Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[CMF]

My friend & I been messaging. It's been nice. There is nothing in it. He just reached out. I'm sure the reason will become apparent although he says not everything has a reason. It just is. Anyway,  I like having someone who understands me & expects nothing.

Gf, wow, you've really had enough & good for you.  If I had someone who supported me through anxiety & everything else for 5 years I don't think id let them go. 

Move on my friend. Your path is clear.  I love the sound of your caravan. When you ready,  decide your next move. You are free to settle where ever you want & oppowill open up.

I almost envy you 😊

[randomxx]

Thx for that cm and l'm glad the friend's turned up at a time like this for you in that case then, good for you.

And yeah, that's a damn good point aside to actually , it's hard to believe things she did for us but it's also same again in the support l've given her too. l might've held back in bf ways bc of my worries about her but tell you what, l was still there and then some right through it all.

Weird though yaknow, l was reading about relationship support and the good it can all do the whole thing, in her situation . lt's so much better for someone like her to have all that it's proven fact. l know l'd rather have it myself and miss her support with all my ups and down like anything myself. And the warmth and partner side of it all so much too but yet , she can't see that either.

Fricken weird. She even says she knows she's read all the same stuff, go figure.

Her mums 78 been single 30yrs.

[randomxx]

About the caravaning stuff, do ya, that's a surprise really thought it might be your worst nightmare tbh but eh, thx anyway appreciated.

l'm 3mts away from the banks of the Murray river right now. 100% free, watching water skiers and boats and girls on these big pink blow up swans ha ha, people walking past on the tracks- it could be worse l guess, yaknow.

But it'll take me awhile to sort out how l'm feeling about pretty well everything right now.

[CMF]

Might be best not to answer her calls or messages. It messes with your mind. It peeves you off & you're back to square 1 questioning & wondering & justifying.

My friends says sometimes there is no reason why things happen. They just do & that's life.  

[TheFarSide]

I'd agree to some degree that things just happen - or - life just happens... there are certainly somethings we can influence - by following some basic guidelines/rules/laws/values/instincts helps as far as things go but... sometimes we are just in a chain of events that started long before we even walked and will go on well beyond the time we don't. 

I have a girl I've been friends with since year dot - we dated for maybe 6 months in our very late teens...  it didn't catch on beyond that and ever since we drift in and out of each other's lives and then disappear - no reason nor rhyme - but I like the fact she is there in the mix somewhere.

Hopefully overall things are on the up and up for you RX and for you to CMF.   Life has to deliver the goods once in a while - gotta be able to look and feel some positiveness for your own wellbeing even if its just something to put a smile on the dial and finally be able to relax in that hammock with a refreshment.

[randomxx]

l've always thought the same cm, there aren't always reasons, life can just be doing it's thing too.

Although l'm hoping what l'm doing now leads to some rhyme and reason just to steel that from fs, l use that one myself a lot to ha ha but do agree, sometimes there is others it's just life.

Your right though, it does throw a spanner in my works whenever we start up again.

l sort of dream it  might be as with your friend or Farsides and l'm using it too as she is herself and in other ways it does also help me a bit too so l don't block it as such butttttt- ha, speak of the devil messages just went off 10 in a row as we speak that'll be her for sure but anyway yeah, it's not really helping atm for sure.

ps, packed the hammock too Farside but also so true to. l mean really, many a poor rabbit would be working and dreaming their whole lives to be doing what l'm doing atm, l gotta keep reminding myself of just how beautiful this is. l wanted a rest, l wanted to have nothing on my case, to just be, for awhile, well- gotta remember that one too right..

[randomxx]

Wish l could put the pic in but a really nice pink and blue blow up bath with no one in it went floating by down the middle of the Murray a few hrs ago. l'm thinking how could l snare that puppy and bring it in , it was one great looking bath.

[TheFarSide]

I think it's fair to say if you can find sometime for yourself in a peaceful way then that can only be a good thing.   It doesn't hurt to take time out for yourself and just do things your way for a bit.   

Relationship usually operate as a system of compromises but being by yourself gives you time outside that realm...  in other words, if you like a hard mattress - then get one and sleep on it.  If you like to listen to Pink Floyd but haven't listened to them due to conflicting tastes, then play DSOTM with a beer in hand and a dog at your feet.   Be the you that you forgot to be...

If I thought I could do it and forget about other responsibilities for a while I think I would... maybe find a stream, a rod, a caravan and solar, and maybe just some time out for a bit.  Find some inner core peace.   At the moment I'm caught - I don't know why - but I know that's where I am now... it won't always be that way.

For some reason many of us get caught up in other people's bull... I think many times it's about being a caring human and getting lost in being someone's solution - regardless of the reason it still happens...  quite often it can be to our own detriment... 

We should never allow ourselves to miss out on the pleasures of a happy journey through life.  Stop, smell those roses... its free, non-demanding and good for inner being.

[randomxx]

Yeah, l've always made a point of all that, so important, especially in this world nowa days. l have many traditions that keep me human and hopefully moderately sane.

Ha, a rod stream and caravan eh, maybe you didn't read back , not that l'd blame anyone.

l'm on the Murray as we speak been my plans this last 12mths l've been putting it together all yr., l've even sold up. Mind you, the idea was an option b if gfx and l weren't to work out.

Funny you mention Floyd,  been listening to a lot of Nick Cave since l left, always have but somehow he sounds different up on the Murray in a van.

[randomxx]

Mind you, l'm still not sure if l've done the right thing, it's big stuff at this stage. But my d is grown up now which was why we were living there and l'd decided along the way not to stay in the area later anyway, gf or not.

My ex w and l traveled 10yrs though, lived all over oz, although this def' isn't going to be for 10yrs , but l'm really not sure how l'm feeling about it all just yet. l have been thinking until about mid next yr butttt , we see.

l know one thing, l sure as don't feel like diving back into a new place/house/area though anytime soon right now.