Sick of Dad's Put Down Comments

[adamc]

I'm 37 and over the years I have had to put up with my dad's put down comments or his"This is what you do and this is how you do it" attitude.

At my Year 12 graduation he told me "Now, when you collect your certificate, you take it with your left hand and shake the hand of the teacher with your right."

The other week, I applied for the Defence Force and when I had a group video conference where people got to ask questions, I asked one question but the one I should've asked was since they see people coming through with differing personalities like outgoing and who makes friends easily but what about those who are naturally shy and quiet like me. Dad told me "Oh no, don't tell them that. They only want to take people who ARE outgoing and makes friends easily. They won't want people who are shy." So Dad is telling me to lie to them and be someone I'm not.

And then just the other day I was helping Dad shift some things around in the shed and after carrying something heavy, I was trying to get the proper hold when he said "You better go get yourself some gloves. Don't want you hurting your little fingers."

[adamc]

My younger sister had suggested moving away would make me feel better but mum and dad have never given me confidence to act on what I want.

Being told not to get angry, to just accept things the way they are because there's nothing I can do about it, to stop complaining about everything because as my mum once said "Only children complain". I hate it. It's because of that I couldn't speak up and express my concerns about my beloved dog and get people to act on them.

My Dad said to me the other day "I suppose you agree with all of those anti-lockdown protestors do you?" and when I said I understand that they have a right to be angry as they are continually being punished for what they didn't even cause and getting punished for when they don;t comply with that punishment and he said "No, they don't have the right."

It's like many years ago when I was 20 and going to see a movie with a friend, she called the home and deliberately cut my sister off the internet - minor compared to what my sister used to do to her- and because of that I was banned from using the Internet and Foxtel at home. dad said how long it would last would depend on how I behaved. I WAS 20!!!!

The ban lasted 6 months. I was furious, angry and protesting because I never did anything wrong to warrant it.

[Guest_1643]

hey adamc

i'm sorry your dad speaks to you like that. I personally would find that very hurtful and unsettling to have little put-downs constantly over really nothing. Being shy is beautiful and it's petty of him to amplify that as if its some major issue - it's not. we're all shy at times.

I'm a little bit worried about you to be honest, reading your thread. In particular when you wrote :

I haven't told my family but if I get accepted, they'll never see me again. Life has become crappy for me and when soldiers go on leave, I'll stay behind. I won't even answer any letters; not that I'll get any anyway.

I totally understand that desire - to cut and run with ur family. It's fair enough completely. I support you. I've done the same. The only thing is it can sometimes cause a lot of emotional pain - to sort of put yourself in the situation where yu cannot contact them if you wanted to even - maybe start now - block their number or create boundaries and ease into it - so when you do part ways it won't hurt you as much. main worry here is you. Don't know why it's so hard to cut off from parents - it should be easy but from my personal experience which is just one person, it takes a few gos.

[white knight]

Yes Sleepy, it's a tough love removing parents from your life- but parents can be cruel or domineering.

Your fathers political views is no issue. After all he's entitled to them. It's his manner of how he addresses you that is unacceptable.

You mother also talks down to you.

There is one thing you can try.

Google

Beyondblue topic wit, the only answer to torment

Read that the consider this...when your mother said "only children complain" you could reply "if you see me as a child then you have the problem not me...Its your choice how you view me"

Or "Im not here to prove I'm an adult, I know I am"

Have a read

TonyWK