Jail of a ex partner

Beverly · ‎08-11-2020

I recently found out my ex is in custody. He had many breaches against me. We share a child together our only child. It is hard to let go. I was so in love with him and he with me but he was narcissistic in his ways with drugs. Now everyday I live with fear and if he is to get out. Over the years the blame and shame I was made to feel for his decisions. I am a very torn up person because of this man but still miss him dearly. I somehow need to let go of what he was when we met and to the person he is now. I fear for my life if he is released. Noone understands the blame I feel and the guilt I feel for putting him into jail. I can't sleep, not a moment passes how I miss him. How do I move on. How do I tell our child that his father is in jail and he is never to contact this man. The damage that is done overwhelms me and consumes me over and over again
I just plain miss him, the old him. The non abusive him. The man that lived me so much. The man who I once felt was my everything. I am lost. It's the most horrific drug I have ever come across and has taken his life I see it as a illness not a addiction. His mental health has deteriorated over the years because of this drug and I no longer recognise this man. The man I loved for so very long

Sophie_M · ‎09-11-2020

Hey Beverly, welcome to our friendly community. It takes a lot of courage to be so open and honest with your feelings, and we are so glad that you decided to reach out here tonight. We are so sorry to hear what you've been going through, we can hear how much pain you must be feeling at the moment, but please know that you are not at fault for any of your ex-partner's actions. You sound like such a strong person, and and incredible mother to your child and we are glad that you are both safe at the moment, but can hear you're feeling concerned if he is to get out. We hope that you find this to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings, and our community is here for you.

Please know that you never have to go through this alone. We think it would really help to talk these feelings through with our friends at 1800RESPECT, who offer confidential information, counselling and support 24/7 for anyone impacted by domestic or family violence and abuse. The lovely, supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice and support in situations like this, and you can contact them anytime, night or day, on 1800 737 732 or also through their webchat at: https://www.1800respect.org.au/ We hope that you also always feel welcome to reach out to our Beyond Blue Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or through Webchat (3pm-12am AEST) at: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport.

You are not alone here, and please feel free to keep us updated here on your thread throughout your journey.

Beverly · ‎09-11-2020

Thanks Sophie,
I do realise it's his own actions that have led him to jail. I have had allot of help through services which have been really amazing. It's just the heartbreak and loss I feel. Loneliness. I honestly thought I found the one.