Rocket Science

[Girl_Anachronism]

It feels like rocket science would be simpler than life at the moment. No song lyrics, no quotes, just melancholy for you all. 

It feels like life is so hard. It has been a week since the separation from my husband. It feels like it has been two weeks, if not longer. Every day goes at different speeds, fast when I am anxious, or actually accomplishing things and then out of nowhere a great big wave of depression will come. It will hit me and i will stand there, unable to move. everything feels like pain. I'll go from cooing, if a little manic and shaking uncontrollably to crying.

Why does it have to hurt so much, at the end of a relationship? I don't even want to be with him, I don't even want to go back to him. Yet it hurts and another part of me says I still love him. Just waking up this morning, thinking about what to do, reminds me of the things we use to do to fill our weekends. It reminds me that relationship, that time, is over. I won't be doing those things again, with that same feeling of creating something bigger than the two of us. 

I guess I grieve not for him, but for what we had, what it could have been. When does it stop hurting? How can I get there now? I don't like existing right now, the pain comes in these inconsolable waves that paralyse me. 

Seven years of my life. Gone. 

GA

"So tired of the straight line/ And everywhere you turn there's vultures and thieves at your back/ Don't make no difference/ Escaping one last time/ it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh/  This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees"

Angel, Sarah Mclachlan

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi again, 

No sign of Sydney,  though there may have been a sighting of her down the side of the house. 

I did eat something, and I ended up going out with my friend. I am also half way to changing my hair, she bleached it for me so I am now a golden blonde for a few days to a week until I can get some money for the hair dye.

GA

[Mares73]

My dear GA I just wanted to let you know I've been "offline" for a few days & now back typing on my ph so forgive spelling. You are never far from my thoughts & reading through this whole post my heart truly breaks for you. You may not feel it but you are an incredibly strong, courageous & beautiful person who deserves happiness so much. I realize your emotions must be all over the place but given the fighter you are, you are coping incredibly. You are so insightful & on top of your major feelings-that shows in the amazing way you can express yourself. Bugger ph going flat. I'll be back. My love & thoughts are with you xx Mares

[Jo3]

Hey GA

Are you going to cut your hair as well.  And what colour are you going to end up with? 

You know GA, it sounds like you have some very special friends who truly care about you and your wellbeing.  They are the special ones to keep forever!!

Take care

Jo xx

[Neil_1]

Hi GA

The golden blonde girl from the West.  🙂   Way to go again.  🙂

I used to sport that look for a long time a number of years back - just peroxide it - so simple and easy - just put up with the burning sensation on the old scalp for a while;  bit like sunburn or big ants walking over the scalp - maybe I made the mixture a bit strong - and what with it being so close to the old brain - probably hasn't helped me in the long run.

But I've digressed - I did read a bit of a positive thing about dear kitty - a potential sighting.  Is there a place where Sydney could possibly get under the house and be hiding out there?

I've also read that you might be going out tonight - take it nice and easy and I hope that you have a really lovely time - go the blonde girl.  🙂

Neil

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Jo, 

I am going to keep it long as it is, and not cut it short. It is going to be rockabilly blue with a touch of violet by the end of the week. 

Neil, 

I am going out tonight, to a tex mex place. On the topic of peroxide, having worked in a chem lab, I have both smelt and burnt myself with worse things than bleach. This is the first time I have done my entire head, but I am getting used the golden colour.

GA

[Mares73]

Dear GA I just wanted to see how you are today & hope you got my post to you-it's above a few others. I'm having one of those days you describe so well when it's almost like I wake up feeling low as can be. This has to be one of the most devastating illnesses. And on such days what do you do? I just feel alone & so very low. Anyway this isn't about me. I wanted to remind you I care very much & am thinking of you. Lve Mares xxx

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Mares, 

Iam ok today. Not fanfastjc, still sad and missing Sydney terribly buti have done all I can to contact vets and make sure my details are up to date on the microchip website, so there's no more I can do until she decides to come home or somebody finds her. 

I guess I am more lost than anything sure I had a good time last night, but where am I going? What am I doing with my life? How do I get elsewhere from where I am?

I hope you are going ok Mares, its not easy when we wake up and this illnes decides to plague us terribly, for what seems like no reason at all. What I do is just make a list of three things to do, just small things, like making myself a cup of tea, having a shower and brushing my teeth. If I am feeling more energetic the list may include things like doing the dishes, but on really low days, I just lower my standards and do what I can.  Even if all that is a shower. 

GA

[geoff]

dear GA, I have now caught up with your post now, and to dye your hair well that's a big choice, so you must be a swinging new girl.

Have you put up posters on telephone poles and all windows because someone must have seen Sydney.

I hope that you throughly enjoy yourself, could you have done this 6 months ago with the pressure and neglect of any love from your, well husband, but I hope that this term we can change soon. L Geoff. x

[Bridge]

Hey golden girl! 

im sorry sydney hasnt turned up yet.  hopefully she is hanging out under the neighbours house for a bit.

however, just in case, you need to send an email to 

rspcawa.asn.au

Animal Protection Society of WA  apswa.au

HAART.org.au

also the cat place you work at, (if its not one of these) and any other places you can think of.  Im not sure where you live exactly, so these are just addresses i got off the internet.

tell then your cats colouring, age, size, sex, whether shes been desexed and when you last saw her, any identifying markings. (you know the stuff).

this way you have a few more safe guards if she gets picked up that she will find her way back to you.  (althought microchips are pretty handy things these days)

if your not up to it, let me know the cat details, and i can email every cat place i can find in perth... (my sister did this for me last time one of my cats vanished and i wasnt really up to it.  but the cat turned up (6 weeks later), mainly because my sister did ring around.  my cat didnt have a microchip though (she does now!!!)

anyway, the offers there.

enjoy the new blue hair

keep plodding. and showering,  and eating 

(in fact, put eating at the top of the list.  being able to think is more important than being a bit smelly, generally.  Also, those cup a soup things?  theyre terrible tasting and probably bad for you, but SOOO easy to make, and that have (sadly) kept me alive for periods of time when i wasnt really able to do much else. toast can be good too. cups of tea.  dont forget!) 

crap food is better than no food. good food is better than crap food... you get the idea.

🙂

Bridge

[Girl_Anachronism]

No sign of Sydney. I posted on some online ad and pet boards, aswell emailed those guys you listed. No replies yet. On one of the boards, someone had found a grey cat which had been hit  by a car and not made it on the main street intersection a couple streets from my house. It sounded similar to Sydney but I can't know for sure, unless I get a call from the ranger later today. My mind just jumps to the worst. I really hope it isn't her. I couldn't deal with that right now.

Woke up with a terrible toothache this morning, which painkillers are helping but not entirely. So food is problematic, even if I had the motivation. 

I am just going back to my blanket. Today didn't even get started. I'm sorry guys, I just can't do things and be that person today. 

GA