Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[randomxx]

One thing l get a laugh out of though, l've had said to me about 10 times now since l left, you lucky bugger.

Maybe l am, l'm still not sure but l'm hoping l do start to feel that way, there's been some already, but just just as many of the other side too.

[randomxx]

l'd suspect your staying bc of the person you are Fs . Personally, l don't think it's a bad thing l think it's to be admired and respected, l do hope that she see's that too though on her good days. Marriage is a huge thing, so huge , it should be, but walked away from and given up on so easily these days, such little respect.

That stream doesn't really sound like you , at least not anytime soon right now anyway, ha, l don't even know if it's me anymore actually. Tbh though, l feel like l had no choice, it's complicated but right now l had no interest or energy left for anything else and l just wanted to be free from the lifes bs and traps for awhile.

There's so much to all that and this timing buttt, won't go into it.

l am really worried about my d too though . She did genuinely want me to go for it but she's also been through a lot herself to though and still is. She is at an age where she wants to solve things herself though , won't let us help and so l've kind of hoped in a way this might sort of well, ldk, give her some kind of space for things to fall into shape for her and it might even be good for her. Ex w thought it probably won't hurt either but l still feel like l've abandoned her on some sides, ldk.

For you though, your still newly married and you don't want to give up on her yet or your marriage and if there was going to be a time for you, fork in the road, then it's not here atm and l can fully respect that.

l would've persisted with gf if she had what it takes but , l guess it wasn't to be.  but people can change with persistence sometimes, my brother and his gf 25yrs, maybe for you too man.

l look at them and l think l'd have preferred that way, ldk, there's just something so huge at seeing them still together after all this time and everything they've gotten through. She might be a nightmare, apparently, though l've never seen that side of her, but at least she has the staying power.

Trouble is, it takes two and gf didn't have the stuff. For you man, maybe you both will , do. Or maybe you need to be 300% sure but either way, it's not the time atm so .

[CMF]

Rx, must be time for selling. I picked up work today & would you believe it was to do with M & sis selling that house.

[randomxx]

Yeah , guess so , Spring Summer prime time usually hey.

But that's weird though , feels like he's baiting you and you of all people picking it up.

[randomxx]

Sadly , we're def' done .

She's been calling and messaging last few up until last wk , l've gone with it as l've appreciated some company and chit chat too of late but things come to a head.

5 or 6 wks back she says oh l'll come stay with you awhile wherever you are, l can train down and you could come get me.

Few wks later it came up and she says, no no, l wouldn't even like it l wouldn't come- oh , right, great, thx for straightening that out.

Then she starts saying maybe l could come up to Sydney for awhile which l wouldn't have minded actually , nothin else goin on - if it was about us.

So a few wks later that comes up and she says oh , l might be going back to Portugal, she lived there 15yrs. Well that's great, l've been thinking about Sydney you asked if l'd wanna come up but now you say your going to Portugal, fantastic. And not only but l'm also very suss of just why Portugal all of a sudden, she has an ex there too - didn't even bother with it.

This is how she rolls, words, discussions even agreements, mean nothing, a wk later , a mth, 6mths, means nothin it maybe didn't even happen.

There was another complete about face too just in this last few mths, won't even bother with that one. But right through she's still been saying she loves me and sending hugs and kisses and calling me baby and lovey but meanwhileeeee !!!!

Soooo fed up with it my brother said mateeee, you need somebody mentally stable, haaaaaa - ain't that the truth.

Can't do it anymore .

[randomxx]

Bit of a relapse , even with all the sill stuff above, l obviously need my head read. Wish l could actually right now, it helped my brother a lot.

Mind you , once she's up in Sydney again on her own, that is how she gets, her head just spins, anxiety goes through the roof, the pressures she under up there hit home, she's never like that in person.

Sounds like l'm making excuses for her but tis what it tis.

Still though , she's a grown woman right, she's gotta have some responsibly for the things come out of her mouth and her thinking surely.

ldk. few mths back talking to my other brothers gf, she asked how it was going. To save getting into it l just say ahhh, the distance and back and forth, it's just gotten too much, that's usually my go to and usually closes the book right there.

But she says, surely not, that could be fixed- just love her ways and views, she never gives up they've been 25yrs through all sorts of  huge stuff and 3hrs apart through 60% of that yet, here they are, still together.

God it always makes me think , especially her saying that, it's all about two people and their attitude isn't it, their intelligence about it.  Gf's v smart but also very flighty in the head and with her past l've never been sure how much of it was just this quitting side she has. Few marriages and a lot of relationships l've only bothered getting into a few of them. 1 def' wasn't her fault, this last one that caused all the courts and troubles.

l mean that was always where my trust issue came from, l could see some ways and attitudes day one that really worried me. l needed to know just how real she'd turn out to be and would she be there thick and thin. Sounds ridiculous but even after 5yrs l still wasn't sure about it but now here we are and l do put a lot of that onto her and those traits l always saw.

lt's just sad bc l know even though P doesn't know all the details, l also know that she's right bc many a long term couple , like those two for example, have been through 10x more than what gf and l have yet, but they're still together, not running.

But also in that the things we do have when we are together too, they're very big very important very hard to find things at this stage in life and any couple would be grateful and feel lucky to have found them again, given this chance.

lf they were smart enough they'd see all that work it through and hold onto to it tight.

I know it could be worked out and it's all those things that make it well worthwhile but there really must be something in the fact she's had such a checkered past relationship wise. Bc this has become all about that and her attitudes once again.

l really don't know whether to just leave it all right there and walk on, or what. Maybe it's fate or has reasons, leads to something else, or maybe that's just it for me in the love department ha, maybe for her too . Don't know.

My heads spinning as fast as hers does atm .

[randomxx]

l don't believe it.

Now she says she didn't even mention anything about Portugal , now she's saying she wasn't thinking about moving back there either , now she's saying she was thinking about France. l had a check, there wasn't even anything about France.

l dunno about on her phone but on mine there's a 2hr convo about Portugal in messages, black and white, right there, hmm, it must've have just somehow made itself all up and put itself onto my phone.

You know, we've had arguments about stuff like this and she's cracked the shyts as if l'm an idiot so l've wound up having to send her the messages just to show her- her messages.

Didn't even bother with this one been there too many.

But l've been thinking, l wonder if there's something in anxiety, depression, that can completely wipe whole convos in memory or something, they just completely forget it even happened or remember something as totally different .

ldk, and not that l'm trying to solve it unfortunately things are done and l've wasted far too much time over the yrs trying to work her head out, but it's just something l was thinking that's all that might explain a lot.