Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[randomxx]

Mind you, speaking of those two, he's gone through tons of stuff for her too, and put up with a lot. Apparently she goes absolute psycho too  , he's been at witts end 100times over the yrs, not too many other blokes would still be around that is for sure so if not for him too , not only her.

l've often thought especially after my marriage, one thing any long couples or marriages l know of all have in common , is they won't quit, that's basically why they're still together in a lot of cases l've noticed.

Although l realize that some just should, but many that do didn't really have to especially these days and imo could've worked it out.

[CMF]

Exactly my point. They don't quit. Yours did with all the excuses & the 5 year thing.  M did cos he didn't wanna deal with his sis which is what affected how I was in the relationship. Funny, when we got to 5 years I thought, this is it. We are solid & can get through things. He was having a great time thinking about how he didn't miss me.  Like I told him though,  we weren't really in a FULL relationship. He only gave me part time hours.

[randomxx]

Yeah , mine too. lt always worried me about her bc as incredibly gutsy as she was, l also saw very early in she also had this give up too easily side too. Saw it a lot in some things hence my trust thing not only her situation but that side of her personality too. Many a time she could've just said some things that would've put me at ease, especially about us and later, when her legals were ffinally clear. Well she did, she did a lot but then she'd just contradict it with this bail too easily side at other times.She couldn;t see that l saw stuff and it's effect.

5yr must be a real thing eh, it was for me to l even had a deadline but it was still open given our weird situation LD and all.

That's such a shame you felt that but then all this and he comes back with his crap and all.lt's a double whack bc it;s all one thing expecting it but another when we hope one direction they turn round with the opposite.

[randomxx]

Saw servo girl again today. l know we like ea other but dk if for her if it's in that way or not but she lights up when l come in gorgeous smile chatty. Damn customers there's zero time to even talk much though and l can't see what she's like with them if l'm waiting it's small and your behind them. Found out though she's got chickens cats dogs and 1 kid . l was too "slow" to find out the biggie, any man !

Had her hair down today , man what a difference she looks totally different pretty well changed my mind on sight until the animals and kid, she' sounds v v settled in that's for sure but l'm about to leave the area,,, she won't be going anywhere though.

Soooo, it'd be silly to even bother then anyway right, bugger,.

On the other situation , l feel it really is kaput. l've had such strange feelings this time it's v v different to before. We haven't seen ea other since Feb l think it was and we've been pretty weird since my last trip all yr since. And that trip didn't go well at all she was all over the place and being a real pain l left early. l know at that time we both felt it might be it but we kind of picked up again later she got of those meds and things were sorta normal again for awhile but also weird too, and now since - this.

For me too in ways, l'm really not even sure l could go back to all her drama and issues at this stage now anyway and not only but she's once again turned round ok things have been shakey all yr but l can't be in a relationship- againnnn !

l mean l tried to be humorish about it the first time or two but somethings wrong big time if she does it yet again right.

ldk, all in all , l tried for a long time and went through all her stuff with her, supported her and helped, but l'm feeling like enough is enough.

[randomxx]

Gfx called today, after all that. Think she was just lonely tbh also had a lot of stuff going on last few wks and nobody else to tell.

Took it grain of salt though tbh , nothing about us. Although a 3hr call and she did hint about coming to see me later. l thought nope not biting. Few mths ago she's saying she'd come to me wherever l was 2wks later told no no l wouldn't do that as if she never even said it.

l was working didn't look at the phone it was over on a bench knew it'd be her though it almost rang out while l decided, not in a snubbing sense l just don't know if it's much point in talking. Don't get me wrong always loved our calls but now , ldk, this is all different.

Quite proud of myself though haven't called or messaged first last few wks or allowed myself to be sucked back in at times like today and others.

[CMF]

Proud of you.

[randomxx]

Well not much goin on in the gfx department, few messages here and there but about it.

Weird thing Frid l was in at the battery place , paying for stuff and one of the girls there kept walking past checking me out, thing was she was 6mths preg, l just mean wt ? Felt like cutting through the bs and saying wth girl, your 6mths preg what are you doing. Women, go figure eh.

Anyway on other fronts just packing up the house atm , whata job . When l reestablish somewhere else later on tell you what, last move ever that's gonna be. D and l decided to donate most of it thk God so l'll only be storing 1 trailer load of stuff l wanna keep over at my cabin and that'll be it. Still means we've gotta trailer the rest of to op shops and stuff though. Sold off some on fb but donating the rest. Man they've scored well out of us l can tell ya there's some nice stuff in it but l just don't want it, cleaning the slate, d feels same about all her stuff.

rx

[randomxx]

Got it , she was after a daddy for the baby.

Few messages from gfx today out of the blue. Nothin much just about stuff been going on . Still calls me baby and lovey and sends lots of hugs, ldk. Mind you, not that l'd mind some nice hugs really right now, it just feels weird.

Haven't said anything though need all the hugs come my way l get right now,

[CMF]

I know how you feel. I had a day out with my older d today.  It was so good. Can talk about anything & everything lol. I know what you mean about the hugs.  

Sending some your way 🤗

[randomxx]

10 big hugs for you my friend.

Really nice you had the time with d. We've been packing up here all wk and she actually said last night it's been really nice having this time together , sure has.

lt's funny weird isn't it , as l say my d's the equivalent to any 50yrold to talk to and she always asks about gf stuff. Funny really l try to not say too much bc she is my d and only early 20s , don't want her worrying about our crap and an early 50s messed up gfx.

d really likes her and vise verse but this bs, she no likes at all and lately is reminding me of what it'd be like to have a normal girl instead of this mixed up rubbish. Alas, she is right.

Mind you , if gfx had the stuff we'd make a go of it regardless butttt.

Maybe something nice is planned for us eh cm , and for fs too.