Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[randomxx]

hiya cm and thx for that.

yeah l hate it, we've never been like this but l just feel l shouldn't contact her to even just talk or see how she is atm. she's been really weird any time we have since all this now and she might even think or act like  l'm chasing her the way she's been soooo, l'm not gonna.

bUT nah although maybe do have one nice day on the cards, just waiting on something first. But the rest nope we've been over run with bloody tourists up here all this yr God it's been mad never seen it this bad before, totally invaded this yr the countries going mad l swear. Right through from pre Christmas up until now and easter, no breaks.

So we're just layin low mostly and praying everyone finally just goes the hell home for the rest of the yr after easter and we finally get our peace back.

How about you anything goin on ?

hugs back at ya.

rx

[CMF]

Not much doing. Having lunch with the family Saturday.

Yeah If you reach out it may look like trying to reconnect.  I was worried about that with M too but he ended up messaging me & asking to go for coffee etc. If she lived closer what do you think may be different? Knowing how she is, the moods etc I feel it's a no go for you cos you need to travel so far, then you get hit with that.  If you lived closer would you think differently?

If M didn't live so close by I doubt he'd make the effort to pop in & keep it casual.  For us it is convenient. 

[randomxx]

Well that sounds nice, so many people out,  lunch with family might be the safest bet anyway.

Yeah things would all be v different if we were closer and no pressures. it's a really big deal for her coming all this way or l go there and there she gets really nervy . She worries about having someone at her place and the neighbours, worries about taking me anywhere that she'll get us lost bc ldk how to use their PT, worries l won't have a good time, just worries haha.

Could imagine being round the corner, be hard to give that one up just for the convenience alone.

Wonder if if would.

lf he had to drive up to sydney to see ya you'd soon know where he's at.

[randomxx]

ps incidently , why did he message you for coffee anyway ?

Did you think it was about making up or guilt or what ?

[CMF]

He def wouldn't drive interstate.  He couldn't be bothered spending tine with ne weeknights remember.  Didn't wanna make the effort.  Re the message, He'd messaged me a couple of times when i was trying no contact. Then I felt I needed to check in so I messaged to see how he was. He asked how I was & I'd said not good so he asked why & if I wanted to chat over coffee. Looking back he might have needed that to suggedt catching up. You know,  let me open that door. It just went from there.  He'd said he was was emotional driving to meet me cos he knew he'd hurt me etc. He then told me he was still very attracted to me etc.

Yeah. Good old sis ruined it.

[randomxx]

Ah right , yeah so bit of everything in there by the sounds.

lt's weird to me when people use terms like attracted though bc what are they talking about yaknow, how ?To me attracted is about looks but looks won't make a relationship yaknow , so l never get it, no wonder you've tousled with him on that one. But at the same time it is also important to though but it's not all of it.

lf l was to see her now wanting to get back together maybe l'm weird but still being attracted to her would be the last term l'd use as to why but ha, maybe l should've tried it right.

Doesn't like driving far eh, l'd drive to qld no problem, love it. But bc of her nervous thing flying down and everything involved was a really big thing though. She hated the travel part so she did incredible even more so nonetheless.

[CMF]

He likes how things look😃 

[randomxx]

yeah , don't get me wrong l do to l'm an ex artist/painter and l do in my woman to

of cause. Just don't get the using just that term to get back together, wouldn't be enough for her l'd tell ya, she'd want soul and lots of it , oh , and a ring.

Butttt, just read your thread to and so fair enough if your happy as is then all is good anyway l guess.

We even talked about that , she even suggested it, mainly bc of the distance and her new situation there now.

l don't bloody know.

[CMF]

We're all attracted to looks but some, like you & me, need a deeper connection. He didn't have that. He's pretty much surface level. It makes me wonder how his marriage worked for so long but he did agree she probably cheated cos he wasn't emotionally available.  She used to call him out all the time.

[randomxx]

Mind you , it was back when when we were talking about maybe casual but we were still together. Now , very different and she's been a real mess to.

ldk about the cheating , whatever the case it doesn't make it right does it , and what if it was vice verse. She was a terrible woman anyway impression l always get, sounded like a total b.

ldk if gf really meant stuff about me finding someone else, sometimes she'd say stupid stuff in a shyt but don't we all , do wonder if it was real though.

Wonder how he'd really feel if you came home said you've met someone else, wonder that about her to.

This is the longest we've ever been apart , ldk how or what l'm feeling.