving and caring and gravitate towards you. It will be well worth the strength it will take to get through this.

As I said, I havnet been through this so hopefully what I have written has helped in some small way. More than happy to continue posting if you have any questions.


white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi and welcome

Totally agree with Markjt.So I wont repeat that.

If possible get an appointment with a family court solicitor. It might be that the first appointment is free and basic court applications are minimal cost.

If she objects to say fortnightly access she'd have to produce reason and her reason is frivolous and stupid.

Ive dealt with this evil myself. When my daughter reached 12yo she came to live with me as she was treated poorly as I was.

So karma happens. Mark is right, your strength is in unification and true love.

Worry only produces ulcers but your husband's grief needs your care and support.

I know the heartache. Hold your head high.

Tony WK