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Relationship strife? the peace pipe

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

To marry my best friend sounds ideal, but thete was one problem, we both have firey tempers.

We've been married 6 years. After 2 years we had to find a method of surviving our clashes.

We both agreed we cant eliminate our temper, nor our need to storm off in a desperate need to escape the other person. Having considered that, I came up with this solution.

Couple A and B have an arguement and one storms of to his shed or her the bbq area. The rules are

Never follow them initially

Never drive

Never leave the property.

The one that stormed off has to feel that they wont be hounded. They need time out. This is a reasonable request.

After a time often minimum 20 minutes max 1 hour one person will feel like approaching the other for reconciliation. It doesnt matter who it is. Pride has no place here.

Person A approaches and asks person B if they'd like a cuppa. Person B might have thought they werent far off doing the same so they gave their cuppa. One rule here- no raising of voices.

If person B refuses the offer it simply means they are still fuming. Thats ok. Person A returns indoors. It is then person B to approach person A for a cuppa when ready.

You will be astounded how well this works...why? Because the time out period is so effective in calming you down.

You are left alone with the knowledge that if the other person shows up it will be only to offer a peace pipe...a cuppa.

You'll be comfortable that your partner wont drive dangerously or wont go missing and cause huge levels of concern.

This method needs a commitment from both, promises set in stone. It works for us. Lately we have found less and less need to carry this out, rather we stop the person walking out and talk quietly and calmly. We short circuit the process. A key element is respect. Both persons feel respected.

Either way its a winner.

Tony WK

18 Replies 18

Hi V

Insomnia....my sister and I both have bipolar/depression. We are really temperamental when tired. I have sleep apnea and use a cpap, very essential. So moodiness is much worse when tired.


Topic: is their room for stubborness- beyondblue

Topic: who cares for the carer- beyondblue

Tony WK

Will absolutely look at those suggestions .....

thank you so much...


Absolutely loved the poem. Especially the hairy legs going down her throat. Brilliant!

In relation to the original post, you have such practical wisdom Tony. Able to compromise and find solutions to your mutual problems.

Great that you can work it out together. Such inspiration.


Hi hsp

Thankyou Sandra. I'm happy people understand the messages I write. Even the black widow poem.


Chooka chook had an angry look as she washed her dishes dry

Her friend, Pecky the hen, was taken away to be fried

Then Rooty rooster came to pass,to see Chooka sad. He said dont be sad...be glad. You havent been plucked nor cooked till your skin is black

Unlike Daffy duck, who got cooked till he couldn't quack

Chooka Chook no longer sooked, she did her dishes fast.

She never cried while she had her hide, she lived each day as her last...

Tony WK

Death of a worm

Squirm, squirm little worm

Wriggle on the hook.

Your life is but over now

By others you've been took.

You were by far the weakest link

In the old food chain,

Not good enough for bigger fish

Who spat you out again.

I guess you weren't to their taste,

Not good enough for dinner.

Shame they bothered with you at all,

Next time pick a winner!

Community Member
Realy good advice ill certainly be taking it onboard.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey Tony,

I love the poem about the black widow spider. Very funny & very well written.

All of you who write poems are indeed blest with talent.

Cheers, Lyn.

PS I hate spiders. And snakes. Killing spiders is number one job of this lady’s husband!!

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Thanks Topsy

I think all men should read that poem to see where they'll end up if lust gets out of hand and all women should read it as to their future as a single person if they devour their husband....lol

We have all had a testing time with the Covid-19 period.

Have any of you found ways to overcome conflict with others you’d like to share?