Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[randomxx]

Yeah it really feels that way now, as if l need to do it for myself.

Any chatters just not feeling right at all lately.

[CMF]

That fact it doesn't feel right is telling you it needs to stop. You can't heal if you keep going back. That's why I cut M off. Regardless of all that happened I knew I couldn't start to move on & feel better if we kept communicating.  He probably could cos he was self centred & didn't care, as we saw.

[randomxx]

Yeah , that's what's been happening but usually when l have started switching off again she;s just popped up again so l've wound up going back and forth too. This time though, it's different, l know she's feeling it too and so if it is for real then we can't keep doing that.

l've also been feeling a bit like your situation in a way too. One minute we'd be normal or even making plans next it's yet another flip, as if it's just nothing.

But it's not just nothing and l'm fed up with trying to allow for her mh state or latest whim, twist and turn. Fed up with it. MH or not there's still gotta be some responsibility too but in ways she's not much better than 2yold at times, so sick of it.

But ah, l dunno cm, tbh l think m will be doing some serious soul searching and feeling it all too. Hang in there eh and hugs.

[CMF]

Hugs to you too 🙂

[TheFarSide]

If there is a chance to break clean, then do it... whatever carrots and moments of goodness there have been in the past between you that's basically where they are now...   in the past... By all means keep the fond memories - all relationships have positive moments, and they can be remembered for what they are - but always remember the hurt and unstable ground that must endured for those 'moments'.

[randomxx]

l felt later really terrible putting it that way bc it's not really the way. ln many ways she's more woman than any girl l've ever known and she's certainly mostly a better partner than many. And she gave it all she had for the first few yrs and went through hell for us through Covid, it was me stuffing things around .

l mean l don't know where the line is , or say a bit like bpd , fs. Can the person even be blamed for actions sometimes, l just don't know.

She's been through so much and then there's anxiety and tummy problems now and other health things, sometimes she can;t even sleep for wks. Still stresses about her situation now too, all this is like the post result from everything else prior.

So ldk like say bpd, how much she even can control or be responsible for but l suppose the thing is for me, it is what it is now, and l can't keep having to deal with it.

[randomxx]

Talking to my brother and his lady yesterday.

She asks about gf, in short , l said probably done. Then explained a bit but 1st of all no matter what , there's the distance, and she can't leave there, well she wouldn't unless we were married.

Didn't really go into the rest , which in short is l suppose her MH and health in general giving her so much anxiety and the on offs. Would've been interested see what she said actually, wished later l did tell her that part.

Anyway she reckons we should've worked it out and coming from her and her staying power, in a way it's really admirable .

They've been together over 25yrs but they've had huge ups and downs and splits and been 3hrs apart for at least 1/2 that 25yrs, yet here they are, still together.

Makes me sad that gf isn't made of that stuff, which was one of the things l always worried about with her- and here we are. But sad bc although his gf doesn't know the rest, she's still right , we should've and could've.

The stuff wasn't half of their problems , they have big fights she's had mega health stuff , lost family, goes on and on- on top of 3hrs apart- yet here they are and she hasn't quit.

ldk if had of l been more in earlier , would gf have had that commitment now and staying power, or still be as is now.

She'd said earlier at 5yrs that was gonna be it. We still saw ea other for awhile after that though but she had major anxiety and some of it didn't go well, that was through the times she didn't tell me she was still on those meds.

Thing was though nonetheless , we were still us at the core and though that too it wasn't lost and the love was still clear from both but yet this now.

She had problems huge problems but l rode them through with her well l had some too , especially my trust thing which caused a lot of cause and effects. Shouldn't she have gave that the understanding l gave her through alllllllll her stuff, and rode that through with me ?

ldk. but l do know P was right bc we have talked other times they haven't met but she still knows a fair bit of us from me and stuff through my bro too, and pics.

No way on this earth would they still be together if not for her guts, not a hope in hell , yet they are.  Yeah gf had stuff and l had a bit too , but l'll tell ya compared to their over 25yrs, ours wasn't even close to that.

l've been in 2 minds about the split and in ways l wish we could work it out bc l know what we have and that we could if we wanted too. Even the distance thing we sooner or later one of us would have to move. His been down her place 18mth right now, bc she had a lot of problems. we could've done something like that until her stuff sorts out , it's been this long a bit more wouldn't matter.

l just think she should've had some of this kinda attitude and stay power.

[CMF]

Hi rx,

I hear you & I understand but it's like me say M should have talked to his sis. He should have made me his priority like I did woth him. He should have come over during theceeek & watched shoes with not sis & tell me to watch. All these things they "should have" done cos we stuck with them, but tge fair is they didn't.  If she was already pre empting the 5 year thing with you then it sounds like she was already set in her mind  that it was gonna end. As for your brother & his gf, they got they it all cos they're right for each other & we're prepared to work thru the crap. You gf & M, they weren't prepared to put in that work & make the changes necessary.  If it was meant to be, it would be & we wouldn't be here talking about it & wondering why they couldn't put on that effort for us when we did for them.

[CMF]

As you said...they're not made of that stuff.

[randomxx]

Hi cm. was just thinking of you and heading over to yours.

Yep your right though , you rode out all his rubbish and felt shadowed all that time, he could've fixed 90% of it but instead he plays dumb and went on his merry way. He was really pissing me off let me tell ya .

The 5yrs wa shuge for her, even moreson bc of the distance. Ok we're a bit more than 3hrs away though but we could've made a plan.we did actually but like ost of the time plans with her they're forgotten a wk later. l didnt say l wanted to split though just that l needed a bit more time. Not like we were a normal couple saw ea other far less than most would in that time and we'd only just gotten through all her stuff.

ldk, just read back here tonight though God, almost a yr since the last time we split and l started this, not good, especially that it's just basically an exact repeat of the rest.

l've never been sure of the if it was meant to be stuff. l can say for certain with some things in life yeah butttt, this love stuff can be all that more confusing when it is, can't it.