Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[randomxx]

Hey cm , yeah it's really weird think with her the reaction later part of it is more just a pride thing really, in a having trouble admitting she was wrong type thing.

But yeah the just totally forgetting it even happens though parts and all the flipping about with things she'd say one day opposite the next , l agree sometimes l think it's some of her meds messing with her too.

She's popping all kinds of stuff but even admits herself none of it even helps anyway , wish she'd just get off it all in that case then tbh bc l'm sure it's all just messing things up even more.

rx

[CMF]

Hey rx,

How are things with you?

[TheFarSide]

And 2025 finds another year down the track... this year will see the change for me as for you RX - things are already in motion. In contemplation that Broome option sounds like a very positive approach.  BPD wife and I are done - have agents going through the place to do estimates and to sell.  Funny thing I haven't had any tears or any compulsion to reverse the marital situation.  It was one of the things I found odd about her Ex-husband - he never once fought to save the marraige with her - very odd for a bloke - we tend to not let go so easy.  Think he'd thrown the hands up and just had enough too.   Maybe some tears later down the track but right now no real sort of feeling either way is present... I have noticed we don't share any real space in the house so there's an absence of contact - familiarity I guess.  Work is busy which helps too.  Keep looking forward RX - secure your life and happiness in your own hands...

[randomxx]

Hiya cm and thx for dropping in.

Not much going on , l'm still caravaning but l'll be heading back soon now. The tenant in my cabins moving out so l'll be heading back to stay there for a bit while l do it up to put on the market- and to see and spend some time with my d, have missed her v much.

Gf x , not much goin on there we still talk a bit but that's about it.

How are you doin l'll have to find your thread and say hello.

[randomxx]

Ahhh FS, l'm sorry to hear that my friend  l know the turmoil it all must have been and still will be. Especially with the house , living set up now until , and everything else involved.

Are you at peace with the decision inside, still l know it's probably impossible to even tell which way is up right now anyway. Those tears might come later, then again they might not , it doesn't matter either way though man you will feel whatever you feel no right or wrong. But l think it had to be the inevitable if there's still been no improvement. l mean how long is a piece of string, youknow, how long do you give something like this otherwise, suppose you've likely been through all that a few 100 times. l met a guy back when almost in pretty well your exact situation , but he gave it 17yrs, sadly way too long imo if things were still the same. She smashed his Grand Piano in the end  during one of her rages - straw that finally drove things home and he got out.

Unfortunately l know the house situation so no need to imagine that one, ex w and l did the same , it's not nice man , l know. But maybe try not to weaken , she might try it on again but this resolve now might be the best thing for you l'd be thinking at this stage now.

l'm glad works at least helping , think of it as it's just going to be one ugly 6 or 12 mths whichever way we cut it but then,,,,, brings the space for new life to begin.

Hold on eh.

rx.

[TheFarSide]

All good - the decision is irrevocable, and importantly i have plans for the future which are focused on me... 

I gave this a real crack - even when the diagnosis was is and the research did not paint a pretty picture I gave it and her the best I could be, but it didn't work - never had a chance in reality as the mental cards were just stacked against any positive outcome.  But I know I am a good human with good values and a compassionate soul although this is basically what made me attractive to a BPD (insert 'irony' here).

I know I won't be alone forever - just as good men have been through stuff like this so have good women and they are out there in large numbers ready to be an equal partner in every sense of the meaning to a good man.  No one is perfect - i have my foibles - but it's the underlying nature of a persons humanity that is the key...

[randomxx]

Couldn't agree more. And for that every single or divorced man, there also has to be a woman on the other side of that in the same situation one way or another and for whatever reasons.

So my theory is that like those good men too there has to also be those good women too in the same boat and with the same beliefs and values, that same humanity. lt's a wonder the Gods don't have ways of putting us all in the one place so that we can all meet ea other isn't it, seems as nature usually has her way of taking care of most things.

The cockatoo has it made. They squawk away in trees at ea other in huge clans playing and joking around, arguing away, all day long. They don't have to do anything else, their own automatic built in socializing system. All they have to do is meet ea other amongst all the commotion and when they do they'll marry for life and live to 80 or 90 yrs together.

You watch the way they interact with ea other and with their syncs and watchfulness over ea other, their affections and smooches and stolen little pecks on the cheek, they're absolute classics but could also teach us a thing or two.

l've wondered if l'll get so lucky again now but l would like too.

[TheFarSide]

We all will have the opportunity to share life with another person again - humans like to pair bond - even though we may have moments of solitude. 

I think the melting pot you mentioned (at least to me) is somewhat as a result of Darwin's theory of survival of the fittest - the strongest (which isn't always strongest physically or emotionally) carry the genes forward.   

The last 180 years humans have overpopulated the planet, developed inventions and accelerated our place in the world in a way that would have taken millions of years previously.  Be no surprise that inside us still remain many of the instincts and survival skills that saved us during these formative human years (last 250000 years) which haven't yet adapted thoroughly to a modern era.

As an example - Back a long time ago when we lived in tribes when someone became a teen (considered sexually mature) they were often sent away to go to another tribe - many good reasons for it at that time including no interbreeding.  Nowadays teens are locked in a location, struggle with being locked in at school, struggle to conform with adult social values and seem to struggle to find their place - moreso males i think but its on both sides.  Anyway its just a thought bubble.

Cockatoos and many other animals are to be admired for the diligence and care to each other and the young.  But perhaps humans aren't as far along that evolutionary line as we'd like to believe.

I do know RX and for CMF that there are good people out there.  One will come along when you stop looking and it will come naturally. 

One just needs to be open to the possibility.

[randomxx]

Yeah sadly man it's as hard for the girls maybe even harder, l have a daughter and the things that go on between them all .

They've also grown up on screens and fb's and chat apps now, no one calls, they don't know how to work through any fights or disagreements- that have block buttons for those now. lt's pretty rough l'll tell you- and naturally MH and isolation is at it's highest ever now , ofc, how could it not be.

Buttttt, won't get into it it's too upsetting.

Funny you mention tribes l was going to go on a tribe rant too in my last post- but yeah things were more natural then. Although in some areas it still exists l know even if in a modern version, like Indonesia.

This world now for the rest of us though too yeah, it's an isolated anti human unnatural existence these days for many we're just the adult version.

And so date sites yeah , bloody hell.

l've scanned through them which one would you even join they all seem full of bots and scammers- all say they're the best - all the reviews say they're ea the worst, looks like a damn mine field.

Gf x was one of those rare people, one of the things l loved about her. No one you'd rather in your corner at times either, even with all her own problems and that sort of thing means so much to me and which l am like myself too.

lf there is somebody new one day l hope they've made another one with her sort of courage.

[randomxx]

Gf x and l still talk and call a lot often all day or night or both. Probably not that smart but we just get a long so well and there's just a supporting ea other thing too which so nice to still have but also a bit of  trap too l suppose. There's also often a lot of emotion too though and she'll often get teary and l love yous. l can't be like that though or use words like that if we aren't even actually together , been meaning to explain that to her , bc on that front it's still the same, she's too sick or worse or bla bla.

At the same time we haven't actually been in person or seen ea other nearly 12 mths so it isn't something physically stopping me from moving on but l am worrying lately about a proper gap and time in between first for if somebody new was to come along and having myself in a better place emotionally.